Intimacy
March 20th, 2006
intimacy is, to me, the steady breathing of my loved one in the crook of my neck as he sleeps and dreams. the sensation of his exhalation as it hits and reflects off my skin, it strangely makes me feel needed. like i’m here for a purpose. and it makes me feel loved, in a comfortable way, that he would never be able to exhibit if he were awake and even if he tried hard enough.
when he’s awake and when we’re both up and busy, i always feel that i dont need his love. i dont need his time. i dont need his anything. but times like these. when it’s quiet and cold and my mind is racing, i discover how much i really yearn for things that i thought i had pushed away. these are moments i cherish because it is when i know who i really am. this feeling… i can only describe it as taking off your shoes after a long walk, or bursting to the surface after trying to hold your breath underwater for as long as you can. it’s like that. very refreshing, very exhilirating.. and unconsciously, you automatically breathe ‘Oh, God’ to no one in particular.
he tries to make me love him but it just doesnt happen. it’s like photographs. the best ones always just happen. not staged, not realized by the subject. i’m the photograph. he’s the subject. i love him only when he doesnt realize he wants me to.
the fact that he can actually fall asleep holding me. the way his grip seems tight even when he’s not aware about it. the melancholic look he has on his face as he sleeps. the way he stirs when i cough. the way he kisses my shoulder periodically throughout the night. this means so much more to me than all the shit you attempt when you’re awake.
***
so tell me :) what is intimacy to you?
Entry Filed under: Musings
24 Comments Add your own
1. Chin Kian | March 20th, 2006 at 2:34 pm
very chim….
something similiar to this happened to me before I think…..
2. Bunnie | March 20th, 2006 at 3:23 pm
Intimacy is such a strong word… my definition to intimacy is something which you can’t really describe with words.. but after experiencing it.. your heart feels as if it has never been to that state of Euphoria before…..
When he is near you in front of his friends, he still holds on to you and whisper little sweet nothings (but of course, to you it means the world). Then, before he says goodbye to leave you for the day… he leaves a mark on your neck and tells you that the mark is to remind you of how he loves you… then mentions that he’ll come back to see you before it goes away so that he can continuously mark you.. lol *dats soo bad*
It is also when he dutifully(sp?) writes a letter every week just to make up for the time lost when he is unable to see you. Intimacy is one of those things where only the two of you would understand what happens in your relationship. It is as if with both mental and physical touches… you dance a to your song.. and speak only a language the both of you would be able to understand.
…aaaah… amore… damn u pinkpau! Curses to you.. I’m all mushed.
3. ArtificiallyVerbose | March 20th, 2006 at 3:40 pm
hey lil lady, my friend has informed me that there’s only the $148 dollar tickets left. do hit me back with a reply asap. emailed u my hp num so i guess u can sms me your reply.
4. VL | March 20th, 2006 at 3:57 pm
pinkpau, i saw you at Tiesto with your friends! you look very diffrent from what i expected. in photos you look so sweet and cute, but in real life you are SIZZLING HOT!!!!!!!! tall and slim and beautiful. regret never go and say hi to you… but you dun know me anyway. =) juz a fan of pinkpau.
5. ria | March 20th, 2006 at 5:23 pm
hmmm.. :)
intimacy for me is holding hands for as long as you can.. feeling a gentle peck on your shoulder when you’re not looking.. and having the love of your life tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. ^_^
6. tze | March 20th, 2006 at 5:46 pm
intimacy to me is when he buys me the burberry bag i have longed for since forever.
okay la and also all that is mentioned above and in your post. =)
7. jeremy | March 20th, 2006 at 5:51 pm
iron&wine breathing into my ears.
8. tyler | March 20th, 2006 at 7:05 pm
a nice blanket with a good friend ^^
9. Charlie | March 20th, 2006 at 7:55 pm
Intimacy is when you’re so close to him that you can see the bits of dinner stuck between his teeth.
…
Aiya, I’m not a romantic, so sue me. xD
10. ch | March 20th, 2006 at 8:54 pm
it’s when u’re so close to him that u smell the overnight durian he ate as last night’s supper…
11. Mr Figgs | March 20th, 2006 at 9:17 pm
…hmmm…..you slept with a guy before?
12. pinkpau | March 20th, 2006 at 9:36 pm
chin kian : what is chim?
bunnie : but you should be thanking me!!! mushiness is good. your BOY should thank me :D
artificially : done :)
VL : ooh, i like fans. and yes, you should have come up and said hi!! i’m very friendly wan.
ria : sweet!! :D
tze : wah. can i have your boyfriend also?!
jeremy : iron and wineeeee. such great heights.
tyler : OH that’s lovely!
charlie & ch : eh you two are so horrible :P
mr figgs : you expect me to tell you that without any incentive given?!
13. tze | March 20th, 2006 at 10:05 pm
ehhh he has yet to do that. which is why we’re not intimate. haha.
14. ArtificiallyVerbose | March 20th, 2006 at 11:48 pm
VL: haha i’ll tell u how friendly she really is in a week :P
intimacy is what bunnie said :) +1 for the marks hahaha
i guess intimacy is revealing everything you have to a person. allowing every inch to be explored unrestricted by someone. letting him (in your case) see you for who you are. your every blemish, flaw, asset, secret, achievement, scar, story is for him to see and know. letting him hold you in the palm of his hand knowing that if he drops you, you will die but you are willing to take that risk. of course intimacy only works if it goes both ways but someone has to start i guess… that’s my take on it
15. ch | March 21st, 2006 at 12:27 am
no, i’m not horrible. coz i dun eat durian for supper. hahahahhahahah
16. Vicnan | March 21st, 2006 at 12:39 am
Intimacy isn’t something I share with a significant other (that would be rather difficult, seeing as there IS no significant other =p ), but it’s the pausing of a movie to wrestle in front of the telly and stopping and panting and laughing in a tangle of six legs and six arms, with heads resting on bellies and thighs and hands in hair, stroking. it’s the unconscious moving of arms across one another’s shoulders in an effort to keep physically in contact. it’s the mutual comfort to be able to collect food from the delivery man and laugh as the mcdonalds guys stammers at seeing two topless males with at least an arm around each other, with a girl yelling at them to get the hell back in.
17. Chin Kian | March 21st, 2006 at 1:52 am
pink: chim means deep in hokkien
18. pinkpau | March 21st, 2006 at 2:10 am
artificially : nice. i really like that :)
ch : huh?
chin kian : ok thanks :D
19. kristof | March 21st, 2006 at 8:58 am
intimacy is the icky stuff.
20. steph | March 21st, 2006 at 1:51 pm
intimacy is the closeness between two souls that you yearn to be a part of each other. of two halfs becoming a whole. it is the dazzlingly starry night out in the park when you snuggle up to him for warmth. the passionate sounds of latin music a faint echo in your mind as he draws you in for that magical spin and that spilt second in which you see yourself drowning in his eyes.
21. Mr Figgs | March 21st, 2006 at 5:15 pm
No, not at all, but you do sound like one who did…………………………..
22. Vicnan | March 21st, 2006 at 10:49 pm
Intimacy isn’t something I share with a significant other (that would be rather difficult, seeing as there IS no significant other =p ), but it’s the pausing of a movie to wrestle in front of the telly and stopping and panting and laughing in a tangle of six legs and six arms, with heads resting on bellies and thighs and hands in hair, stroking. it’s the unconscious moving of arms across one another’s shoulders in an effort to keep physically in contact. it’s the mutual comfort to be able to collect food from the delivery man and laugh as the mcdonalds guys stammers at seeing two topless males with at least an arm around each other, with a girl yelling at them to get the hell back in.
your comment system doesn’t like me.
23. argee | March 22nd, 2006 at 7:19 pm
hugging? kissing? gazing into each other’s eyes?
it’s all good. =P
and certain conversations can be intimate.not necessarily about sex though. hee.
24. Pierce Munro | March 22nd, 2006 at 9:32 pm
first thing came into my mind.
the romantic-nesssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!! argh!
damn how i long for that to happen on me!!! it’s a very powerful indeed. Well to me at least. =S i like the word intimacy. very……soothing….(is that the word…???? dunno-leh!)
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