Top 10 Famous Parallel Parking Partners Of Choice

January 18th, 2006

yes, i watched the Golden Globe Awards and no, it was not the 8am one. i ended up watching the midnight re-run because i fell asleep at 7.30am. sob :(

so after being treated to a yummy 3-hour show of living, breathing eye-candy in dashing suits and glitzy gowns (which is more than i can say for Drew Barrymore — girl, what the *hell* were you thinking!), and today coincidentally being one of those days where my ovaries and ptuitary gland are waging war on my body (and general wellbeing of everyone around me) … i am now feeling a little bit strange. never mind what kind of strange, but strange enough to prance around my house in my underwear singing I Just Wanna Live by Good Charlotte at the top of my lungs. complete with the dance moves. and i think i may just wake my parents up if i continue to deal with my sexual frustrations this way — besides it’s never good for your father to catch you in your underwear — so i have decided on channeling my ardour into something less dangerous.

without further ado, here are the Top 10 Male Celebrities I Wouldn’t Mind Parallel Parking With, if you know what i mean.

10. Jude Law

the first time i saw Jude Law, it was in A.I, and i remember going ‘what?! THIS is THE jude law?! NOT HOT AT ALL!!!’. so for the longest time he was stuck in my head as a slick, grotesque, pretty-boy blonde andriod who looked like he carried Louis Vuitton bags and wore pointy snakeskin shoes. i never saw anymore of his work, nor came across pics of him in any mags or anything, so he was unattractive to me for ageeees.

but then. but then!!!! i saw him in Closer. and it was like,

hello, handsome.

it’s his eyes, i’m sure of it, those piercing green blinders could render anyone speechless. and there’s that almost .. cruel element in his stare and his jaw that brings out the intrigue in me :D i cant help it. he’s hot. even his name is hot. Jude Law. Jude Law. Jude Law. dammit, Sienna Miller, how could you give up being called Mrs Jude Law?!?!

9. Rodrigo Santoro

i know, i know, all of you are like ‘who?’ .. but this hunk is lesser known for his cinematic achievements anyway, he’s more of a model dude. in fact, the first and last time i saw him on the big screen was his minor role in Love Actually as the young designer who had captured the heart of Sarah, an older woman. oh but do ignore his non-fame, his hotness more than makes up for the fact that he had about 14 minutes of fame in his lifetime. aahhh. so hot. like, Calvin Klien underwear model kind of hot. though that pic above does him absolutely no justice, he’s really much better looking. go watch Love Actually again and skip to his scenes and you’ll see what i mean!

8. Pierce Brosnan

yes, okay, i am aware that he’s waaaaay old, older than my father even, but let me just say that for the longest time i had this thing for Harrison Ford. so, um, Pierce Brosnan is not that bad. or did i just dig myself a deeper grave? whatever. you cant possibly not have thought that Pierce Brosnan was droolworthy as 007. i mean, when i first saw him in 007 : Tomorrow Never Dies, i wanted to just grab him and rip his shirt off, and breathe “oh, James!” in his ear while we’re making love, or something. never mind the fact that i was 10 at the time.

i recently saw him again in Laws of Attraction, and my ex-boyf can attest to the fact that i was fanning myself and holding my hand to my chest breathlessly everytime Pierce Brosnan came on the screen, more than i was watching the movie. it kinda sucked, anyway. though i’m not complaining; who would, with Pierce Brosnan as main actor? ah but i will always remember him as 007. that wit! that charm! that rugged sophistication! oh, Pierce, you can have me shaken or stirred anytime you want!

7. George Clooney

(oh be quiet, Pierce Brosnan is older.)

the first time i saw George Clooney, he was Bruce Wayne in Batman and Robin, yes yes, the one with Poison Ivy and Mr Freeze. for some odd reason i wasn’t able to appreciate him at the time — i was more interested in Robin (Chris O’Donnell), that is until The Bachelor killed him forever for me. to tell the truth i dont really know *when* i fell for George Clooney, because i never watched Ocean’s Eleven or any of his other flicks. i only know that when i watched Intolerable Cruelty the other day on Astro, i was like OMFGILOVEYOUGEORGECLOONEY. but it wasnt like a new love, you know? it was an old thing rekindled, i swear.

so okay, he was simply irresistible in Intolerable Cruelty. the way he handled (well, verbally too) Catherine Zeta Jones! the smarmy, smug air with which he delivered his lines! that smooth lilt to his sentences! that naughty glint in his eyes! *swoons* and who here saw him accept the 1st award at the Golden Globes?! :D IMO, there’s no better person to break the ice than George Clooney. oh, the man just reeks of charisma. marry me, George Clooney!

OH. OH. OH. I REMEMBER WHY I LOVED GEORGE CLOONEY BEFORE I WATCHED INTOLERABLE CRUELTY. okayyy, get this.

he has a pet pig named Max.

….. and he feeds his pet pig bacon.

ROTFLMAOLOLOLOLOL!!!111

6. Val Kilmer

another old man, another Batman. do i detect a pattern here? anyway i’ve never ever ever ever noticed Val Kilmer, the only meaning he had to me before this was that my 4th grade teacher adored him to bits. so i only knew his name, but never his face. i did know however that he acted in Alexander, but to be honest i never recognized him in the movie. i didnt even know what role he played until the credits rolled!

but Astro showed Batman Forever the other day … and it was love at first sight :D i channel-surfed in halfway through the movie when he was up with Nicole Kidman at some balcony thingy, and he was in the Batsuit so i couldnt see who it was (yes nicole, i feel you). but i heard his VOICE and i was immediately enraptured. who else in this world has a voice that sexy and macho?! nobody but Val Kilmer. and that’s why i love him. that, and his lips are like a male version of Angelina Jolie’s. but sexier. and meaner-looking.

his attractive quality is his almost apathetic detachment and his impossibly good looks. after i saw his face as Bruce Wayne, i was like omg where has this hottie been all my life?! so i clicked Info, and voila, i find out it’s the faceless dude i know as ‘Val Kilmer’. and here i thought he was one of those Top Gun oldies or something. and when i say oldies, i mean oldies turning 80 in the year 2006.

5. Chad Michael Murray

oh i can hear all the ‘TEENYBOPPER!’ accusations riling up already. shut up, okay, Chad Michael Murray is hot :( except in Freaky Friday, cos he just looked weird there, like some long-lost Hanson brother or something. (mmmmmbop! du du da duuubopp!)

– hey, do you want to hear three blonde jokes?

…

listen to Hanson.

hahahahhaa! –

yes, back to Chad Michael Murray. allow me some teenybopperism, will you?! is it so wrong to have a crush on a young blonde-hair blue-eyed guy who just so happens to look like Justin Timberlake, every once in a while?! it’s only normal. i’m 17! surfer dude types like CMM are the types of guys girls my age are supposed to like :( i mean come on, we make up the biggest demographic in pop rock concerts. cut me some slack here.

CMM is hot and you know it. did you guys see him in House Of Wax?! arghhh, swoon-worthy, like totally. he is the only reason i watch One Tree Hill. cos Chad Michael Murray is the perfect face for all the jock-cheerleader fantasies i ever had. i love him. i want to make out with him behind bleachers or under the kitchen table during some house party. yeah baby.

4. Keanu Reeves

introducing, the Hottest Plank of Wood to ever grace the silver screen! i admit he cant act for nuts, has no emotion, and that he totally DESTROYED the line “I cant, I love you too damn much!!!”.. but i must be blind to call him ugly. cos he’s absolutely delicious. i could just *eat* him up, with or without whipped cream.

so yes he has not much screen presence, but he’s sexy. my only regret is that when i watched Matrix : Reloaded, i never got to see his ass because it was censored out. boo. and that is all i have to say about Keanu Reeves.

3. John Mayer

okay John Mayer is NOTTTTT about the sex. well ok, maybe he is, but just during the last few moments of it. what he REALLY is about, is the pillow talk and the cuddling and the morning after. John Mayer practically *defines* ‘Emotional Sensitive Sap Who Makes Love, Not Has Sex’. have you read his lyrics? have you heard his songs? have you felt the emotions behind it all? it’s heartmelting and breathtaking all at once. he’s the sort of guy who would play with your hair and kiss your forehead while you fall asleep in his arms. the sort who would make you breakfast in bed in the morning, and know exactly how you like your coffee. the SWEET sort. the husband sort. and that’s why i love John Mayer.

2. Johnny Depp

this man is a genius. i swear it, all pure genius. i dont care what they say about Anthony Hopkins… Johnny Depp is my hero. again, being with him is not about the heat of the moment, but more of the um .. distinctiveness and incomparability of it all. Johnny Depp is weird, he’s eccentric, he’s strange. like a more poetic version of Angelina Jolie minus the blood and obsession with sharp things (and Brad Pitt’s kid). there’s just so much going on in his head. so much to find out and so much to understand, that i think it would be almost exhilirating to share defining moments with him. just to see how he would react. how he would behave. the little idiosyncrasies.

i think to a certain extent i’m quite obsessed with Johnny Depp. but i cant help it!!! he skyrockets all his movies into some kind of awe-inspiring stratospherical level that no one else besides him can pull off. he’s just a weirdly artistic dude, and that’s what makes him so intriguing. i just want to KNOW him. and feel him. aughghghgh!

1. John Travolta

Face Off did it for me, i’ve loved him ever since i was 9 years old. till today he’s one of the most gorgeous men i’ve ever laid eyes on, seriously. whether it’s in the way the corners of his eyes crinkle up when he smiles, or the way he throws himself forward when he laughs, or his almost-JimCarrey like smarminess, or the fact that he can fly planes … i dont know. i just want him so bad.

though sometimes i think it’s his confidence that reels me in. he’s not suave confident like Pierce Brosnan, or cocky confident like Brad Pitt .. but he’s sorta like.. quietly confident. and that’s just so damn attractive. there’s also something about his on-screen disposition that makes you feel comfortable. like you want to trust him. he’s all good.

and so hot.

here’s a secret .. :D i’ve always been turned on by that scene in Face Off when Castor Troy goes to John Travolta’s house with his face, and hits on his teenage daughter. that was just so sexy on so many levels. argh. even up till now i remember that scene perfectly.

and finally, the reason John Travolta is #1 on the list is because my mother approves. she likes him too. you know, the whole 1970s Grease thing. and mommy always gets last say.

……

….

.. okay this is the end of my Top 10.

..

..

tell me you didnt really believe that i would have a Top 10 Male Celeb list without having MY ONE AND ONLY in it!!!!

Hottest Male Celeb Of All Time :

HUGH GRANT

hugh grant, i will love you always and forever! :D xoxoxoxo.

Entry Filed under: Memes