Archive for February, 2006
*blink* i could have sworn i put this up already yesterday, and then replied Lalita’s and sieutheng’s comments … but now the post is gone, along with the comments. ??? God of Wordpress, are you messin’ with me?!
7 Known Things About You
1. i have low tolerance levels
2. i cant stand repeated sounds
3. i always gotta walk and sleep on the left side
4. i’m an avid skirt-wearer
5. i am NEVER on time for anything
6. i am the most siu hei person in the world
7. i overreact to a lot of things
7 Lesser Known Things About You
1. i am a uber worrywart
2. i hate asking people for favours
3. i appreciate really good pickup lines. the funny ones.
4. i make damn good brownies
5. i actually dont like my iPod
6. i never let anyone touch my computer
7. i sleep in the buff
7 Wishes
1. that my gym would extend their operating hours to accomodate insomniacs like me
2. that i had more TIME!
3. that poor children didnt have to beg
4. that my best friends would understand
5. that i can finish writing 2 speeches by tomorrow, omg
6. that i was less frigid .. this detached feeling sucks
7. that the circumstances allowed for more growth
7 Things You Like About Yourself
1. my height
2. my figure
3. my resilience
4. my shoe size?!
5. my ability to wrap my dad around my little finger, hahaha
6. my chameleonity
7. my ability to make friends really easily
7 Things You Dont Like About Yourself
1. my height
2. my figure
3. the fact that i. cant. speak. CHINESE!!!
4. i’m really judgmental
5. my tendency to spot patterns in people’s behaviour and then get really irritated at said patterns
6. the fact that i’m really picky. with anything.
7. i am just a little bit temperamental. just a little.
7 Things On Your Mind Right Now
1. tennis tomorrow?
2. how the hell am i supposed to finish 2 speeches in 2 days?!
3. singapore in march?
4. i think i shouldnt have said that.
5. need a laptop NOW
6. i wonder what would be a realistic expectation for my SPM results. (13th freakin March, people)
7. to go or not to go?
7 Things You Hope To Accomplish Soon
1. MY TWO SPEECHES, OMG
2. sign up for some language class (french?)
3. watch all the movies i was supposed to watch the moment SPM ended
4. decide what the heck i want to do in college and actually apply for college
5. get my diving license
6. and my driving license
7. go to melbourne and singapore and PENANG! (oh, booha!)
i’m gonna leave all the tagging at the playground. so anyone who wants to do this, do it! but do let me know of course, so i can go read :D
February 27th, 2006
i open my eyes and i immediately have to squeeze them shut them again. they feel so dry. fucking contact lens. let me see, please. moments like this dont come around and wait forever for me to regain my eyesight.
sunlight streams in from the window, forcing its way between the chocolate brown curtains. the room is otherwise dark, and i am thankful for the luminance the sun lends. today it is on my side, and that’s a good thing because it feels like everything else in the world isn’t. i blink once, twice, and stare at the ceiling. i dont want to turn to my left just yet. i know what is there, and i anticipate it, but i just need to savour this juncture in time. just inhale and soak it all up.
the room is so quiet. the air conditioner doesnt whir, there are no birds, the air is still. the world is asleep. in my mind’s ear i hear the sound of trickling brooks and flutters of butterfly wings. right now i am bathed in a sea of white bedsheets that smell so nice. it’s comfortably warm where i am, yet cool enough. my limbs have that nice achy feeling that tells me that i’ve had a good sleep. a good rest. but my mind is racing. and with every second that passes, my pulse climbs higher and higher.
i finally turn, ever so slightly, to my left.
and there you are, asleep. more tranquil than i’ve ever seen you, yet you look guardedly troubled even in your slumber. i turn fully onto my side, and stare at you, just drinking you in with all my senses, beholding you with wide eyes. what are you dreaming of? i wish i could see, and know all the things that plague you in the most private and secluded alcoves of your mind. i know almost nothing about you. sometimes that seems to be a pleasant thing, but more often than not it’s so frustrating. i have no evidence, no theories, no backup data, no validation, no substantiation. what the hell am i even doing? you are like a latin love song i dont know the words to.
but in moments like this, pragmatism and reasoning just fly out the window. they are so naggy. give me an hour without them. just you and me without the scales of my heart being tilted up and down in constant oscillation between the starkest of ultimatums. i just dont want to think right now.
my fingers crawl towards your face. and i caress your cheek. trace your jawline. brush your eyelashes. touch your sleeping smiling lips. kiss your shoulder. melt into you.
this .. is just too surreal. so surreal so surreal so surreal. it feels like one of those moments when someone disturbs you in your sleep and everything seems blurry yet makes perfect sense to you, but to the person who woke you up you’re speaking utter rubbish. dont wake me up. i already know that my situation is utter rubbish, but please, just dont wake me up.
i dont at all understand this passage of events and the walls of it. sometimes i think it’s boredom. sometimes i think it’s naivete. at times, maybe a passion that’s just .. pure. and then there are the days that i think it is more than just that. i dont know. i really dont know. we dont even mesh or think alike. you’re not my type and i’m not yours. our meetings are awkward at best.
but they are just so. comfortable.
my flurry of mental sentences fall immediately to a halt as you stir in your sleep. and then you move. shit. dont wake up. dont ruin this moment for me.
unconsciously, you stretch your arms, and your hands search for mine. you find me, and you pull me into tightly your grip. “come here, baby,” you whisper into my ear without ever opening your eyes, and then you kiss my shoulder before falling back into your deep sleep. our legs are tangled and i fit so nicely in your embrace. i’ve found my niche. this is perfect. you are perfect. and slowly i drift off to sleep.
i am where i want to be.
for some strange reason i thought you were different. now i know that you are all the same.
February 25th, 2006
my bandwidth died on me yesterday, so i was blog-less for a day :( but Quaintly.net is back up and running now that i’ve got more money sucked out from me by my webhost, so yay, go me and the commanding power of the Visa card!
i was listening to the RBJ Podcast the other day, and in it Jay mentioned my Vday gift ideas post, BUT pronouncing quaintly.net as quality.net! *shakes fist at Jay* so that, stirred with a couple thousand people having asked me “WTF does quaintly mean??” since the launch of this domain, and mixed with a little bit of indignance on my part, has led to this somewhat didactic section of today’s post.
********
Quaintly
adverb of the adjective ‘Quaint’
pronounced kwaint-ly
1. Charmingly odd, especially in an old-fashioned way
2. Unfamiliar or unusual in character; strange
3. Cleverly made; artful
********
i don’t even remember why i picked Quaintly as a domain name in the first place. for the longest time it was either going to be blithely.net or peachiness.net, but even less people knew what the former meant, and the latter tended to get a bit nauseating after being repeated one too many times. so Quaintly it was :) people have asked why not pinkpau.com, but that name very boring lah, so i’ll save it for another time, perhaps when i get too pissed at all the pinkpau impostors (hey really got wan you know) out there!
went for the first run of Actorlympics yesterday with Aira and Waimin, and shit it was side-splitting laughter from beginning till end. i laughed and giggled and chortled like a hyena until i almost died from lack of oxygen intake. i’ll be heading for tomorrow’s showing as well so i hope that i remember to breathe in and breathe out in between laughs otherwise i will be pretty green in the face by the time the weekend is over.
oh oh oh oh guess what came in the mail today for me!!!!!
PEANUT BUTTER KITKATS!!!!!!!!!!!!! LYKE OMG.
all the way from Melbourne, courtesy of my darling old man :D i’m absolutely thrilled cos i LOVE peanut butter anything. we dont get them here in malaysia, so when i heard about ‘em PB kitkats, i was complaining and complaining to the old man about how malaysia never gets the good stuff … and then 2 weeks later i find them on my doorstep!!!! i just polished off a bar, and arghghghgh, they’re even better than Godiva. thanks so much, my future husband :D you always know how to make me smile!
i’m thinking that tentative trip to Melbourne in June has to be confirmed pronto. this peanutbutter kitkat stuff is too good.
and um.. *embarassed shuffling of feet* the tech-n00b that is me has another one of those tech-probs, AGAIN! see, when i was in Kuantan, my camera kinda got rained on cos i was too busy building sandcastles to notice that it was drizzling skyjuice :( i managed to rescue it before the downpours were released, but it’s still kinda wonky now. so i’m thinking i need a new camera before this one disintegrates right before my eyes, leaving me high and dry.
sooooo. *bats eyelashes* does anyone have any good digicam recommendations? *bat bat bat bat*
i’m currently using the Canon Ixus 500 (Powershot 500 to some of you, i believe), which i love. the AiAF is nifty, and i really really like the Quickshot feature which the Ixus 400 did not have. my only gripe is that the flash sucks and always ruins my shots, and when i take pics in natural sunlight the shots come out overexposed more often than not. also, the wide-angle is not nearly .. well, wide enough.
something that’s about the size of the Ixus 500 would be fine – i’m not a stickler for ultra uber super duper micro mini compactedness, so i dont need one of those creditcard cameras or lipstick camera things. anything with image stabilizer and anti-shake features would be great, too!
and dont recommend me dSLRs okay :( i would probably die with one of those, cos i would NOT know how to operate it at all. there’s nothing professional about my photography, so a simple point-and-shoot digicam will work just fine :)
let me know, let me know! flood stupid me with them good recommendations, i beg of you!
February 24th, 2006
people who have told me that i’m going to be bored with a 5-month holiday before starting college; okay, i give up, you’re right, i’m bored already.
i’m just tired of the routine. the predictability. the monotony. i’m dozing off even as i write this. the tedium is one thing, but the frustration is another. my life is just screwing up unbelievably right now, things are going haywire, and i dont know how to fix it at all. i’m not sure if i even should, or if i should just let things be and let them automatically repair themselves, like one of those robo-dogs that jerkily do a compulsory back-flip after every 3 mechanical steps.
for a while now i’ve wanted to take a breather. just to get away from it all, go elsewhere, climb a mountain, swim the english channel, eat a chicken’s foot, whatever. as long as i’m far far away from any face that i can put a name to and any place i can connect a memory with. it’s sickening, this discomfort with what i’ve become and what i know. and i plan to rid myself of this nauseating sensation that threatens to choke me every time i wake up and see the familiar sight of the ceiling staring down at me.
so i’ve decided to do something about it.
last month, i applied for college on a whim.
to Canada.
yea, Canada. and i got in.
my flight is in a few hours, and my ride to the airport will be here in about 15 minutes. my suitcases are all packed, i’ve got Velocity by Dean Koontz to accompany me on the flight, and my room’s gonna be locked up when i leave. i’ll be gone for 4 years, or maybe 5, depending – and the parents are distraught. they keep asking me whether i’m making the right decision, and my mom occasionally pleads with me to change my mind .. but honestly, i think this is what i want. to study somewhere far away, in a place i dont recognise, with people whose accents i’ll probably take a while to adjust to, with strange food, culture shock. a clean slate, a white room, where no one knows anything about who i used to be. this is exactly what i want.
and for those who’re wondering, yes i finally picked Psychology. i hope to maybe specialise in Social Psych, but i’ll pick my major when i get to that bridge. right now i’m just trying to wipe all traces of doubt from my mind. leaving malaysia is good. leaving malaysia is good. i want this. i want this. i want this.
i’m sorry i told no one but a select few about this. i was just .. i dont know, confused, and maybe just a small part of me thought i would change my mind before today arrived. but i didn’t, and now i’m leaving. i probably won’t even blog anymore- once i settle down in canada and find some cyber cafe, i’ll shut quaintly.net down. cos if i’m gonna strip myself of my life over here, i think the blog should go too.
so .. yes, i guess it’s a goodbye for now. i’m not even sure about spending my school holidays back here – right now i’m feeling like i dont ever want to come back, but when the time comes i will probably be too homesick to stay so far away for such a long time. 5 years. will i really be able to hold out?
……….
hehe no lah. bluff you all only. i’m just going to Bangkok for a few days to catch Oasis, Snow Patrol, Stereophonics and Franz Ferdinand in concert. LIVE, baby! i can’t wait. i will be one of those mad bra-flinging groupies in the middle of the moshpit, screaming ‘SNOW PATROL, I LOVE YOU!’ in some crazy trance-like stupor, you just wait and see.
did i have you guys up there? kekeke i hope i did. because it means i will ace creative writing class, if i ever sign up for any. so anyway yes, absolutely nothing above the “…….” is true except that i AM leaving in a few hours, and that i DO have Velocity by Dean Koontz in my backpack for inflight reading material.
righto. so see y’all in a few days!!! much love from me.
February 16th, 2006
today’s the day Lynn leaves to Melbourne for college, so a huge bunch of us went to the airport to send her off. there were a lot of tears, hugs, and ‘take cares’ going around. the sentiment in the air was an awkward one, albeit emotionally so. she’s the first one in our clique of 10 to leave for abroad, so the feeling was .. new, for a lack of a better adjective. it’s going to be strange now when we go out and stuff, it’s gonna be 9 instead of 10.
aira’s going for NS soon. jovann’s going to india, ivan to cali. me, someplace somewhere in the states sometime somewhen. the other 6 of us, still here for an indefinite period. we’re all splitting apart physically now, as if emotional distance was not enough tribulation already. sometimes i wonder what’s to become of us. 5 years down the road will we even recognise each other on the streets?
i’ve never been thaaaaaaaaat close to lynn nee – not as close as ivan and sieutheng are to her – so i guess that’s why it never really hit me that Lynn-nee’s LEAVING until she went down the escalator (yes that damned International Departures escalator) and i called out to her to ‘take care’. she turned around with a tear stained face and said ‘yeah, i will’, and then she was gone. and we all left.
i know she isn’t gone forever and that she’ll be back during the december hols and all, and we can always fly to melbourne to visit her, but it’s just not the same. i donno. i never even really hung out much with lynn-nee, but it’s really harrowing to know that she’s not in the vicinity anymore. everyone’s moving on and everyone’s growing up so quickly, it’s just all so sudden. like the other day we were all at Freddy’s house for his housewarming thing, and i saw loads of my classmates whom i havent seen in ages. i was just really shocked cos all the girls were wearing make up (they never used to!) and suddenly everyone seemed to be driving, had cars, had all these funky ass calculus textbooks .. like, wow. and i had the :O look on my face for ages when i heard they went clubbing over the weekend. i mean, shit! these are the people who used to have 10pm curfews! slow down! this is all moving too fast for me to stomach.
aira and i popped by school sometime last week to sort out some paperwork and just to, you know, say hi and stuff to teachers and the people we used to know. i almost walked into a wall that didnt use to be there. while waiting for the elevator to arrive, it just kinda sank in slowly that i’m no longer a student of this school. right now, i’m one of those people in the 5Sc1 yearbook picture, and that’s all that’s left of my high school history. 11 years of Sri Garden, 11 years of shelter. SSG, you used to be so small. puny, even. now you’re like this hugeass school that’s gotten so big that the assemblies have to be split into lower sec and upper sec. i will always remember the times i used to play hopscotch in the courtyard, and the times i kissed my boyfriend in the empty 4th floor classrooms.
5Sc1, here’s to you. girls in makeup, here’s to you. boys who drive, here’s to you.
Lynn-Nee, here’s to you. have fun in melbourne, see you in June :)
edit : oh and a very Happy Valentines Day to everyone out there, attached or not. to the taken and unavailable, hope you and your partner have a great day together, be it a quiet night in or a romantic night out :) to the single folks, grab some friends and have a good time! who needs loveeee when you’ve got so much gossip to catch up on?!
as for me, i’m gonna have a great time tonight.. :) it’ll top all the previous vday celebrations i’ve had to date, i just know it.
big vday mwahs for y’all :D
February 14th, 2006
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