Metal Ribbons
January 21st, 2006
the middle of august is etched into my consciousness. it sits in the frontmost row of my mind’s theatre. the first reason and the second reason are side by side and they wear their shocking flourescent masks almost shamelessly, one of ugly awkwardness and the other of rash audacity. but you, my third reason, the quiet one — you sit wordlessly at the back of my mind but your presence is the loudest.
from center stage, it is all meaningless darkness outside the white spotlight of my understanding. people in the front row are people in the second. applause rings but they make no sense. i dont care. you are the only one i see, all the way back there. i perform for you, i cry for you. and when you whisper to me, i hear every single caress of your voice on the crevices of your lips as they snake into and out of them and finally around me and into my heart. how do you take my breath away?
i think you were my serendipity. my intended accident. my quelled frustration. some days i feel triumphant, but the rest of the days i feel a bitter, blunt thud in my neck that plays the subdued rhythm to how much i want you. this is the story of my unrequited, untold love. if i told you, would you love me back? would you love me as much as i love you and no less?
what is this game that you play with me? some kind of hide and seek, a provocative game of chess? you made the first move, now you should finish it. i’ve lost all my pawns and my knight has a knife in his back. the bishop says to end the game, but i’ll remain silent and hold my accession at the back of my tongue until you decide to let yours loose first.
sometimes i dont think you’re worth all this shit. but days like today, how can i bring myself to go on believing that? especially when you’re ringing in my ears and in my heart this way. i carry you in the little side pocket of my brown messenger bag now. your name is in my dedication of love to somebody else. do you see? i didnt, either.
i want to kiss you. i want to lie beside you and ask you questions about you. to find out all that i’ve missed out on. all that i never got to know. i want to fall asleep in your arms…
i think i’ve always loved you. i should have known from the day we first met. from the day we sat and talked, though not to each other. from that photograph. it’s not him i want.
Entry Filed under: Unsent Letters
26 Comments Add your own
1. Charlie | January 21st, 2006 at 11:36 am
That was remarkably well-written. Especially the chess bit. *tear*
2. steph | January 21st, 2006 at 4:44 pm
at times like this u deserve a big hug. you’ve just ‘walked two moons in my moccasins’
3. Waifon | January 21st, 2006 at 5:58 pm
You naver fail to impress me with your English. I’m so addicted to your writing. Big ass meanie. You made me tear. almost. *Gives virtual hug*
4. tze | January 21st, 2006 at 6:35 pm
i always never seem to get who you’re writing about.
5. Kz | January 21st, 2006 at 7:45 pm
seriously touched. whom ever that guy is… he’s real lucky. take care.
6. pinkpau | January 22nd, 2006 at 7:09 am
charlie : oh charlie dahling, dont cry!! :( *gives you a big Totoro doll*
steph : what does that mean? :D walking in your shoes or something?
waifon : did you just say i have a big ass?!?! sensitive issue, please tread carefully!!!
tze : haha thats your excuse to dig info from me on msn!!!
kz : hey mebbe its you :D
7. steph | January 22nd, 2006 at 10:25 am
lol.. its this book i read ages ago “walk two moons in my moccasins’
moons- as in mnths
mocassins- red indian shoes.
so.. yea..ive walked a similar path that you have :)
8. K.W | January 22nd, 2006 at 12:27 pm
bravo! so brialliantly written. left me speechless and honestly tocuhed :).
9. Waifon | January 22nd, 2006 at 1:49 pm
HAHAHAHA..did I say you hav a big ass? Hey~take a chill pill kay..you big ass? no way..I don’t know but I just can’t get enough of your blog. Blog more and make us smile=) more more more~
10. pinkpau | January 22nd, 2006 at 7:33 pm
steph : ahh .. :D
KW : thank you .. :)
waifon : go away :( sniff.
11. Waifon | January 22nd, 2006 at 10:35 pm
hey~that’s not very nice..*sniff* =(
12. ria | January 23rd, 2006 at 9:04 am
lovely lovely lovely.. i wish i could write like you do..
13. pinkpau | January 23rd, 2006 at 8:57 pm
waifon : well saying someone has a big ass isnt nice either..!!!
ria : dont .. :D all you’ll end up writing is sappy lovey dovey stuff addressed to people who dont even read your blog :D
14. Waifon | January 23rd, 2006 at 10:59 pm
I insist I wasn’t mocking ur ass kay=) let’s forget about the squabble. You have gorgeous assets.. :D
15. pinkpau | January 24th, 2006 at 8:00 am
grr!
16. ohio pharmacy schools&hellip | December 27th, 2006 at 4:56 am
ohio pharmacy schools…
…
17. effects its side zoloft&hellip | December 27th, 2006 at 9:57 am
effects its side zoloft…
…
18. man pants scrub&hellip | February 16th, 2007 at 10:53 pm
man pants scrub…
…
19. fioricet plain pill&hellip | April 9th, 2007 at 10:01 am
fioricet plain pill…
news…
20. consolidation direct loan&hellip | June 9th, 2007 at 11:36 pm
consolidation direct loan student…
…
21. big fat black pussy&hellip | June 19th, 2007 at 5:34 am
big fat black pussy…
…
22. eahshwfkyo | July 7th, 2007 at 4:34 am
Hello! Good Site! Thanks you! kajzgxneidt
23. dollar&hellip | September 9th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
dollar…
dollar…
24. sum&hellip | October 6th, 2007 at 11:46 am
sum…
sum…
25. small&hellip | November 10th, 2007 at 7:14 pm
small…
small…
26. japan&hellip | February 17th, 2008 at 8:30 am
japan…
japan…
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed