Close To You

so there i was, sitting there, steeping myself in other people’s cigarette smoke, passively leeching on their carefree happiness. today is a bad day, i had exclaimed loudly when i got in the car. why, he asked. because i woke up today and the day just sucked, i said. now, here, in this dim and laidbackedly bubbly (oxymoron, yes? not really) pub, my thoughts are a million miles away. the day is starting to get a little bit better because chocolate cake said so.

suddenly, the very well-known opening of an old song floats into the air, set into motion by the karaoke machine, finding its way into my ears. i almost roll my eyes. i dont really like this song. cos it’s weird. and i never really FELT it. i sing it, but i dont feel it. for a fleeting moment i wonder if i am the only person who cant feel the song, or if the rest of the world dont feel it either, but only pretend to. what makes a person feel a song anyway?

why do birds suddenly appear

aiyo damn corny lah. couldnt the songwriter have come up with a better subject than birds? i mean, it’s the bloody opening line of the song!

everytime you’re near?

but automatically and unwittingly, visions of you start to form in my mind. this time, you are walking down the path of a park alone. it is autumn, and red leaves are falling all around, to the ground, content with being just beautiful. you’re oblivious to all that is around you, but your surroundings are so aware.

of you.

they know you are here - the trees bend towards you, and the wind rushes into your hair in a hurried attempt to be a part of you. babies in their mother’s arms turn to stare at you curiously as you walk past, girls giggle and blush. the sun hides coyly behind the clouds, who are more than willing to cloak you from the heat. and of course, flocks of birds fly overhead as if in a unified search for something.

i dont know where you are headed to. you’re just walking. but the world seems to recognise you and almost exalt you, in a familiar and warm and tight way. the world seems to love you.

just like me, they long to be

close to you.

it’s so easy to kid around with you and say stupid stuff. but it’s really strange how sometimes it feels like i’m aching just to touch you. a dull blunt pain in my heart that says - reach out and brush the tips of your fingers against his, it’s not that hard. but i just cant. i think i’ll wait for you to do it first. if you don’t, then i will just have to content myself with arbitrary thoughts of you, wistful daydreams, until the day you fade clear away from my mind.

20 comments June 15th, 2006