8 People You Meet In Gym

June 11th, 2006

1. Muscle Men

these are the very big, beefy and hulking men who stalk around the gym in an imposing manner like they own the place. most of them wear little football shorts that provide the opportunity to show off their thick and muscular thighs, but The White Singlet is a compulsory must. on the days that they dont feel like wearing a white singlet, a grey singlet is then the option.

you can recognise these (pre-politician) Schwarzenegger types not only by sight, but also via auditory perception. you dont even have to strain hard to hear the urrrrrnnnnghhhssss and aaaaaaaaRRRghhhHHsss that come from the weightlifting section of gym, courtesy of the Muscle Men demographic. while to some of us, these sounds are a bit disconcerting and sound like they’re better off in the bedroom, it is NOT our place to go over and tap them on the shoulder and say “hey can you please shut up”, because - one, you dont want to be their next protein shake, and two, i once had a trainer who would anticipate those sounds with great relish. he would lean on my treadmill and say excitedly, ‘OOH OOH HERE IT COMES!’. so dont take away his fun, as well as the fun of others who share his sentiment!

sometimes, though not everytime, but almost always - you can distinguish the Muscle Men from other counterparts by their smell as well. it is more than sufficient to say that when you walk past them and exercise your God-given right to inhale, you’d wish you DIDN’T have that God-given right.

2. Models Who Dont Work Out For More Than 2 Minutes

ooh I SO LOVE to see models come to the gym! it’s just so fun :D see this is what they’ll do - they come to gym in their long, sleek, black tights and small navel-baring halter top (usually pink and from Nike), get on the treadmill, frown at it for a bit, poke at the buttons, walk for 2 minutes, run for 1 minute, get off the treadmill, collect their stuff from the locker room, and then leave.

huh?

after so many years of gymming observation at Menara Maxis, i’ve come to realize that yes, this is indeed the routine of the majority of our model-esque gymmers. donno why but Menara Maxis is where they all go to. maybe cos KLCC is next door, so they can go shopping after that. hey actually come to think of it, why DO all models hang out at KLCC?

oh wait did i also mention that they come to gym wearing makeup? but WHY?! it’s so bad for the skin!! clogged pores!!! the horror.

3. Super Skinny Girls Who Look Like They Dont Need To Work Out Anyway

oh, all you women know the type! they prance around the gym in their hot little workout clothes without wobbling one bit, looking very sexy and completely out of place amongst the sweaty and heavier general populace. you look at them through slitted eyes, glare at them and think to yourself “what the hell does she need to come to gym for?!” and then you immediately feel self-conscious. and then you suddenly feel like jogging another 2km. or doing another 3 sets of leg presses.

they are also the girls who walk around stark naked in the locker room without a care in the world, leaving in their wake all the other women trying to look like they’re not looking, but of course they are all looking. it’s like being a witness to PDA. you kinda wanna look, but it would be rude to, and will make you seem like you dont see it everyday. which you dont. but who wants to let the rest of the world know that?

4. The Sullen Ones With A Purpose

these are the people who go to gym, work out, shower and leave. no socialising, no locker room discourse, no flirting with the pretty receptionists, no sitting around pretending to read newspapers while checking out bums of Models Who Dont Work Out For More Than 3 Minutes. they usually look really constipated while working out. and damn fierce also. dresscode : the most inconspicuous loose tshirts and shorts.

5. Super Hot Yuppies

the first time i went to the Menara Axis branch, i thought i’d died and went to Hot Yuppie Haven. i love hot yuppies. that is all.

6. Personal Trainers Who Accost You Into Hiring Them

they call you to check on your progress all the time, work out a nice programme for you, greet you warmly everytime they see you. amd so you think wow, they are REALLY friendly, and that they just really want to help you reach your ultimate goals of fitness … but thou art wrong! they just want your RM 1,050 for 10 Personal Training sessions!! okay lah they’re not all that bad. but most of them are.

7. The Joy Luck Club

heeheehee. the Joy Luck Club consists of these rather loud and very excited Chinese ladies who go to the gym everyday to catch up with their friends. this club doesnt exist outside of the Leisure Mall branch of my gym, so if you wanna see them, you will just have to go there. you dont have to look at the machines, or at the weights section - the only place they hang out is the Group Exercise Room and the Juice Bar.

this bunch ah, they very funny wan. during G-Ex, they only go for the happy-clappy sorta classes, namely Body Jam and Body Attack, and occasionally Body Combat. and naturally they will all flock to the front of the room, occasionally holding hands in one long line.

but that’s not the best part.

the best part is that on certain days of certain weeks, they actually colour-coordinate their outfits!!!!! damn shocking okay, one day i went for Body Jam and saw like 10 women - and 1 man, they always have this guy with them - at the front wearing yellow tops and black slacks. i was like shit, got dress code ah today?? everybody else (meaning, us poor folk who werent exclusively invited into the Joy Luck Club) were clearly confused as well. the Joy Luck Club later haughtily told us it was a ‘friend-friend’ thing. oh. right. okay.

8. Girl Who Brings McDonalds Into Locker Room, Allowing Delicious Smell To Waft In The Air, Thus Pissing Off All Other Gymmers (read, Dieters or Keep-Fitters) And Earning Many Death Glares, But Does Not Care Because She Has McDonalds And They Don’t!!!

that would be me :D

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