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Archive for March, 2006

The other kind of talk

“there’s always something in the way.”

“of what?”

“what? oh. nothing la.”

“no, tell me. faster.”

“i was just quoting lyrics from Switchfoot, okay?”

“i know. but it meant something.”

“will you stop being so sensitive anot?”

“why you put it on your MSN nickname?”

“cannot issit? are you suddenly my mother? i like Switchfoot and i think the song is very nice. are you going to cut my allowance now?”

“can we talk about this rationally? you’re raising your voice at me.”

“i’m being super fucking rational. and i’m not raising my fucking voice.”

“am i in your way?”

“OF WHAT?!”

“i dont know. that’s what i keep asking you.”

“please shut up. i dont want to talk about this anymore.”

“are you hiding something from me?”

Comments March 10th, 2006

Slideaway

when i see my friends being depressed, i get very depressed.

i hate all the idiots who break my friends’ hearts. i hate all their clueless boyfriends who dont know how to appreciate what they’ve got. i hate their coworkers who bitch about them, i hate their collegemates who beguile them into doing their coursework for them. i hate when they fail at something they wanted very badly. i hate when they get sent off somewhere they dont want to go. i hate their other friends who call themselves ‘friends’ but really just behave like backstabbing scum. i hate the people who give them a hard time. i just about hate anything that makes them feel sad.

i’m such a malevolent person. :)

it’s not even midnight but i’m already so tired. it’s been a mentally draining week, for some crazy reason. i havent even been doing a lot, just stressing over storms in teacups and playing cartographer to subsequence. but that’s not it. my mind and body is right here trying to focus, but my heart is just elsewhere. this is not what i want. i’m so unsettled right now it’s driving me crazy. it’s like having an extensive to-do list that you kinda left at the supermarket, and now you dont know where to begin, cos you’ve gotten so used to seeing your lineup of daily responsibilities on paper, that when you don’t have that list you’re just left floundering. bewildered. grasping at fluttering curtains in your mind.

every once in a while, i come across people that i really dont like. with the first sentence that comes out of their mouth, and the way their eyebrows move when they speak to me for the first time, i immediately form an impression. cos i’m judgmental that way. i always think that i can read people well. so i cant stand it when i meet someone i dont like, and then they turn out to be someone i fall in love with. especially when i end up falling in love with them.

this fucking sucks, man. my heart needs to stop jumping headlong into things like this before warning my head. i cant take the shock that comes with the initial realization that, shit, girl, you have just been hit by a bus and a train. give me a sailboat any day.

stay tuned.

Comments March 8th, 2006

Oh, the gluttony.

i’m really, really, really, really hungry right now.

Pillow Talk

dont. take. my. picture. in. the. MORNING!!!

the best conversations that i have take place in bed.

conversations in the car with your feet propped up and cold drinks in the cup-holders are a close second, but conversations in bed will always be my number one.

lying side by side with the best friend, lights off, gossiping late into the night until we both fall asleep without realizing it

laying my head on the platonic-male-bestfriend’s chest on a hot afternoon, our selves forming a sleepy comfortable T-shape, with me mumbling and grumbling about guy problems over Diet Coke and pizza while he listens and occasionally gives advice

during sleepovers with like 5 people on the bed, and 5 more on the floor, gossiping and jostling and snatching blankets and just a lot of laughing..

and finally, on cool nights with the air conditioning on, with the illumination of the city lights from far below and out the window being our only light .. me and him, with the sheets resting carelessly on our chests and our legs tangled. the room smelling of fresh soap from the bathroom, our cheeks still warm, and our fingers touching. facing each other, pulling close, kissing lightly, and just talking.

or whispering. finding out things about the other person that you never knew. things from their childhood, their ex-girlfriends, their high school life, their university years, their parents, their siblings, the workplace, basically their life before you walked into it. or what happened during the hours of the day that you didnt spend with them. just knowing all these things, it’s like looking at their yearbook pictures or watching them in their sleep. i love it.

for an odd reason, i hate talking across tables. it’s horrible. whenever we have dinners i usually want them to end quick so we can go back and lie in bed and talk. that’s when it all clicks together and the world around shrinks to accomodate only the both of us. discourse becomes so much sweeter when there’s no space in between. tete-a-tetes under dark blue duvets. we’re so close that i can taste his words on my lips, and he can feel that strange but comforting pulse that i have at my abdominal region. we breathe at the same pace and our hands find all the right places. it’s like being one.

sometimes conversations in bed just dont seem right with some people. when you lie in their arms it feels so disgustingly wrong. like you’re acting, and it just so turns out you’re acting opposite a person that you really cant stand in real life. but it happens anyway. and you have to put up with that gross, creepy crawly sensation in your lower back. such ugly, forced conversations with fake giggles, when i really just want to call a cab and leave. and then there are the people who equate bed with sex … like can you slow down? i cant even have a decent conversation with you and you already want to screw me?

talking in bed is the best. ever. it’s so intimate that everytime it happens, i feel so compelled to bare my soul. it’s such a vulnerable setting, and it just feels right to say whatever is at the tip of my mind. i once told my boyfriend, “i kissed him, you know. more than once. i’m sorry.” when we were lying in bed one night. he drew away from me, looked at me for the longest time, and finally asked if i had loved him, that other person. i said no. it was and still is the truth. he then kissed me on my forehead and said that was all that mattered, and that he forgave me. then we fell asleep. i have this feeling that if i had told him that while we were making dinner or reading a book, he would have completely blew up at me.

you know what, i think i’m going to make this a prerequisite for all my future boyfriends. No. 892 : Thou Shalt Be Nice To Talk To In Bed.

mmm. i would love to have pillow talk right about now. it’s such a cold and lonely night.

Hong Kong

i am back from HK!!!

it wasnt the best trip ever, but i already expected that. didnt see much (can you believe i never went to Temple Street, Wong Tai Sin temple, Stanley and Sha Tin?!), didnt do much. seriously, i can count the highlights of the whole trip on one hand — visiting The Peak, meeting up with Greenie and Julian (again?! i just realized i’ve been with him in 3 different countries), traipsing around Central and LKF, and Tsim Tsa Shui. the rest were just blah.

am quite annoyed cos i felt i never got to see enough of HK. i’m already planning my next trip back to HK sans family. yea, i know it’s really really not nice of me to say something like that, but i guess i’m just not one to travel with more than 1 or 2 people. when 5 people want to do different things, and no one will give in or compromise, that’s when everyone ends up doing nothing. and the whole trip is just ruined.

though i really love my dad for trying to make this trip work for all of us :)

oh and in case anyone cares, i was asked a grand total of 452 times by HK strangers, “What?! You’re Chinese but you cant speak Chinese?!?!”

yeah yeah yeah. rub it in :(

photos are below the cut, with about 80+ more pics over at my Multiply gallery.