Ugh
July 5th, 2006
people ask me this question all the time -
‘why are you taking it so seriously?’
everytime someone says it to me, i actually get really pissed off. i mean, here i am, trying to tell you about something that i actually feel quite strongly about, and you’re just going to brush it away in all your indifference? it annoys me to know that stuff that i think are big things, are actually very insignificant to others. why cant you see it from my point of view? why cant you see why it riles me up so much?
this happens so often that i’m beginning to seriously question if i am too intense a person. my brothers and i recently had a huge fight outside our house - basically they wanted to go watch footie at midnight when they had school the next day. they wouldnt be back till like 3am, and so when i bumped into them on the way out, i said no you guys cant go. and then we argued right there in the middle of the street, me screaming at them to get back in the house while they stood there staring at me like i had gone nuts. “what’s your problem,” they asked. “it’s just football lah. it’s not like we’re going to miss school the next day.”
that pissed me off even more. truthfully, to me it was never about the football. it was just that i feel my brothers lack a lot of discipline in their lives (no thanks to parents) and sometimes a line needs to be drawn. i decided that this was going to be the moment i put my foot down, and clearly i chose the wrong moment, but what the hell, a lot of damage can be done by the time the next chance rolls around. anyway lah. in all my furor i texted my mom and told her off for being a horrible parent and having me do her parenting for her. she actually forwarded the text to my dad, and my dad came back and said, why are you taking this whole thing so seriously? boys will be boys, let them have their fun.
i was so appalled i didnt know what to say. but then after a week of pondering, i’ve come to realize that maybe i AM taking all this shit too seriously. it’s not like staying out late are going to turn them into delinquents (right?), or that if i suddenly decided to limit their freedom to do stuff, it’s not like they’re going to turn into angels overnight. so what really is the point of me giving a damn? all it does is create a bigger rift between my brothers and i - something i definitely do not want to do.
another instant of this whole taking things too seriously thing was when a REALLY good friend of mine was forbidden by his girlfriend to see me or spend time with me. i got really upset about it, almost distraught, over the fact that this whole girlfriends-of-friends not wanting their boyfriends to see me anymore was becoming freakishly recurrent. i asked a few of my close friends if there was something wrong with me, why is it that girls are so wary about their boyfriends being around me? i’m no supermodel, i’m like a nobody lah. i’m no threat or anything lah. so why am i always the one who gets this prejudice from the girlfriends?! i prattled on and on about this in all my worry, until i was told, ‘dont take it so seriously la. just go on hanging out with your guy friends.’
my first response was, you think it’s that simple ah? but then i couldnt come up with any reason why i shouldnt just IGNORE this whole thing. it really is that simple. those girls will just have to deal with their insecurities in another way, or take it out on some other person. i’m not going to give a fuck anymore.
actually, i’ve gone on a really long tangent. the whole point of me writing this post is that i’ve just realized today that i take mere words too seriously. it’s just WORDS lah. people can say whatever the hell they want and not really mean it. why do i always cling on to the fact that people only say certain things when they mean all 100% of it? it’s just not that way anymore, people arent so honest now. moments and intentions sway people, and the rest of us just fall for it hook line and sinker.
Entry Filed under: Musings
20 Comments Add your own
1. Anon | July 5th, 2006 at 4:40 pm
People aren’t empathic by nature. If everyone grew up being empathic, people would get along much better and the world would be a better place - in theory.
It’s hard to get someone else to feel strongly about something they don’t understand, or haven’t experienced yet. They don’t know what you know or believe in what you believe in. They haven’t seen or felt things as you have.
It’s easy for people who read or write a lot to expect others to be empathic. After reading so many books, and seeing from so many perspectives, it would be easier for us to be empathic - to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. But we simply cannot expect the same from others.
I guess the trick is to just know which battles to fight, and which ones to back off from. Concede defeat every now and then, but extract a promise or agreement from the other party as compromise. Blast the other person, then work your way towards a pleasant compromise :P People appreciate that, if only to escape from your clutches. They’d just want a hasty retreat at that point.
As for the jealous girlfriends? It’s not your fault. It’s just that they don’t trust their boyfriends. That’s why their relationships might not last, while your friendships will. Cheer up! Don’t take things too seriously! :D
Okay that’s all.
ps: I’m bored. Can you tell?
2. Johann | July 5th, 2006 at 4:55 pm
You want the best for your brothers, you want them to at least have some sort of resemblance of a “proper” upbringing (no thanks to your parents).
Not many people in this world live life as passionately as you do. You are so special and those that think you take it too seriously don’t know and/or understand that :) You know I love you! :D
3. nick au | July 5th, 2006 at 7:20 pm
Hey Suann,
Been in the same situation with my sister. Well I think that as I grew older, I kinda knew why I screamed and yelled at her about all those late nights out and all the jazz about being not discipline and yes even to the extent of squealling at my parents.
The point is this, our parents brought us up quite alright and they’re there for a reason on our siblings part as well. No, hell my sister isn’t anywhere near as well behaved and considerate as me or yours may not be as well behaved either, but they are still your siblings and if you actually grew up alright, I’m pretty sure your parent’s knows what they’re doing. I’m sure you love your brothers a lot, as I do with my sister, but parenting unless in the case that it’s a necessity, should largely be left to our parents and we’re just there to enforce the rule enforce by our parents…
In the entire whole picture, I don’t think that you’re taking things overly too serious, just might wanna start looking at the humours between the lines and you’d fine that there’s a lot less things to fret about and more important work to be done…
Not sure if I made any sense but yea.. cheers to you for writting all of these..
4. justakid | July 5th, 2006 at 8:05 pm
haih, girlfriends will always be gfs.
i got those warnings too. like the gfs start spreadin rumours abt me and shit. like “Su Ann is such a bitch, she’s stealin my bf, what the hell is she tryin 2 prove???”
yes, my name is Su Ann too, by the way. haha.
5. MichelleSY | July 5th, 2006 at 8:39 pm
“Why are you taking it so seriously?”
Because you’re you.
Perhaps some people might find a situation where others are voicing strong opinons/ expressing intense emotions uncomfortable.
Perhaps they dislike being drawn in, dislike being made to think, feel, judge, vent, comment.
Perhaps they feel that the fact you’re displaying some sort of a reaction, demands a response from them in return.
Or perhaps they truly think it’s no big deal.
Perhaps.
But that’s them. NOT you. So you keep on being you, and don’t let anyone tell you any different.
From what you’ve written, I don’t see anything wrong in your trying to prevent your brothers from ‘mamak-ing’ into the wee hours of dawn, considering it’s a school night. Your parents sounds like they’re very libertine, which parenting style may or may not suit every child.
But you’ve tried to do what you thought was right for them - while your brothers, of course, want to do the exact opposite, I mean, teenage rebellion isn’t called teenage rebellion for nothing, hey?
As for the jealous girlfriends issue, *sigh*, they should just move on, don’t you think? There is truly nothing you can do on your part, without being called names or worse by them. So yes, I think you’ve got the right attitude going there: c’est la vie.
And words? I’m pretty much a sceptic, so to me, words are sometimes just empty sounds and grand promises that come to nothing. But if they were coming from someone you trust/ care about, wouldn’t you would you could believe everything they say? *wistful smile*
But don’t plunge into an absolute abyss of self-doubt, OK? Everyone has to find out who they are and how others perceive them, and IMHO, it sounds like this might be one of those times.
Here’s hoping you feel better soon and take care!
6. Gin | July 5th, 2006 at 9:02 pm
“Why are you taking it so seriously?”
;p ppl say that to me a lot too =D whahaha.. *hi 5*
actually ure bro’s @_@.. letting them go out all the time whenever they like actually does result in them getting worst.. >=S .. but at the same time …at their age u had that freedom =S.. the onli diff.. responsibility..so ure not wrong wert..
n the whole bf/gf thing.. look at me ;p im like that also wad.. but truth b truth..ian memang liked them..admitted in the end..
so mebbe its the same wid ure frens as well leh.. seeing as ure the 1 who’s the good friend u wont realise it ma.. but the gf who’s very observant watching the bf n noticing his every move will lo…
7. suyen | July 5th, 2006 at 9:03 pm
emm hei…the real thing is words just something that hard for anyone to forget about it…i know y u r taking it so serious.. actually nothing wrong wit it also.. is good to be serious in thing sometimes…
8. alvin | July 5th, 2006 at 9:36 pm
Well, if all the girlfriends of your friends don’t want them to see you anymore, then you must be doing something right, apperance wise or that darn cute wittiness up on your sleeve.
Or maybe they just lack of some serious self-confidence.
9. jacksup | July 5th, 2006 at 10:11 pm
so im not the only one. its the gfs problem lacking of insecurities. just silly.
10. foreverjas | July 5th, 2006 at 10:25 pm
havin the same thing with my bro!!! hate hate!!! y do i care so much @.@!!!
11. director | July 5th, 2006 at 10:57 pm
hey su ann,dun be sad…..regard to the do u take it too seriously? maybe is because you want everything in order,but u should realise that this world is not perfect and sometimes,you just have to let it go…….and regard to ur good friend which was forbidden,by following girls phycology….they tend to be unsecure if their bf mix with another guy too much……this will cause the girl to have insecurity feeling….
12. DLT2 | July 6th, 2006 at 12:42 am
Football come once in 4 years. But that doesn’t mean that people can stray away from their disciplines.
Now thats something I need to tell myself =/
*resisting the urge to watch France vs. Portugal which is airing in about 2 hrs time*
13. eWe | July 6th, 2006 at 12:46 am
Congratulations, you’re actually maturing. Oh and btw, about discipline, I think that we learnt from people who have discipline.
14. pinkpau | July 6th, 2006 at 1:33 am
anon : you’re a wise one :) to concede defeat but request a compromise - very smart! i’ll keep this in mind.
johann : that’s exactly it, i really DO want them to grow up right :( but i think it’s just not going to be possible. it’s way too late for that, and after all i am their sister - i just dont have the authority a parent has. and oh you always know how to make me feel better! :) *huggles*
nick au : that’s what everyone thinks, that just because i grew up right, my parents are doing something right.. but honestly it’s none of their doing. i was just lucky enough to know how to set my priorities right at a young age, with an aunt, adult friends and very concerned teachers to set me on the right track. my bros on the other hand dont have all that, that’s why they’re turning out the way they are, and this worries the living daylights out of me. and yes i’m beginning to see that i should learn to take certain things lightly .. :) hehe thanks for making me feel kinda normal.
justakid : hehe yes i know :P
michellesy : do you do psychology? you’ve got very accurate observations :) anyway i think for now it’s a question of whether i should or should not be taking things so seriously. when i do, sometimes it’s unneccessary (but i dont see it) and hence it causes a lot of worry/sadness for myself, and difficult situations for others. sigh. it’s hard to talk about it without giving away the actual situation, but i’m sure you grasp what i’m trying to say :) as for jealous girlfriends, they dont call me names or anything, thankfully .. they just dont like their bfs to hang out around me. it’s ridiculous. for the most part i usually respect their wishes and try to keep a distance from their bfs (my friends) but i’m getting increasingly annoyed at myself for being so nice and obliging when they’re clearly not returning the favour. and hehe yes a lot of selfdiscovery going on lately.
gin : haha yes i know, you and i are so similar in that way. as for my bros, yea i know it makes them worse.. but i’m beginning to see that there is nothing i can do about it. when i was their age, my friends who were my age were all a bunch of goody-goodys, whereas my older friends all really looked after me. them on the other hand .. their peers are all the type who think its cool to smoke, cool to not come home, etc etc. their older friends are even worse influences. so i’m just worried sick. and HAH maybe you can tell me why my friend’s gfs dont allow them to hang out with me .. i dont see the logic of it.
suyen : there are just some words that i place too much importance on .. to an extent that it’s not suitable in this day and age anymore, and leads me to believe things that i shouldnt be.
alvin : i think it’s their self confidence issue ..
jacksup : either that or they love their bfs too much to even consider the idea of losing them
foreverjas : siigh :( tell me when you figure it out!
director : i donno, i’m just really tired of being the nice girl in all these rifts between me and my friends and their girlfriends..
DLT2 : france is going to win :P
ewe : thanks, you always know what to say ..
15. Ginny | July 6th, 2006 at 6:33 pm
hahaha..mebbe ure like so close to the guy..den u know la..guys so fa sam wann.. whhichever girl close to them its like auto they will like them..den the gf can see wan lor..they will feel that the bf treat this girl extra specially the way they look at the girl also differently..den do things for this girl that they would never do for them
u know u la ;p hahaha.. treat ppl so nice 4 wad >=p but u need to treat me nicer.. wahhahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *hint hint*
16. nick au | July 6th, 2006 at 7:24 pm
oh nooos!! i’m so sorry… usually people tell me that I make them feel special.. i didn’t know that you would be the other way around… errhs….oops?
soweeee
pouts*
17. MichelleSY | July 6th, 2006 at 10:52 pm
No I don’t do psychology, but I picked it as an elective in 2nd year, does that count? *grins*
But seriously, the reasons you think my observations might reflect your experience is because: 1. I AM one of those ‘intense’ people :D 2. Having just attained my quarter of a century on earth, I am feeling intensely…OLD…and…errrrr….like I’ve been round the track a couple of times? *sigh*
But what I’m really trying to say is: I’ve been in your shoes. When bad things happen (especially when they happen not to me, but to people I care about) I get angry. Really, really angry. I-could-so-turn-into-The-Hulk-right-now kinda angry.
So I get pissed off, start venting (I sometimes rage too, but only for a good cause, such as when I found out my friend’s then parter was cheating on her) and then all hell breaks loose.
And yes, people have been known to comment “Why are you taking it so seriously anyway, it’s not like it’s happening to you?” on numerous occassions.
The answer? Because I care for and about you, you noob!!! (I am sure you feel the same about your brothers, that is, the caring bit, NOT the noob bit :P
As for whether to take a certain issue seriously, I think Anon’s advice is on the money. You’ve gotta pick your battles. And yes, having experienced and inflicted it first-hand, I know that having an intense temperament does not a calm household or a hiccup-free friendship make.
But what the hey, sometimes our emotion/ indignation does overcome us and burst the boundaries of propriety/ decorum and all that jazz.
So, if you think it’s something worth fighting for/ about, then by all means, break out them (metaphorical) boxing gloves! I still commend you for your concern regarding your brothers and their upbringing (or lack thereof?) and definitely, forge ahead with the self-discovery!
Take care and it’s always a pleasure to read your blog.
18. ianfluenza | July 7th, 2006 at 9:48 am
I feel less apprehensive about myself now that I’ve read your post. I am not alone after all…
http://ianliew.blogspot.com/2006/07/promise-me-not.html
yay
19. clem | July 10th, 2006 at 10:15 pm
Probably a bit late for me to comment, but I totally feel exactly what you said in your last para. Words that people don’t mean but blurt out anyway made me hang onto them for days or weeks before I finally forget about it altogether.
20. martian | January 21st, 2007 at 11:15 pm
baby i loooove you. i loooove you so much. you are the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world. i love you. i want you. i want you forever.
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