Ultraviolet and Driving
April 15th, 2006
just caught this at the theaters tonight. so what happens is that a good number of the human population has now been infected with a virus that causes them to become sorta super-human. this virus was first an experiment for the government to form an army of genetically-modified stronger and swifter soldiers, but it kinda spread to the civilians by accident. this infected subspecies of human are now called the ‘haemophages’, and are hated and discriminated against by the rest of the ‘normal’ human species. humans walk around wearing masks for fear of contracting the virus from the haemophages (though this baffles me .. why wouldnt anyone want to be superhuman?), and the human government are going to all lengths to kill any haemophages they see.
Milla Jovovich is our heroine - a hot, ass-kicking haemophage with issues. she hates the humans for the prejudice and alienation towards haemophages, and when she and her buddies find out there is a weapon being made by the humans to effectively wipeout the entire haemophage species, she stops at nothing to obtain and destroy that weapon. when she finds out what that weapon is (JENGJENGJENG..), her life as she knows it sorta spirals out of control, and she finds herself protecting the weapon instead of destroying it.
overall, i thought this show was okay. it’s a very typical Milla Jovovich flick - Resident Evil, The Fifth Element - action action action and a hot girl in a hot suit. the fight scenes, especially the one at the end, were amazing, i totally loved them. her inventory and fight moves are just wow! visuals were 5-star as well, and projected the atmosphere of a soulless futuristic world (think Minority Report) very well. i cant say so much for plot though. development was kind of sucky for a platform with such potential. Jovovich cant really act, and the screenplay (or lack of it) didnt help her out at all. you’ll see what i mean when you catch this show - she’s supposed to have a major personality shift, but it came out very unbelievable and insincere. i was like, *rollseyesohplease!*
besides yummy fight scenes, the only thing left to be desired for is the sociopolitical subtext. at first i thought the whole discrimination against haemophages was a commentary on racism as we know it today, but all the religious icons and imagery in the movie kinda made sense after a while. humans = Church, haemophages = infidels. kinda brings a new light to the fervor at which the humans were stooping to eradicate the haemophages. also sorta explains why in this movie, the human civilians were so afraid of the haemophages even though they were harmless (well, at first) … it was really just a product of mass fear-insertion cos the government was afraid of being overthrown by the haemophage community.
i’d say Ultraviolet is a 2/5. for you if you like action, good fight scenes, Aeon Flux, comic books and a hot girl in tight clothes.
actually, i was gonna review Lucky Number Slevin and Inside Man as well (both very good shows!!), but i’m so tired i could die. it’s been a long and busy week and the weekend doesnt look like it’s gonna gimme any rest either. i’m good, though, cos it’s EASTER WEEKEND!!! whoo hoo!!
——————-
How To Know You Take Too Many Cabs, And Should Start Learning How To Drive
1. Radio cab receptionists have memorized your phone number
2. Some cabbies have nicknames for you
3. Some cabbies know where all your boyfriends live
4. You hail a cab from somewhere far away, and when you get in, the cabbie says “what are you doing in this side of town??”
5. You know how to glance at the cab meter via the backseat window
6. When cabbies are paged to pick you up, they know to take their time getting there because ‘this girl is always late wan’
7. You can accurately rattle off the taxi fares to every damn place in KL
8. Some cabbies say your home address even before you give it to them
okay no more.
today’s cab story - i was taking a cab to KLCC. i got in, made myself comfortable, and stared out the window. after a while, the cabbie looked at me and said in Chinese, “you’re always sick.”
“huh??”
“you’re the girl who studies in Maluri right..? you cannot remember me ah? you used to page for cabs to go to school, right?”
“hahaha .. yea that would be me”
“well, everytime you come in my cab you’re sniffling or sneezing. even today.”
————
anyway, the above list will soon be obsolete, because su ann has finally taken the first step towards obtaining a driver’s license!!!
i signed up the other day for the Undang (Highway Code) seminar thingy, and oh. my. shitadilly, it was seriously the worst 5 hours of my life. i kept fidgeting, twitching, playing with my hair .. basically everything except listen to the speaker. he wouldnt let me read my Murakami novel (felt like school all over again) and so i settled on working out my schedule for the week as well as next week. and zoning out. and fidgeting. and twitching. and playing with my hair.
then came a moment where he decided to test the students. and if you care, btw, they were all very enthusiastic about being in the class. laughing and joking and shit!!! i just sat there being very bored while Speaker Dude made lame jokes and said the word ‘fuck’ three times. but despite that, for a slight moment, there was a noticeable decline in Total Attention Paid among the room’s inhabitants that day. it could have been due to the insanely warm sluggish weather or it could have been due to the fact that, oh i dont know, maybe this guy is BORING?!, but either way, Speaker Dude realized this and so he decided to ask us a question to bring us back into the zone, the bloody attention-seeker.
“Macam mana nak mengenalpasti bahawa seseorang pemandu sedang membawa kenderaan di bawah pengaruh alkohol?”
(How do you determine if a driver is driving under the influence of alcohol?)
i was doodling in my notebook, but i heard his question loud and clear. and i knew the answer. so automatically and almost instantaneously, i looked up and blurted out :
“Potassium dichromate.”
everyone turned around and looked at me weird. i wanted to say, what?? half of you people are older than me and must have taken SPM Chemistry! surely you know this!!!
after an awkward two seconds passed (i swear i heard crickets), Speaker Dude cleared his throat and said, “Um, the answer is, through his breath, blood and urine.”
ohmygawwwwd.
saja nak memalukan me. why couldnt he have just said, yes yes potassium dichromate is the chemical that we use in those three methods!
bastard.
AND THE CATALYST IS ARGENTUM NITRATE.
29 Comments Add your own
1. percy | April 15th, 2006 at 5:39 am
cannot choose to skip the seminar thing??As i know last i can choose to skip the seminar and practical thing beside even can go for test to get the driver license within a week register…
2. Asyraf Lee | April 15th, 2006 at 7:28 am
I went for Undang, skipped the 6hours and 10hours lessons, took the qualification a week after coz I was outstation, then JPJ test a week after. Took me less than a month.
But driving a Kancil was torturous, my back hurts and my kness always kena the damn steering wheel :(
3. kristof | April 15th, 2006 at 7:35 am
yes the painful undang. and way to go on the kalium dikromat. +5 points
4. Lalita | April 15th, 2006 at 9:05 am
OMG! So much pain in learning how to drive! It took me sweat and toil (sitting in those damn Kancils SO NOT NICE), not to mention it was a VERY expensive venture, to get my Malaysian license and then to my utter chagrin, discovered that now I am settled in the UK, I have to go through the whole damn rigmarole all over again. Is it any wonder I am still procrastinating? Aiyah!
Guess what? I tried the PB Kit Kat Chunky yesterday. Totally awesome. Definitely would eat it again.
5. cK | April 15th, 2006 at 10:28 am
wow vulgar ya….i like….
6. Waifon | April 15th, 2006 at 11:23 am
I actually listened to the entire 5 and 6 hours tutorial okay. It wasn’t THAT torturous if you were to sit right in front because you know you will HAVE to pay attention and not zone out. IT was tad boring but oh well, it’s all good when you you know you’re one step closer to obtaining ur P and not call a single cabbie anymore.
Percy and Asyraf: Now we need at least a month’s time before we can proceed to take our JPJ driving test and there’s no way we can skip the class now=( We need to sign in via the canggih method: Thumbprints and it will all be recorded into our MyKad.
And pinkpau, don’t worry. I travel a lot by cabs also. I think all cabs from Ampang Point, Great Eastern Mall and KLCC knows that I stay somewhere in Ampang Jaya now. Some will even msg me and ask if I need a ride to the club or something every Saturday and Sunday because that’s when I needed the cab most. And galncing at the cab meter via the backseat window? I thot its the front passenger seat window. Not meh?
7. alvin | April 15th, 2006 at 1:05 pm
i think 2/5 is deserving for that movie. Got another must-watch for you - Thank You for Smoking. Almost all the people in the cinema laugh till tears come out odi (and i am not even generalizing!). Witty dialog lines and charming dude.
Of cuz, i doubt it will screen without those bloody censorship, that is if it will ever screen at all.
8. vvens | April 15th, 2006 at 1:20 pm
lol. maybe the speaker doesnt even know what is potassium dichromate. hahahaha.
9. reallybites | April 15th, 2006 at 1:27 pm
i dont remember my undang course.
but but i remember i failed the undang test when i took it for the first time.
I think la,cant remb.so long ago.
hehe
but passed the driving test during the first take la.
10. Bryan | April 15th, 2006 at 1:37 pm
SPM is already over, already over ! You should forget all the stuffs. :p
11. ArtificiallyVerbose | April 15th, 2006 at 2:01 pm
ROFL!!!
i forgot all the terms like an hour after chemistry. eh did the things u mention really happen to you for the cab?
12. Vicnan | April 15th, 2006 at 5:36 pm
pwned! Heh, that’s my favourite geek-nerd girl. =D
I tend to do similar in lecture, never mind that most media students haven’t spent a full year in life science research (I find myself rattling of obscure peptide strains, and coming up with esoteric jokes no one else can pronounce, much else comprehend).
My tutors are used to it.
I’m in no rush to learn to drive though; me behind the wheel of a 1.2 ton machine must be forbidden somewhere in the Geneva Convention. =p
13. Ginny | April 15th, 2006 at 10:39 pm
murakami rocks
14. ginny the scary bitch | April 15th, 2006 at 10:51 pm
murakami rocks!! n btw yea. i can’t comment liao after u change to this comment. haha. my fren helping me post this ;p
15. eWe | April 16th, 2006 at 2:17 am
Thank you Su Ann…you made my day with this post :)
16. pinkpau | April 16th, 2006 at 3:59 am
percy : dont think can skip .. anyway i dont wanna contribute to the bribing problem that seems to be more than rampant in malaysia :D
asyraf : wow, less than a month! i have this feeling mine will take 3 :(
kristof : thanks! what can i redeem with these 5 points? :D
lalita : oh man! but will the process be slightly less troublesome if you can prove you have a driving license from your homeland?
cK : yes, sometimes :D
waifon : omg i think i’d claw my face out if i had to pay attention .. i’m super thankful i brought my planner and pen with me, kept me company for 5 hours throughout all the boredom. and yea, u can see the price of the meter on the backseat window reflection :) i sit there all the time on the left side, so i’ve become accustomed to it, hehe. i never sit at the front
alvin : it is most definitely not screening .. :D i will buy the dvd!
vvens : yea i think he didnt :(
reallybites : haha failing undang better than failing the practical!
bryan : I KNOW!! i donno why i still have all this leftover junk in my brain!!
artificially : haha yeah, all of them! but some happen less than others. like number 3 for instance, it’s only happened with a couple of cabbies.
vicnan : i would so love to hear your esoteric jokes one day. hahaha! ahhhh u people over the causeway have too fantastic a subway system, you dont need the cars!
ginny the scary bitch : yalor my comments system never lets ur comments pass. ends up in my spam all the time! since i moved to quaintly like that liao
ewe : glad it did .. but how?? @_@
17. Ginny | April 16th, 2006 at 4:57 pm
haha..idiot freind.. used that name.. no wor..when u were using the pop up box still will appear.. now onli
18. Lalita | April 16th, 2006 at 6:58 pm
Some countries can do a direct exchange - their home license for a British one but guess what? Malaysia isn’t one of those countries. Aaargh! So frustrating lah!
19. pinkpau | April 17th, 2006 at 1:08 am
ginny : nope, every so often it gets netted by my anti-spam .. so i have to manually approve it. however lately i keep forgetting to check, so yea all ur comments dont get thru liao. ur not the only one though .. @_@ very strange!
lalita : aiyoh! kesian!
20. Esther | April 17th, 2006 at 9:44 pm
during that seminar thingy, my friend and i, we played bingo. haha.
21. FuGZ | April 18th, 2006 at 12:58 pm
Shizzle, i’ll be catching UltraViolet tonight. Thanks for the rough overview of the movie.
Are you ever gonna do that review on Lucky Number Slevin and Inside Man? I guess I’m movie deprieved, i don’t know when these movies came out. Aren’t they out on DVD yet?
by the ways, take it easy on the driving license. Goodluck!
22. pinkpau | April 19th, 2006 at 12:09 am
esther : lucky u, got friend! :( mine all took their undang already. stupid me for procrastinating
fugz : mah nizzle, you’re welcome. no, dont think i will be reviewing those two movies .. a couple of weeks is too much time in between me and a movie for me to remember everything that went down :D not sure bout the DVDs, but i do recommend you watch them. Inside Man is about a bank heist that leaves audience wondering wtf is it really for. dont go in with too high expectations tho, ur gonna be disappointed. just sit back and be intrigued. lucky number slevin is a witty show with seamless transition from entertaining to serious, and is one of josh hartnett’s best. even better than his performance in wicker park, and i LOVED wicker park. haha will do bout the driving license, thanks!
23. FuGZ | April 19th, 2006 at 2:24 am
Ah, i think you have reviewed the 2 briefly. Thanks.
By the way, UltraViolet, i’ll not review it in my blog and have to say it’s pretty….. bad. It’s a comical movie, but it does not have the real touch of comical movies. Unlike Sincity, it fails to give a real comical feel. No twists at all. I guess it doesn’t have the comic quality. Instead, it gave me the impression as if it was some shampoo advert being movie lengthed. More of a chick flick. But yea the chick’s hot.
On top of that Ultra Honest bombshell, i’ll be looking out for the 2 other movies!
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