Ugh
people ask me this question all the time -
‘why are you taking it so seriously?’
everytime someone says it to me, i actually get really pissed off. i mean, here i am, trying to tell you about something that i actually feel quite strongly about, and you’re just going to brush it away in all your indifference? it annoys me to know that stuff that i think are big things, are actually very insignificant to others. why cant you see it from my point of view? why cant you see why it riles me up so much?
this happens so often that i’m beginning to seriously question if i am too intense a person. my brothers and i recently had a huge fight outside our house - basically they wanted to go watch footie at midnight when they had school the next day. they wouldnt be back till like 3am, and so when i bumped into them on the way out, i said no you guys cant go. and then we argued right there in the middle of the street, me screaming at them to get back in the house while they stood there staring at me like i had gone nuts. “what’s your problem,” they asked. “it’s just football lah. it’s not like we’re going to miss school the next day.”
that pissed me off even more. truthfully, to me it was never about the football. it was just that i feel my brothers lack a lot of discipline in their lives (no thanks to parents) and sometimes a line needs to be drawn. i decided that this was going to be the moment i put my foot down, and clearly i chose the wrong moment, but what the hell, a lot of damage can be done by the time the next chance rolls around. anyway lah. in all my furor i texted my mom and told her off for being a horrible parent and having me do her parenting for her. she actually forwarded the text to my dad, and my dad came back and said, why are you taking this whole thing so seriously? boys will be boys, let them have their fun.
i was so appalled i didnt know what to say. but then after a week of pondering, i’ve come to realize that maybe i AM taking all this shit too seriously. it’s not like staying out late are going to turn them into delinquents (right?), or that if i suddenly decided to limit their freedom to do stuff, it’s not like they’re going to turn into angels overnight. so what really is the point of me giving a damn? all it does is create a bigger rift between my brothers and i - something i definitely do not want to do.
another instant of this whole taking things too seriously thing was when a REALLY good friend of mine was forbidden by his girlfriend to see me or spend time with me. i got really upset about it, almost distraught, over the fact that this whole girlfriends-of-friends not wanting their boyfriends to see me anymore was becoming freakishly recurrent. i asked a few of my close friends if there was something wrong with me, why is it that girls are so wary about their boyfriends being around me? i’m no supermodel, i’m like a nobody lah. i’m no threat or anything lah. so why am i always the one who gets this prejudice from the girlfriends?! i prattled on and on about this in all my worry, until i was told, ‘dont take it so seriously la. just go on hanging out with your guy friends.’
my first response was, you think it’s that simple ah? but then i couldnt come up with any reason why i shouldnt just IGNORE this whole thing. it really is that simple. those girls will just have to deal with their insecurities in another way, or take it out on some other person. i’m not going to give a fuck anymore.
actually, i’ve gone on a really long tangent. the whole point of me writing this post is that i’ve just realized today that i take mere words too seriously. it’s just WORDS lah. people can say whatever the hell they want and not really mean it. why do i always cling on to the fact that people only say certain things when they mean all 100% of it? it’s just not that way anymore, people arent so honest now. moments and intentions sway people, and the rest of us just fall for it hook line and sinker.
Comments July 5th, 2006
