Archive for February, 2006

Goodbyes and Hellos

today’s the day Lynn leaves to Melbourne for college, so a huge bunch of us went to the airport to send her off. there were a lot of tears, hugs, and ‘take cares’ going around. the sentiment in the air was an awkward one, albeit emotionally so. she’s the first one in our clique of 10 to leave for abroad, so the feeling was .. new, for a lack of a better adjective. it’s going to be strange now when we go out and stuff, it’s gonna be 9 instead of 10.

aira’s going for NS soon. jovann’s going to india, ivan to cali. me, someplace somewhere in the states sometime somewhen. the other 6 of us, still here for an indefinite period. we’re all splitting apart physically now, as if emotional distance was not enough tribulation already. sometimes i wonder what’s to become of us. 5 years down the road will we even recognise each other on the streets?

i’ve never been thaaaaaaaaat close to lynn nee - not as close as ivan and sieutheng are to her - so i guess that’s why it never really hit me that Lynn-nee’s LEAVING until she went down the escalator (yes that damned International Departures escalator) and i called out to her to ‘take care’. she turned around with a tear stained face and said ‘yeah, i will’, and then she was gone. and we all left.

i know she isn’t gone forever and that she’ll be back during the december hols and all, and we can always fly to melbourne to visit her, but it’s just not the same. i donno. i never even really hung out much with lynn-nee, but it’s really harrowing to know that she’s not in the vicinity anymore. everyone’s moving on and everyone’s growing up so quickly, it’s just all so sudden. like the other day we were all at Freddy’s house for his housewarming thing, and i saw loads of my classmates whom i havent seen in ages. i was just really shocked cos all the girls were wearing make up (they never used to!) and suddenly everyone seemed to be driving, had cars, had all these funky ass calculus textbooks .. like, wow. and i had the :O look on my face for ages when i heard they went clubbing over the weekend. i mean, shit! these are the people who used to have 10pm curfews! slow down! this is all moving too fast for me to stomach.

aira and i popped by school sometime last week to sort out some paperwork and just to, you know, say hi and stuff to teachers and the people we used to know. i almost walked into a wall that didnt use to be there. while waiting for the elevator to arrive, it just kinda sank in slowly that i’m no longer a student of this school. right now, i’m one of those people in the 5Sc1 yearbook picture, and that’s all that’s left of my high school history. 11 years of Sri Garden, 11 years of shelter. SSG, you used to be so small. puny, even. now you’re like this hugeass school that’s gotten so big that the assemblies have to be split into lower sec and upper sec. i will always remember the times i used to play hopscotch in the courtyard, and the times i kissed my boyfriend in the empty 4th floor classrooms.

5Sc1, here’s to you. girls in makeup, here’s to you. boys who drive, here’s to you.

Lynn-Nee, here’s to you. have fun in melbourne, see you in June :)

edit : oh and a very Happy Valentines Day to everyone out there, attached or not. to the taken and unavailable, hope you and your partner have a great day together, be it a quiet night in or a romantic night out :) to the single folks, grab some friends and have a good time! who needs loveeee when you’ve got so much gossip to catch up on?!

as for me, i’m gonna have a great time tonight.. :) it’ll top all the previous vday celebrations i’ve had to date, i just know it.

big vday mwahs for y’all :D

Comments February 14th, 2006

V is for Valentine’s

yes ladies and gentlemen, it’s inevitable. we all know that the big V-DAY is coming up. it’s a mere 4 days away, so if you’re attached, and have yet to get your significant other a vday gift, you’re in deep shit. worse so if you’re a guy. girls, no worries, we’re the stronger sex when it comes to worming one’s way out of difficult situations.

anyways, i’m very sien edi of getting myself worked up and worried whenever my guy friends approach me with, “SU ANN!!! YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!!! I’M SO FCKED!!!”, only to get a “I HAVEN’T GOTTEN A VDAY GIFT FOR MY GIRLFRIEND!!!” as a response to my panicked queries. and here i thought we had an accidental homicide case that needed covering up or .. well, something more dramatic than a woman’s wrath when she discovers she has a sucky/nonexistent V-Day gift. actually wait, that is pretty scary, i remember when a particular ex-boyf didnt get me a vday present, i got so pissed that i yelled at him and then dumped him. hahaha. hey, what, we women are prideful creatures by nature, you know. how do you think we feel when all our friends have beautiful vday gifts from their boyfriends and we dont have? huh? huh?!?!

so yes, Su Ann The VDay Sifu™ is here to help all you destitute male souls who have 4 days more to crack your heads over what to get for your girlfriends. pros of listening to me, your gf will love you and you will probably get some hot vday nookie. cons of listening to me, there aren’t any.

and sorry girls, no guidance for y’all, but only cos i know you girls already went and got your gifts like 3 weeks in advance or something. good job! i hope the giftwrap is pink.

Comments February 10th, 2006

The Actorlympics is BACK!

if your hearts been feelin’ empty lately cos your life no longer has any meaning, or if your stomachs ain’t been hurtin’ from excessive tasteful comedy anytime recently, y’all should most definitely check out THE ACTORLYMPICS.

it’s a malaysian version of the popular improv comedy game show Whose Line Is It Anyway?, so if you’ve caught that one on Starworld and loved it, The Actorlympics is for you. or if you’re one of those strange ones who have yet to watch Whose Line, then here’s a quick briefing; a line up of comedians will play games (as in game games, NOT egg-and-spoon or sack-hopping races kinda thing) the premise of which is given by the host, Drew Carey, and they have to make up everything on the spot. example of game : the 4 actors have to form a broadcasting team; 2 of them are given the role of live newscasters, another will do sports telecasting, and the last one will be um, the weatherman :D so they have to make up the news as they go along, and it’s usually hella freakin funny.

in The Actorlympics, it’s pretty much the same thing, only the premise is decided upon suggestions from the audience, instead of pre-determined ones by the host. that and there’s double the cast, 8 actors instead of 4.

there have been a few runs of it already — featuring talented local comedians/actors such as Afdlin Shauki, Patrick Teoh, Douglas Lim, Ida Nerina, Gavin Yap, Rashid Salleh and loads more. despite that, i lost my Actorlympics virginity only last December, and have been dying to watch another show ever since. now that the chance is here, i demand all of you go watch it as well :D 22nd to 26th of February, 8.30pm, RM42 ticket price, tix can be purchased at The Actors Studio in Bangsar Shopping Centre. students, do take advantage of the students price, which is RM22! and since it’s all improvised, it’s different games and a different show every night.

imma buy my tickets soon. you’d better too, cos the tickets sell out FAST!

see you there at Actorlympics .. :D

Comments February 9th, 2006

Lovesong to Someone

you bind my heart like a straightjacket. i cant stray now, i cant breathe. all i want is for you to know what you’ve done to me.

when we sleep and when we kiss. that feeling of skin on skin; undescribable. unbelievable. it’s like coming home to someone i know, with a quiet shut of the door and curious eyes that surrender. what can i expect today? i’m watching you sleep. as i draw my fingers across the tempered arch of your back, i suddenly want to just grab fistfuls of you. i want to melt into you like mercury. curl my fingers around the roughness of your skin and imprint the lines of my palms into you so that you are forever mine. this abrupt violence, it’s so implosive i could cry. i cant press myself any tighter against you, this vacuum between us is unbreachable.

i’m scared sometimes, that i may break you. my porcelain doll. my castle of cards. i’m so afraid that i may. but when i dream, you’re all over the floor. in bits and pieces you lie, and i can reach down and pick you up, and inspect you. i can know you, and understand you, and know why you say the things you say and why you fret so over storms in teacups. you and the worried corners of your eyes and the ambivalent taut of your shoulders.. cant you see that i love you too?

i give you all the time in the world and you give me all the confusion in the world. is it so difficult? must we dwell on the big picture? i like the little details. they are comforting because they are insignificant. it’s hard to understand consequence. it’s so pregnant with possibilities. i dont like some of them. they’re too harsh and so out of our hands.

as you sleep, you murmur into my neck. a soft kiss that lingers, and for a brief moment i savour the feeling of the tip of your tongue on my skin. then you reach for my hand, and you clasp it, and when that’s done you hurtle back into the maze of your lethargy again. you’re just so much like a child.

i kiss your forehead and press myself deeper into your side. we are like puzzle pieces. and that’s the last thing i think of before i close my eyes.

curly-haired angel. i know you even in my sleep.

Comments February 7th, 2006

What I Want

i wanted to write a post about my relationships, one titled ‘How I Love’, but i changed my mind halfway through writing it. on a whim, i just erased the whole post without copying it, and now i’ve kinda already forgotten what it was about. an ex-boyf called to go out for drinks earlier, and i wanted to go, but i said no anyway. my phone’s mere movements away from me, and i could just reach out and text my best friend to ask her how she’s doing, and i want to cos i havent seen her properly in ages, but i wont because she’s a bitch. but i want to text her, to either tell her straight up she’s being an impalpable pain in the ass, or to say hey, let’s work things out. i also want to end this .. particular thing in my life right now, but i can’t because i dont know if it’s going to be good for me. i want to do psychology but people keep saying i’m making a bad choice. i want to send in my name for a public speaking competition that’s taking place in a few weeks but i cant because i’m not enrolled in any college. so i want to enrol in Taylors like this friday, but i’m just … apprehensive about the whole thing.

sometimes i dont know what i want if everything i want is going to have a ‘but..’ label attached to it.

i think i need to stop listening to other people’s opinions. i need to stop arguing with myself and i need to stop drawing up those mental pros-and-cons lists in my head. why am i being so cautious anyway? i never used to be like that. the old me would have jumped headlong into all of those things up there without ever really thinking twice. i guess after all this while i’ve seen the negative repercussions of that kind of decision-making, and sorta switched to being a safer person, but what the flying fuck, ’safe’ is fucking boring.

i’m just really annoyed at the way my life is moving right now. everything is too right, everything is too going-according-to-plan. it’s haphazard, yes, but in a way that i already know it’s going to be haphazard. i took a sabbatical from my sabbatical yesterday, and just chilled out alone at starbucks with a good book and a good macchiato after a good workout, and the whole day was just nice but i KNEW it was going to be nice. and then the other day i went out with an old friend to catch a movie, and i thought it was going to be fun but he turned out to be one of the most irritating people i’ve ever met. i didnt know he was going to be like that, but in an odd way it was all just so predictable. all this…. this.. ENNUI. i cant fucking stand it. i’m so edgy right now i’m like a scared rabbit. just take me away and throw me in the arms of someone who can give me what i want.

pleaseeeee.

Comments February 6th, 2006

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Pinkpau

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    Pinkpau is Su Ann. 19, Malaysia. Hostile when hungry. Sometimes a shapeshifter, always an optimist with a penchant for pessimism and shoe-shopping.
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    The point of the pinkness of this site is to annoy the crap out of you. Really. What made you think I was a nice person?
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