The Sigh

May 31st, 2006

i generally hang out with happy people. the only times they arent happy are during the one-on-one, heart-to-heart talks that are facilitated by alcohol .. but those moments dont come around often. so most of the time, i am in the company of very happy people. either that or they repress their sadness very well, and wear happy-masks very efficiently. but anyway. my point is that i’ve forgotten what it’s like to be around sad people. well, not so much forgotten. rather more, it’s just one of those things you dont think about when it’s not happening to you.

the last time i clearly remember being around a sad person a lot, was my stint with the second-from-last boyfriend. he wasnt a SAD person, but a sad person. meaning to say, he isnt the sobby, angsty, self-mutilating, the-world-understands-me-not kinda sad person, but he’s just .. well, sad. as in he’s a bleak person, a grey soul, complete with the lifeless eyes. no passion, no zing for anything. i’d describe his sadness more, but i wont, because it is spiritually draining for me to even write the words.

essentially, i believe that’s what our relationship was - spiritually draining. for both of us. i felt so sapped of my happiness and cheer all the time, like one always feels when one is around sad people. and he was sapped too, because i never was able to give him what he needed. it was a sad, cyclic, depressive relationship for the both of us, one that ended for the better.

today, on the way back home, i was in the cab of a cabbie who reminded me very much of aforementioned ex. as in he had that same quietly sad demeanor, the same droop at the corner of his eyes, the same ‘i’d ask you to step all over me, but i’m not worth your time anyway’ gloom lingering over his shoulders. within 5 minutes of entering the car, i felt sad myself. i wanted to give him a hug.

and this man, he kept sighing. the traffic light turned red, he sighed. a car tried to cut in, he sighed. a motorcycle flew past us at the junction, nearly taking off his side mirror, he sighed. someone sounded the horn at him, he sighed. is it weird if i said i could feel him getting older and older as he sighed his years away?

i wanted to reach out. tap on his shoulder and ask. what’s wrong? are you okay? why are you so sad?

is there anything i can do?

but i didnt. and that’s exactly the problem isnt it? we see sad people all the time but we never bother to do anything about it.

i left my strawberry sweets behind for him, though. i hope that somehow helps.

sigh!

Entry Filed under: General

Viewing 24 Comments