Archive for March, 2006
last week a letter arrived from the school, inviting my parents to come witness their daughter accept her SPM 2005 High Achiever Award at the Prizegiving Ceremony on the 24th of March. i took one look at the attached form, and as usual, i signed on behalf of my mother saying that she and her husband will not be able to attend the ceremony. then i left the form on the desk for my brother, so he could pass it to the school in the morning.
a while later my mom came home, and she saw the form. “what do you mean i’m not going?!” she demanded to know. “of course i’m going lah! i WANT to go!”
“umm.. are you sure you want to? most people’s parents dont usually go … but, er, you can come if you want to, i guess…”
i really didn’t think she was going to come. it wasn’t even that big a deal to me whether or not she came. but she did. and she waited for 2 whole hours (this is a real shocker, cos she NEVER waits for anything) just to watch me go up on stage and accept my prize.
i realized then, that the fact that she came was a very big deal to me after all.
********
after Jonathan’s sort-of-farewell lunch at Kim Gary, a bunch of us went to KLCC to catch a movie. it was a toss-up between Inside Man and I Not Stupid Too, a singaporean movie. we finally decided on the latter, and
O.M.G.
i dont think i’ve ever, ever cried so much watching a movie before. the most i ever did was sob a bit for A.I and shed a few tears during particularly touching scenes in Cheaper By The Dozen, but never have i just CRIED AND CRIED like that in a theater.
I Not Stupid Too is just one of those movies that hit home all too well. on the surface it’s about family and the lack of communication .. but as the movie goes on, more and more subplots unravel. and the screenplay, it’s just perfect. so many times i was shocked to hear the movie’s characters spit out sentences that i have said and heard in real life only too often. and the mood in which they were presented just blew the centered emotion out of the water. wah. almost everyone in the theater was sniffling or crying. that’s how much we could all relate to the show.
as a daughter, but most importantly as a sister who cares and worries for her brothers in ways that no one can imagine, this movie just reached into my soul and gave it a damn good shake. argh. i feel so jilted right now.
to all malaysians and singaporeans, the show is a must-watch. bring tissues!!!
(and dont bring Jovann cos he will laugh at you when you cry)
******
after the show, we mucked around a bit and then went to get a cake for Mr Mani (my ex-history teacher) since it was his biiiiiiirthday. hahaha i called and asked him where did he want to have dinner. he was like, donno la, you suggest lah. so i said “KLCC has some good restaurants.. Italian? North Indian?” but instead of picking a place in KLCC he goes, “dont want la. not nice wan. let’s go to Steven’s Corner!”
……….
SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
so Steven’s Corner was where we celebrated the Mani Man’s 44th birthday .. :D we ate and talked like it was just yesterday we were having History tuition at Aira’s house. fun times. i miss him so much!
March 25th, 2006
“why so long never blog”
“i died already, remember??? damien rice and i are not meant to be! how can you expect me to accept the brutality of that fact and go. on. living?!”
i’m just crossing my fingers hoping that JT wins the ebay auction for me. will find out in 2 days if i got the ticket. augh two days is like, forever, man. siiiiiiiiiiigh. self, take this as a lesson to never again procrastinate, EVER. or at least, until college starts.
SPEAKING OF COLLEGE. every time people ask “so, what’s your plan now?” i’ll just go, “oh, ADP Taylors in May. either a mass comm major or a psychology major, not sure yet. no rush anyway!” but the more i parrot off this sentence, the more rushed i feel. march is ending in a bit, and then it’s April, and i’ll be a month away from college. nooooooooo. where did my 3 months of fun go?! i love my life right now. it’s the fucking bomb. i dont want it to ever end!
which is precisely the reason why i’m thinking of waiting till January next year to start college. or even better yet, apply rightaway for the Spring intake in US schools. i could fill up the next 9 months easy - there seem to be a couple of student exchanges (Switzerland, Budapest) open for applications at the moment, as well as this charity programme where young people travel to a rural area and help out with stuff there. this year’s destination is Borneo, and they leave in June if i’m not wrong. it all sounds very fun, but i’m just so torn between the whole education slash doingmyownthing dilemma.
and my dream (well, a newfound one) of attending an ivy league uni has just been slashed to bits and pieces! from what i hear, transfer students arent very readily accepted there, even if you have SATs qualifs. dude. no way on earth will i do A-levels. that and mass comm courses are quite unheard of in the Ivies? so i guess settling for a non-ivy will have to do. (hey smartypants, does U of Penn accept transfer students?)
i’ve been in an odd state lately. it’s not a bad state, but it’s not GOOD either? it’s just very strange, and very alien. though i suspect i’m beginning to quite like it. perhaps i’ll blog more about this when some strange dude isnt trying to read over my shoulder, and then y’all can help me figure out what the heck is going on in the shadowed alcoves of my mind!
Things that i’m re-doing :
1) re-reading the Da Vinci Code. borrowed the illustrated version from Aira, and it kicks ass. to staunch Christians who are ready to spear me for even picking up the book (COUGHMISSMABILCOUGH), please, save it for someone whose faith isnt going to be shaken by a mere fictitious book. i’m not afraid. and you shouldnt be, either.
2) re-playing Final Fantasy 8. HAHA i love this game! i’m currently on the way to Timber to meet Rinoa, who at this point is a sleepy moody ‘Princess’ who makes ugly train carriages.
oh and after ignoring 4 seasons of American Idol, i’ve finally got hooked on it. i havent watched today’s elimination so i have no idea who got kicked out, but judging from the performances yesterday, it has to be Bucky. i am totally rooting for Chris Daughtry as this season’s winner, i LOVE him. and no matter how much people hate Kevin Covais, he will always have a special spot in my heart! so utterly precious!
recently uncovered my camera from the abyss of the black hole that is my room, so expect some photos coming up soon! :D
March 23rd, 2006
DAMIEN RICE IS SOLD OUT. IN 3 DAYS.
W.T.F.
KILL ME, SOMEBODY.
March 20th, 2006
intimacy is, to me, the steady breathing of my loved one in the crook of my neck as he sleeps and dreams. the sensation of his exhalation as it hits and reflects off my skin, it strangely makes me feel needed. like i’m here for a purpose. and it makes me feel loved, in a comfortable way, that he would never be able to exhibit if he were awake and even if he tried hard enough.
when he’s awake and when we’re both up and busy, i always feel that i dont need his love. i dont need his time. i dont need his anything. but times like these. when it’s quiet and cold and my mind is racing, i discover how much i really yearn for things that i thought i had pushed away. these are moments i cherish because it is when i know who i really am. this feeling… i can only describe it as taking off your shoes after a long walk, or bursting to the surface after trying to hold your breath underwater for as long as you can. it’s like that. very refreshing, very exhilirating.. and unconsciously, you automatically breathe ‘Oh, God’ to no one in particular.
he tries to make me love him but it just doesnt happen. it’s like photographs. the best ones always just happen. not staged, not realized by the subject. i’m the photograph. he’s the subject. i love him only when he doesnt realize he wants me to.
the fact that he can actually fall asleep holding me. the way his grip seems tight even when he’s not aware about it. the melancholic look he has on his face as he sleeps. the way he stirs when i cough. the way he kisses my shoulder periodically throughout the night. this means so much more to me than all the shit you attempt when you’re awake.
***
so tell me :) what is intimacy to you?
March 20th, 2006
the door slid shut and the bus rolled away. just like that. so quickly it was almost swift.
one blink two blinks good bye.
March 19th, 2006
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