All that you leave behind
February 16th, 2006
people who have told me that i’m going to be bored with a 5-month holiday before starting college; okay, i give up, you’re right, i’m bored already.
i’m just tired of the routine. the predictability. the monotony. i’m dozing off even as i write this. the tedium is one thing, but the frustration is another. my life is just screwing up unbelievably right now, things are going haywire, and i dont know how to fix it at all. i’m not sure if i even should, or if i should just let things be and let them automatically repair themselves, like one of those robo-dogs that jerkily do a compulsory back-flip after every 3 mechanical steps.
for a while now i’ve wanted to take a breather. just to get away from it all, go elsewhere, climb a mountain, swim the english channel, eat a chicken’s foot, whatever. as long as i’m far far away from any face that i can put a name to and any place i can connect a memory with. it’s sickening, this discomfort with what i’ve become and what i know. and i plan to rid myself of this nauseating sensation that threatens to choke me every time i wake up and see the familiar sight of the ceiling staring down at me.
so i’ve decided to do something about it.
last month, i applied for college on a whim.
to Canada.
yea, Canada. and i got in.
my flight is in a few hours, and my ride to the airport will be here in about 15 minutes. my suitcases are all packed, i’ve got Velocity by Dean Koontz to accompany me on the flight, and my room’s gonna be locked up when i leave. i’ll be gone for 4 years, or maybe 5, depending - and the parents are distraught. they keep asking me whether i’m making the right decision, and my mom occasionally pleads with me to change my mind .. but honestly, i think this is what i want. to study somewhere far away, in a place i dont recognise, with people whose accents i’ll probably take a while to adjust to, with strange food, culture shock. a clean slate, a white room, where no one knows anything about who i used to be. this is exactly what i want.
and for those who’re wondering, yes i finally picked Psychology. i hope to maybe specialise in Social Psych, but i’ll pick my major when i get to that bridge. right now i’m just trying to wipe all traces of doubt from my mind. leaving malaysia is good. leaving malaysia is good. i want this. i want this. i want this.
i’m sorry i told no one but a select few about this. i was just .. i dont know, confused, and maybe just a small part of me thought i would change my mind before today arrived. but i didn’t, and now i’m leaving. i probably won’t even blog anymore- once i settle down in canada and find some cyber cafe, i’ll shut quaintly.net down. cos if i’m gonna strip myself of my life over here, i think the blog should go too.
so .. yes, i guess it’s a goodbye for now. i’m not even sure about spending my school holidays back here - right now i’m feeling like i dont ever want to come back, but when the time comes i will probably be too homesick to stay so far away for such a long time. 5 years. will i really be able to hold out?
……….
hehe no lah. bluff you all only. i’m just going to Bangkok for a few days to catch Oasis, Snow Patrol, Stereophonics and Franz Ferdinand in concert. LIVE, baby! i can’t wait. i will be one of those mad bra-flinging groupies in the middle of the moshpit, screaming ‘SNOW PATROL, I LOVE YOU!’ in some crazy trance-like stupor, you just wait and see.
did i have you guys up there? kekeke i hope i did. because it means i will ace creative writing class, if i ever sign up for any. so anyway yes, absolutely nothing above the “…….” is true except that i AM leaving in a few hours, and that i DO have Velocity by Dean Koontz in my backpack for inflight reading material.
righto. so see y’all in a few days!!! much love from me.
Entry Filed under: Musings
40 Comments Add your own
1. waifon | February 16th, 2006 at 11:50 am
OMFG, you got me there. Shutting down ur blog? I almost died-ed.
You’ll definitely ace creative writing. So much for creative writng and your tone of despair nearly gave me a heart attack. And I was wondering, college in Canada, 5 years? It’s a wee bit too long innit?ahahaha..you’re good at this man. I’m gonna be smarter beyong smart the next time around if you’re attempting, i dont know..some funny thingamajig like this? hehe:p
Anyhow, have truckloads of fun in Bangkok. Go do some bra-flinging action and catch a snapshot of it. Blog blog blog abt it:D
2. Jay | February 16th, 2006 at 12:12 pm
I was wondering why would you shut down your blog if you were moving. It doesn’t make much sense to me. I can’t help but think that there maybe more truth in that story then what you claim. Anyways, have fun at the Concert.
3. Emily T | February 16th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
Eh Su Ann? I actually believed that you were all packed-up and boarding a flight in hours. Oh man. But it’s good to know that you’re not. Have fun in Bangkok! =)
4. ria | February 16th, 2006 at 1:27 pm
im torn between wanting to strangle you and wanting to hug you.
5. ria | February 16th, 2006 at 1:28 pm
im torn between wanting to strangle you and wanting to hug you. :( i got pretty upset when it came to the “im gonna shut this blog down” part. so i’m going with the latter.. *huggles* im so glad you’re not really going away for good! enjoy the concert! :)
..smiley changed, sorry bout that dearie.
6. laziicat | February 16th, 2006 at 2:07 pm
god darn it woman! you had me going…..you are goooooood….
7. Bunnie | February 16th, 2006 at 3:19 pm
I was going to kill you for writing that. :( You’re horrible.
But ZOMG… SNOW PATROl.. I hate being in another damn country with a 14 hour airplane distance.. *cries*
8. Gin | February 16th, 2006 at 4:27 pm
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! URE GOING TO THEIR CONCERT! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! I HATEEEEEEEE UUUUUUUUUUU LIMMM SUUUUUUU ANNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9. bulat | February 16th, 2006 at 5:22 pm
…i almost have a heart attack~____~ lucky it was all “creative writing” lolz ….and aRggh…..hope you enjoy the concert *pangs of jealousy*
10. booha | February 16th, 2006 at 8:07 pm
eh i think you need to close the i tag somewhere.
half of this page is in italic!
have fun in bangkokkkkkkkkkkkkkkk and take lots of pics!
11. sieutheng | February 16th, 2006 at 8:24 pm
…u nearly gave me an heart attack.
KNNCB
12. -archangel- | February 16th, 2006 at 8:35 pm
WOI STUPID GIRL !
you got me there ! -_-”
i don’t care ! you must spend me makan and drink SOON ! =P
13. Jonathan...Lim | February 16th, 2006 at 9:55 pm
yes it’s me…i had to choose between addin this comment and jumping off the roof to make things seem less boring… neways, why quit the Canada plan?…sounds pretty cool. btw, if u ever change ur mind, just lemme know k…i guess i’ll get pretty good lodgings by then.
14. jeanhwei | February 16th, 2006 at 10:43 pm
lol creative writting *thumbs up*
have fun in the concert =D
15. justakid | February 16th, 2006 at 11:13 pm
omigosh..
my heart like dropped tru my stomach or something when u reached the shutting-down-blog thing..
hahaha.. nice one wei.. hev fun at FFconcert! :D
16. AbbyC. | February 16th, 2006 at 11:40 pm
owh.. u scare me man… i love reading ur blog.. dun shut it down k? even if u moved!! :) i wish 2 leave m’ysia too :)
17. Slinky | February 17th, 2006 at 12:31 am
Well done, Su Ann !
18. Vicnan | February 17th, 2006 at 12:51 am
I was just thinking “bah. and she was asking me why *I* closed”.
That was after the “$#%@ SHE’S GONNA STAND ME UP AGAIN?!”
Hah. You had better not, woman.
And bangkok rock? I want! I’m bored, 4 days in my hols. >.> I’m doomed.
19. george | February 17th, 2006 at 2:05 am
You got me! haha man that was awesome!
20. tze | February 17th, 2006 at 2:18 am
YOU EVIL THING!
21. Lalita | February 17th, 2006 at 3:04 am
Man, that was like … gosh, she sounds SO-OOOOO desperate. I really believed you for a second. Actually, more than a second!!! You totally ace this creative writing thing. Period.
Have fun in Bangkok!!! I keep thinking the next time we come home to Malaysia I really want to go there … but meh, what can I say. When I come home, I don’t feel like going anywhere. I mean, I’ve been living away from home for 4.5 years and come home like 14 days every 365 days. Aiyah! Who wants to step outside the house - wait, unless it’s for food, shopping, meeting friends. For fun things anyway!
22. kristof | February 17th, 2006 at 5:33 am
for a while there i was going to admire your courage. but crap.
23. Marianne | February 17th, 2006 at 6:47 am
COME TO CANADA!
Marianne - chair-chair here will take GOOD care of you… show you what life is all about. ;)
Hey… you won’t regret it! :)
AND… have fun in Bangkok. I LOVE SNOWPATROL TOO!!! Fave song :How to be Dead!
24. alvin | February 17th, 2006 at 6:53 am
hey its not farney ok! Tears almost come out from my eyes.
Do that again i swear i’m gonna…….
25. Douglas | February 17th, 2006 at 6:55 am
F**k you got a lot of people there with your “I want to leave everything behind” crap, it’s not funny you know?
26. Kevin | February 17th, 2006 at 7:00 am
The thing that got into my mind when I read that hahaha was hahah ohh man ah pau’s gonna cry and run around lke a headless chicken in Canada. It was sorta believable at first but the ending sorta gave it away hahaha I was wtf in the beginning then mehh cheh sure talk kok at the end =P
Btw have fun in BANG COCK, dun get COCK BANGED and dun run around BANGING COCKS ok?
27. me. | February 17th, 2006 at 10:14 am
this joke not funny okay!!
28. worldangel | February 17th, 2006 at 1:35 pm
lol that was a good one…hope you won’t shut down your blog, cos I find it rather interesting and entertaining to read ;)
29. will | February 17th, 2006 at 6:35 pm
crazy…
:P
30. ezen | February 17th, 2006 at 7:12 pm
u scared me there! dun ever close down ur blog! it’s an amazingly good read! :D
31. sarah | February 17th, 2006 at 10:49 pm
a concert with snow patrol oasis and franz is SO MUCH BETTER THAN COLLEGE IN CANADA!!! SO JEALOUS OKAY OMG
32. Charlie | February 18th, 2006 at 2:13 pm
I’m currently torn between:
a. Giving you an extremely boney bear hug
and
b. Setting your luggage on fire
That was a cruel, cruel thing to do :P
33. Anonymous | February 18th, 2006 at 5:58 pm
This is a good one man ! It really got me. From the word ‘Canada’ I started cursing along the likes of “sh_t * fu__k * stup_ d crazeee! damned canada!….what happened to dreams? cnn? cornell, upen?..” and only let out a sigh of relief when I reached the “hehe..bluff you..” and then start muttering something even more unbecoming of an aunt!!
Was a good work-out for my lungs though and I was breathing serioulsy hard …something like at least level 4 or high intensity on the threadmill..the last time when I achieved this level of fitness was when i was about your age . thank you..have fun!!
34. masdie | February 18th, 2006 at 10:14 pm
I can’t believe I dig that shit. Damn you’re good girl!
35. Pierce Munro | February 20th, 2006 at 8:21 pm
*smakcs u REEEEAAAL hard* dun u ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever dare do that again!!!!
u almost gave me a heart attack u know!? going off to canada, without letting me know! ishh.
hahahahah u’re goooood man. let’s just say thta im gullible aight?
36. pinkpau | February 22nd, 2006 at 6:12 am
waifon : isnt 5 years the norm for a degree? plus foundation and stuff? ahha no bra flinging, unfortunately! no camera for 50% of the concert too :(
jay : you are a perceptive one!
emily : why everybody believe my bullshit wan. hahaha yea i had loads of fun in bkk :)
ria : i like your choice.. a hug’s always better than a strangle! :D
laziicat : *curtsies!*
bunnie : 14 hrs? arent you in NZ? is it THAT far @_@
gin : but why :( sniff. you never told me you wanted to go!
bulat : oh i did, i did! the concert kicked ass.
booha : done :) took lots of pics too!
sieutheng : i leave for canada and you only NEARLY have a heart attack?! i’m hurt!
archangel : how soon :D
jonathan..lim : the jumping off roof option sounds good to me! haha there was never a canada plan to quit in the first place .. i just put canada cos it was the first placed that popped in my mind. you probably were my inspiration since you’re the only person i know who’s going off to canada this year :D anyway yes, if i do decide Timbuktu (hahaha) is where i want to go, i’ll give you a holler!
jeanhwei : thank you! :D and yeaaa i had lotsa fun!!
justakid : hehe i would never close down my blog for that reason .. shifting countries would just give me so much stuff to blog about that i prolly wont shut up for 2 years!
abby c : okay i wont :) hey why you wanna leave msia?
slinky : thank you!
vicnan : i wont stand you up this March!! or .. April. :D
george : hey you totally didnt reply my sms from bkk! i asked if you wanted any CDs cos they’ve got an impressive range there!
tze : but why!! :(
lalita : wow, only 2 weeks in a year? you must miss home a lot ..!
kristof : courage is going off to russia to chop up cadavers and make them do funny things with their orifices .. :) hats off to you.
marianne : ooooh if i ever go to canada imma definitely look you up :D HTBD is a great song :)
alvin : but WHY! haha if i moved to canada i’d be so much closer to you! i can come and disturb you all i want :D
douglas : it wasnt? :(
kevin : who said i will cry huh?! hey and your bang cock joke very lame ler!
me : it’s not? :(
worldangel : aint gonna be shutting it down for a while! i’m too noisy .. :D
will : that’s a good thing, right?
ezen : thank you :) that’s motivation.
sarah : muahahha i know! it was a defining moment in my life!
charlie : gasp! anything but my luggage!!! my lucky underwear’s in there !
anonymous : yikes, easy with the foul language .. :D us young ones look up to the old ones like you for good examples to be moulded into worthy citizens .. and we cant all be potty mouthed! as for CNN, cornell and U Penn .. all those dreams are still around .. :)
masdie : thank you!
pierce : i’m gonna say to u the same thing i said to sieutheng. i leave to canada and you only ALMOST have a heart attack?! :( i thought i meant more to you than just an almost-heart-attack!
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