12A’s
March 15th, 2006
during the few months i was preparing for SPM, i dont think i was ever more focused or dead-set on anything. for the longest time, all that was on my mind was doing well for SPM. and as the dreaded day loomed nearer, i remember turning down a lot of people for dinners, lunches, movie dates, clubbing, parties, vacations etc, cos “sorry ler, i just really cant afford the time right now”.
in between juggling prom organizing (omg, i still remember the horror) and housechores (housemaid had just left), there seemed almost too little time for me to study. when october arrived, i was already pulling all-nighters at Mt Kiara’s Starbucks, just going through the mountains of reference books and notes that i had yet to touch. i took 2 extra subjects, and that was pure hell cos they were both ‘reading’ subjects, and it’s not like i’m a genius in the other 10, so those months were just fucking taxing and simply downright horrible for me.
“aiya, SPM only wat… wait till you get to college!”
“hey come on man, i havent seen you in weeks! take a break, it wont kill you.”
“this is the 6th time you’ve blown me off for dinner.”
“are you SURE you dont want to go on a holiday?? you look TOO stressed!!” (said my worried dad 2 weeks before SPM)
“there is no point stressing. you’re smart and you dont need a piece of paper to tell you that.”
“believe me, straight A’s is NOT difficult! please la, i barely studied and i got 10A’s okay?” (su ann says, BULLSHIT!)
and all that was only the tip of the iceberg at the time. it seemed as if everyone just wanted me to stop studying for SPM, like it was so devastating to see someone slave over her books the way i did. but for 2 years i never studied, i’d argue back. it’s about time i put in some effort! i really need to do well.
but why? they would always ask.
because i have something to prove, i would always say.
some were smart enough to get it and leave it at that. the rest would just go, ‘huh?!’ but it’s the truth. all this while, it’s not like i’ve been working towards good results to get scholarships or to get into good colleges or anything. it’s not to be ‘better’ than my batchmates, and it’s not for my own gratification. scholarships i honestly don’t need. good colleges, i mean please, all they ask for are credits (C’s and above), not A’s. i dont have an inferiority complex, so competition among my classmates mean nothing to me. as for my own self-satisfaction — as mentioned in a quote i included above — i really dont need a certificate or a dumb piece of paper to tell me how much i’m worth.
but the thing is, everyone else around me seems to. in high school, in my class, i was always the slacker who never took school seriously. always absent, always arguing with teachers, always not doing homework, not doing projects, or reading fiction in class. the girl who wears skirts two inches too short, the girl who comes to school 5 hours late. those were the tags i was stuck with for so long, and it got to a point where even the new teachers would already know all about me and my ’shenanigans’ even before they entered my class. it was sick, it was prejudiced, and i hated it. i cant begin to count how many posts in societies/clubs and other opportunities i was passed up for, simply cos of my ‘reputation’.
they always thought i was stupid, just some flighty girl who thinks nothing of school. the nicer teachers would say “she’s very smart wan, just lazy”. but it’s fucking bullshit. i’m not lazy, i just know what is worth my time and what isn’t. and i most certainly dont think nothing of school. i just cant help it if i dont LIKE school. you try sitting in a class full of people who dont even begin to understand you or the way you think, and try being chastised by prejudiced teachers day in day out for 5 years straight. you learn to hate school, man, you seriously do. and i was lucky enough to have a mother who didnt actually force me to go to school if i didnt want to, so yes, i was absent for like 3 months (not consecutive) in my senior year of high school cos i hated school that much.
i’ve gone off on a tangent, i think, but the gist of what i want to say is there. just because, you know, i ‘never took school seriously’, schoolmates and teachers alike think the lowest of me. it’s so crappy because i know i’ve got potential, i know i’m a bright student, and shit, i score good grades all the time but do they see that? of course not!
so SPM was like my one last chance to just show them that all their prejudices were unfounded. and you know what, i did it. i fucking did it. i may not have gotten straight A’s (damn you, biology!), but i scored better than 27 of my holier-than-thou classmates who slogged for 5 years and looked down their noses at the rest of the school while they did.
in one particularly bitter exchange with one of my school teachers, she called me ungrateful. my retort to that was, “grateful would be if you people actually did something for me in the first place. i can count on one hand the teachers in this staffroom who actually believe in my capabilities, and you know what, if i ever make it big out there in this world, i’m going to turn around and say, Sekolah Sri Garden was a school that did absolutely nothing for me. it was nothing but an institution that made my high school experience one of the worst times i ever had.”
Entry Filed under: Musings
28 Comments Add your own
1. Charlie | March 15th, 2006 at 11:13 pm
” Sekolah Sri Garden was a school that did absolutely nothing for me. it was nothing but an institution that made my high school experience one of the worst times i ever had.”
Precisely why I eventually felt so happy about leaving. : D Only liked a grand total of 5 people there anyway.
Hey, you’re not lazy. You’re just amazingly skilful at recognising unnecessary work. ;D ( Can relate because I get the ‘lazy’ thing branded on my bum all the time during Report Card Day, bah.)
I is so proud of you : ) : ) : ) Because you have also ‘mengharumkan nama’ of us so-called ‘lazy’ people out there who get judged and labelled with all sorts of crap just because the way we do things is a little different. I mean come on, there’s more than one way of learning, you dumb —-s.
PS. Two lizards are mating on my ceiling right now
2. tze | March 15th, 2006 at 11:20 pm
eh what’s wrong with ssg? OKAY WAT!! =p but yea i was absent for more than 3 months of my senior year in high school too. 2 months consecutively. =)
CONGRATS AGAIN MUAH! u owe me dinner/lunch/whatever.
3. waifon | March 15th, 2006 at 11:32 pm
Oh dear..forget about whatever shits and jargons that took place in high school~My high school life was never a happy happy joy joy experience. We all DO face certain things you have been through.
It wasn’t easy especially when teachers think you are a good for nothing student..you know..the all- talk- no -work student. It only takes ONE teacher to screw you up because they are damn kaypoh ok.
One staff room to another. All firing up with juicy gossips
We all know what you are worth. Ungrateful?
Did any of your contributions to your school came across that teacher’s mind?
I was from Seri Bintang btw. School politics were complicated beyond complicated. Teacher gossips, students bitchslap. Fooh~life has never been UNinteresting.
But anyhow, you DID prove yourself right?
I’m glad you are one of the top students in SSG.
Whatever it is, just remember that you have a whole bunch of good friends behind your back and we do know what you’re worth. One in a million that is.You’re quite an inspiration ya know. If given a chance, I would love to spectate the public speaking comp you are competing in. Cheer up and congrats again pinkpau:D~!
4. zen | March 16th, 2006 at 12:01 am
you definitely deserved it!
in their faces! haha..
i skip school alot too. mostly due to teachers who cant teach for peanuts so it’s practically a waste of time to go to school.. in my school, 1st science class kids suffer because they actually assign the better teachers to the other classes. Their logic is that we don’t need good teachers and that we would be motivated enough to study on our own. -.-
5. pinkpau | March 16th, 2006 at 12:06 am
charlie : hey see, ssg sucks right. it’s a school that’s good for the kiasu bookishly-smart people only. i honestly feel that if only i had moved out (and gone to KDU with you!!! :D muahahahaa) i would have been so much happier elsewhere. and i can say the same for some of my other friends too. one of my best friends, this girl who’s really good in performing arts, drama, dance and the like .. she had such a horrible time in ssg. if she had gone to cempaka i think she would be so much better off. the only ppl who flourish in ssg are people like kezanne (i’m sure you know her) and the people who are exactly like her.
tze : ssg sucks man. haha i cant stand it. i think my classmates were very different from yours, mebbe that’s why you dont feel it lor. wahhh 2 consecutive months!! what did you do!??!?!
waifon : haha omg SBU! i’ve been to your school’s IU day. and from what i hear, your student body is very catty. always got drama wan, hahaha. must be very interesting to study in sbu .. :D and thanks for your kind words of motivation .. :) means a lot.
zen : harh? haha it’s the opposite here, 1st class gets the good teachers. so my teachers CAN teach ler, but i think they just dont enjoy teaching me. kekeke. they always tak layan me wan.
6. kawa | March 16th, 2006 at 12:26 am
oy vey, congrats on the results?
Are you ready with your torches and pitchforks? :P
7. kawa | March 16th, 2006 at 12:27 am
damn punctuations.
8. waifon | March 16th, 2006 at 12:36 am
Haha..yeah..it’s really interesting. You even get people framing other students on cheating and all that shit padahal it didnt really happen. Funny kiasu ppl.
I was an Interactor! What do you think of our IU Day?
I could remember nothing significant but just a reminiscent of happy and sheer joy yet tiring moments dealing with all the Interact stuff.
Community Service and all~but it was all good=)
I went to SSG’s Installation Day. Your school hall was indeed something. You guys have funny seats/ chairs/ bench tho. haha…
9. pinkpau | March 16th, 2006 at 12:43 am
kawa : torches and pitchforks? whatever for?
waifon : your IU day was great! :) i loved the exhibition. now that, was amazing. and what lah, you come for that shitty installation day but not the IU day?! IU day i handle wan you know!!
10. hanna | March 16th, 2006 at 12:45 am
i can understand the need to prove yourself. by the end of high school i honestly could not give a fuck anymore what i got for spm. and i wasn’t a top scorer by any means. i think people expected me to just go on slacking off, so college was my own particular way of flipping them off and saying “fuck you, look at me now bitches, you told me spm was going to be the be all and end all and YOU WERE WRONG.”
11. ArtificiallyVerbose | March 16th, 2006 at 1:34 am
that last paragraph is potent. i wish i had rebuttal skills like yours :)
ahh well i relate in a way to your post. society is so weird…
12. iviane | March 16th, 2006 at 3:20 am
i dont know.
no matter how bad it was, i just thought… it is all that that made you the person you are today.
and everyone’s so proud of you. :)
13. alvin | March 16th, 2006 at 3:25 am
Congrats, pau pau!
14. eWe | March 16th, 2006 at 8:48 am
*blinks* methinks ppl like Ms. Doh, Mrs. Tan, and a few teachers made SSG worth it.
Anyway, enough about the SPM, how’s the college?
15. jeremy | March 16th, 2006 at 9:12 am
congrats! ivy league schools next? =D
GIS sucked as well anyway.
16. waifon | March 16th, 2006 at 10:38 am
SSG’s IU Day clashed with on of our agenda’s le. Too bad~ But I know SSG’s committee uniform quite chun. Short skirt hor?Were you the President, IU Director or what?
Sheesh~should have known. We might have meet each other before.Ha-ha..So any updates on the public speaking thingamajig?
enough about that high school stuff already. Life is much sweeter without those utterly bitter memories. You are doing great what. Tee hee:D
17. kawa | March 16th, 2006 at 11:45 am
burn down the school lorrr! :P
18. ria | March 16th, 2006 at 11:52 am
im proud of you pinkpau! i’ve never had doubt about your abilities and honestly, even if i’m a few years (yeah right, more like practically a decade) older than you are, i look up to you in many many ways. :)
19. pinkpau | March 16th, 2006 at 12:30 pm
hanna : yeah, fuck them bitches! :D we’re gonna be seeing your name in the bylines of top magazines and newspapers soon ..!
artificially : isnt it, though? haih! such is the world we allow our children to grow up in ..!
iviane : haha but dont you see. i could have been better if i had been elsewhere. ssg did nothing but stifle me the whole time i was there. like i mentioned earlier, i’m not being ungrateful. cos there was nothing to be grateful for in the first place
alvin : why thank you :D
ewe : mrs tan left before she could teach my class. miss doh thought i was going to get like 2A’s for SPM :) and she made it very well known, too. college, still pending. will probably go for ADP taylors, then over to the states in 2 years.
jeremy : well, college first, then i’ll think about the ivy leagues .. :D it’ll be one heck of a dream come true to be accepted into one of those schools.
waifon : haha no lah not short skirt .. it’s like knee length skirt, but of course three quarters of the committee being very miang, wanna wear short skirt loh. haha. i was asst IU director :) as for p/speaking, no updates yet. i dont think i made it to finals :(
kawa : dowan ler :D the school is getting better already. from what i see lor.
ria : you have no idea how sometimes i crave for words of support like that. *HUGS* thanks, ria :) you always make me feel better.
20. Bunnie | March 16th, 2006 at 4:53 pm
Mmm… I left SSG for a good reason. Lol, I did actually realise how bad the crowd was with friends and teachers. It is pretty sad how people stereotype and just cast you off as something… I know how you feel.. College here is kinda the same really except even if the teachers know you’re good.. you try your hardest and all they would do is just put you down because you’re the girlfriend of the top student for the subject.. @_@; *cries*
I think you did yourself justice and I am heck proud/ happy for you. The world is really out there for you, all you gotta do is just grasp it and make it yours. ^_^
BTW, who was the teacher who biatched at you?
21. Ee Wah | March 16th, 2006 at 6:20 pm
I can soo relate to that. Back when I was in Msia, all the teachers called me lazy because I seldom participated in class stuff, never did homework…etc etc.
At least you totally proved them wrong now! You go girl!! :P
22. Charlie | March 16th, 2006 at 8:48 pm
Yeah.. exactly… all the people I know who’ve left Garden for greener pastures agree that the place is for students who equate ‘education’ to blind memorising and note-copying. Cam your average chinese school aje. Bah I say.
Actually, what kept you from moving out? I’m thinking it had something to do with what your parents thought..? Since I really doubt you’d have stayed there if you had a choice in the matter, haha. And yeah, Garden is no place for a person interested in artistic pursuits. Or anything outside textbooks and buku rujukan, for that matter. I mean, look at how our talentimes turned out. Bleah.
Haha… who doesn’t know Kezanne la. Doesn’t seem to be a very well-liked person though :S I don’t know her that well but people say she’s ooooone kinda kiasu brown-noser.
PS. Prease to come to KDU school :( Our debating team needs you.
23. ArtificiallyVerbose | March 16th, 2006 at 9:21 pm
better to let the children grow up in a cynical world than protect them in an imaginary fairytale i guess…
ok if that doesn’t make sense it means i need more sleep haha.
24. eWe | March 16th, 2006 at 9:26 pm
Yeah, I kinda know that American education is much your style so come come la. I think Miss Doh probably either thought wrong, or she did it on purpose to provoke you somewhat. I sorta know that if you want to do something you can do it, it’s just a matter of will. Thank God you had the will to get As.
Anyway, about the teachers, yeah a lot of good teachers left. Still remember I had to go for tuition when usually I just don’t bother.
You can get a discount at ADP for your high grades but dunno whether can get now or not. Should check but can get so kua. Still, if kenot then wait for certain unis to come to ADP, usually they dish out scholarships.
However, if can, know what uni you want to go to, ADP might not transfer credits to that uni so it’s better to go straight to the uni. Usually ADP transfers well if you’re going to a particular uni or if you’re an engineering/business major. Also, INTI is cheaper and if you can get a JPA scholarship, lagi better.
25. Adrian Ng | March 16th, 2006 at 9:56 pm
MAny many thousand congrats!! :D
26. hanna | March 16th, 2006 at 11:57 pm
just to add on to what eWe said, i’m one of those who got into a uni that wasn’t on inti’s twinning list, and they still accepted all my credits. i think as long as you maintain a kick ass cgpa and are active and get some great SAT/TOEFL scores, you can pull off going to whatever university you want to.
and yes, inti is cheaper than taylors.
27. Grace | March 17th, 2006 at 12:44 am
Hi, dropped by your blog and this post was awesome! Exactly how I felt in school, from the teachers-stereotyping to the whole feeling of ‘the school did nothing for me!’.
Didn’t know there were other like-minded people around =P! Kudos~
28. pinkpau | March 17th, 2006 at 5:04 am
bunnie : you are the gf of the top student?! haha isnt that something to be very proud of! plus you get a free tutor, hee! about the teacher, i feel obliged to not name names, cos she was very nice to me on the day i went to collect my spm results .. :)
ee wah : yea, arent teachers the most horrible of people sometimes..!
charlie : no, not my parents at all .. actually in all honesty i dont know why i didnt switch schools. the thought just never crossed my mind. i think the familiarity of sri garden, and just wanting to say that i finished my entire education from beginning till end in the building was what kept me in :)
artificially : i quite disagree with that .. :D
ewe : hehe no ler miss doh wasnt like that at all. i think she honestly thought that i was good for nothing. puan rokiah would be one of those who always dissed me but i could tell she did it for a good reason. and yup ADP taylors can get a 30% discount. not bad .. i guess? and yea i have to start researching unis in the states already ..
adrian : thank you!!!
hanna : hehe yes you have told me :D
grace : oh there are plenty of people like you and me around .. teen angst is very prevalent today :D
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