bliss

January 8th, 2006

i mentioned before that i hate wasting time. that’s perhaps one of the most defining things about me, even though i procrastinate a lot and sometimes indulge in giving myself a few hours a week to ‘waste’ — just simply lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling or mindlessly flipping thru whatever girly-mag i have lying on the floor.

then after i do that i mentally kick myself for wasting perfectly good time that could have been devoted to something more productive.

i know, it’s so weird, this machine-like go-do-something obsessive compulsion. it gets especially bad during the times i’ve got a project going on, or whenever there are major exams, or just something to complete that needs to meet a looming deadline. those are the times i barely breathe, and my mind is but one-tracked : finish finish finish.

but however insane my schedule, however little time i have left, no matter how late i am to meet a friend who’s been waiting for two hours, i never ever compromise my shower time.

haha! :D

i love taking showers. it’s the ultimate destressant, and even sleep cant beat this one for me. whenever i’m having a bad day, i just want to go home and take a shower. it’s almost therapeutic — that feeling of standing under hot running water, closing your eyes, and just letting the water seep into you. feeling the warmth as it envelopes around you tightly. i swear there’s something Freudian about this.

everytime i need to think, i take a shower. i’ll sit cross-legged on the blue tiles with my chin in my palm and just think away while the water pours on from above. sometimes i sit in there up to an hour until i finally reach a conclusion to my dilemmas.. and when i do, it feels like the best conclusion i’ve ever reached or the best decision i ever made.

i mean come on now, you cant tell me you dont like showers. the sensation of having warm water run through your scalp and soaking your hair, onto your close eyelids, down your neck and onto your shoulders all the way downnnnnn past every inch of your skin — it’s as if it’s carrying with it all your troubles and leaving in its wake a very sensual glow of comfortable vulnerability. i love it.

when i cry in the shower it feels less painful too, for some odd reason. crying in my bed under the covers gives me such a sense of loneliness, and desperation, because it’s just me in the quiet stillness of my room. my sobs just sound so much more amplified and makes it sound like a corean horror movie soundtrack is playing within the walls. needless to say i shut up pretty quickly and thus never really get to let out all the frustration. but crying in the shower is different. the noise of the water as it hits the tiles and the roar of the shower’s blast in your ears just makes you feel less alone. and more insignificant somehow. which is good for the times you want to just melt away into nothingness.

edit: okay show’s over .. :D

Entry Filed under: Musings

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