Really Me
July 13th, 2006
it’s been a sad month. i’ve been feeling dejected – dejected about missed chances, unachieved goals, distrust issues, and the fact that time is way too fleeting. i’d go on and on about how i cant believe it’s already mid July, but i dont really want to think about it.
recently i’ve had this need to just break away from people. familiarity breeding contempt is dangerously the situation of the moment. so i took some time off for myself today after college (did i mention that i missed 2 classes and was severly late for the other 1, for which my team was first in line to give a presentation?) to just do stuff i want to do alone. it was awesome. i spent an hour in How & Why reading book after book on interior design and architecture. this is really something i cant do if someone was with me – i’d feel so edgy and i’d be constantly worried if they were bored. so ironically, i always end up looking like the bored and fidgety one instead … and so we leave. but this time, it’s all cool. i have no one but myself to cater to. i want to stay and read, and so i do. i even buy a book. one that i wont be reading… but it just felt right to buy it. i saw it on the shelf a month ago, and subsequently placed an order for a new copy on a whim, though immediately after that i wasnt sure if it was a good idea to get it. but now that i’ve seen it another time, it’s confirmed – i do want it. i’m pretty sure it’s the right book.
after that i treated myself to ice cream at New Zealand’s. who cares what Lam (trainer) will think! what i need is cookies and cream in a waffle cone with hot fudge! the last time i had this exact combo, i bumped into Robert who was with Chew’s sister and another guy whose name i forgot. marcus i think. it was so awkward cos i havent seen Robert in so damn long. i remember he asked me, “so do you still live at the same place?” and i laughed and said, “robert! it’s only been 6 months!”. but 6 months is a long time. i bumped into Robert again yesterday at Mid Valley. he walked right into me on purpose, going aiiiiiiiiyaaaak and making me freak out cos i thought i’d hurt a stranger badly. it was a nice bumping-into this time around – no awkward questions or uneasy shuffling of feet. we’re cool now.
i lean against the railing for a while, eating my ice cream out of a waffle cone, and just looking at people below walking past me. i can see a lot from my vantage point. what i cannot see however is a restaurant that has grown to become special. it’s directly below me and a little bit to the southeast, unfortunately i cant see through floors. and i cant see through people’s obstinations and my own mind games. sometimes i think if i just took things less seriously and were more of a 21st century girl, i’d be a lot happier. i wouldnt be asking why? so much. anyway back to the restaurant. it’s got meaning now. a hidden meaning, but still. maybe over time i’ll learn how to uncover the secret more efficiently, at the same time making it look like i wasnt the one who uncovered it. but until then, i shall just blame a dying interest and seeming arrogance.
MPH the bookstore is the next place i wander into. it’s nice to not have a plan, nice to just wander. sometimes i question why i only feel like this on some levels but not all. like i’ve always known myself to be an impulsive person who never really plans for anything, but does everything on a whim and at the very last minute possible. but then there are times when i practice caution unrelentlessly and almost staunchly, to an extent that it becomes ridiculous. so does that mean i am impulsive or not? or a little bit of both? i looked at recipe books in MPH. never really got why people pay so much money for them when you can get better recipes (with reviews too!) online. stared at the bestseller shelf and instantly remembered why i never feel comfy sneaking reads in any MPHs besides the one in Mid Valley or 1U. this branch, like all the rest, feels too small and too dark and too inadequate and not well stocked enough. i dont stay long enough to read a few synopses or to buy a book… this isnt MPH Mid Valley!
after buying a few cards for the July and August babies, i bounded over to Starbucks. as usual i dont finish my drink. i’m really just there to see if the baristas are nice. is it just me or are Starbucks baristas damn interesting people? young and quirky and cute. they know good music too. when i was finished with Starbucks i went shopping. shopping makes me happy usually, but sometimes it depresses me too. today it was a little bit of both. today is a fairly dualistic day. and that’s quite unsettling. what is a dualistic day? does that mean you are at the ends of both extremes or are you in the middle, in between both? when people ask me so how was your day?, and i say, ‘it was good and bad’, i always feel like it’s a weird thing to say. just like when people tell me that, i believe that they are not telling me the truth. anyways the moneychanger dude at the currency exchange next to The Social asked me if i was from the States. and i said yes, but like, i’m totally here on like summer school? and then he asked where in the States and i thought of Chris and i said San Francisco. and he said ahhhh but you look Chinese? and then i said, hello? that soooo doesnt make me any less Americannnnn. he said sorry. then i laughed and said no lah i bluff you only, i’m from KL wan. he laughed too. it was a funny conversation, one that lifted my mood considerably. i later had to go back to exchange more money and this time i told him i was REALLY from Nebraska (puppy i thought of you). hehe he didnt buy it this time. so much for farces eh?
snippets of conversations i overheard in Bangsar today :
“and i already spoke to the engineering team..” – plump middleaged caucasian man walking up the steps to Bangsar Village
“i dont know how to make that” – caucasian brunette to her caucasian brunette friend at the vegetable aisle in Bangsar Village’s supermarket
“but i spend a lot of time with Wai Yee too!” – guy with a group of Coffee Bean staff having dinner at Nirwana
“she’s so like that wan la. sometimes i dont know what the hell it’s going to take to change her.” – girl at the table behind mine in Starbucks, to her boyfriend. she was having a caramel macchiato.
“this is the 4th time i’m telling you” – tall lanky indian guy with a light blue shirt on the phone
“MUMMMM CAN I HAVE A SUPERMAN BOOK” – young toddler at MPH with a bowl-cut hairstyle
“jason, dont yell” – mother of said toddler
“it’s fuchsia, honey, not pink” – flamboyant male sales assistant at Blook
30 Comments Add your own
1. reallybites | July 13th, 2006 at 12:59 am
next time,try driving….alone…(not late nights la hor,dangerous)..
2. reallybites | July 13th, 2006 at 1:02 am
i think i was going to say not late at night….urgh
i like the pic.retro..
3. ArtificiallyVerbose | July 13th, 2006 at 3:32 am
night driving with placid thoughts for company is best on rainy nights with certain genres of music.
which railing were you at? i’ve got the restaurants down to 2 but i tend to think more to the shades of tiffany. then again quirky looking plastic chairs 2 sizes too small may be your thing…
4. Ken | July 13th, 2006 at 9:30 am
Was about to say what reallybites said. Try driving…
To me, nothing beats the feeling of being in control… going nowhere particular.. blasting nice music on the player.
Therapy for me.
5. louyau | July 13th, 2006 at 11:47 am
Does that really work? Driving at night … Giving the fact that *we* are in the middle of the city … Hmmmmz …
6. ront | July 13th, 2006 at 2:39 pm
your event on that day sounds like those tai-tai…just minus the hair-salon visit, manicure, pedicure, all sorts of cure.
7. Johann | July 13th, 2006 at 4:06 pm
Yah, you really need “me” time every once in a while. Its just nice to be there and be alone in this over-connected world. You learn so much about how things are really going and sort out all those thoughts that you are always too busy for.
8. Waifon | July 13th, 2006 at 4:57 pm
You were in MidValley yesterday? I was there too! Same…need some peace and time alone with thy self.
You mean you actually exchange USD to RM everytime you spend money? Higher value eh?
anyway, I also never liked reading in any MPH bookstores. No plush sofas, no good music. Same goes to Kinokuniya. Those security officers dressed like normal customers make people feel very uncomfortable, awkward and self- conscious.Borders on the other hand is wayyyyy better. Good books, good music, good sofas and fantastic caramel machiatto. Starbucks and Borders really go hand in hand :) Cheer up already :D
9. kristof | July 13th, 2006 at 5:58 pm
a nice quiet corner at a top of a hill works wonders too.
and great catch on the fuchsia thingy. hmmph.
10. director | July 13th, 2006 at 7:21 pm
hey su ann,well u seems very depressed recently….after all,take it easy gal….think of the bright sight of the occasion or incident…btw,so chun la u get to visit expensive cafe’s and restaurant like starbuck’s that would be a treat for me if i get to catch a drink there…be happy :D
11. nick au | July 13th, 2006 at 7:28 pm
wow…really random snippets of convos…
loves*
12. entwined | July 13th, 2006 at 7:48 pm
nice post. hope you’ll feel better :)
13. Joshua | July 13th, 2006 at 8:07 pm
When I am stressed, I’ll drive to the nearest LRT station, head towards KLCC, disembark, then walk to Avenue K, where it is quiet and on the floor where Nikko is, there’s this wide open space without shops and over there would be a stunning view of KL traffic.
Surprisingly quiet, I find my refuge in that spot of KL. And I write.
You might want to try that too, if writing helps you to get everything out.
Ohya, and sometimes, I pray.
14. meanoldman | July 13th, 2006 at 8:18 pm
the happy planet index reported that vanuatu was one of the poorest but happiest countries in the world. a rep from a vanuatu website said “don’t tell anyone, but we’re happy because we don’t know what we don’t have”.
15. s!mple cheryl | July 13th, 2006 at 9:52 pm
sometimes girls just need some ‘alone time’ and i think the best way to do that is to chill out in starbucks and have a good book or mags like CLEO or Female.
chill out k!
*hugz*
16. tze | July 13th, 2006 at 10:23 pm
i love shopping alone too. its so.. liberating. but i don’t really like to watch people. I’m too self absorbed for that. tralala. haha.
17. foreverjas | July 13th, 2006 at 11:13 pm
wow. u’re such a special girl haha :P i do tht too….
18. Adrian C | July 14th, 2006 at 1:29 am
you are one deep person pinks. i like! and also has super-hearing like superman. i can see it now : SuperPink ‘I hear everything’. wow.
19. andrew | July 14th, 2006 at 2:45 am
ey, finish school for what it’s worth and then do something really special lar.
(probably write a book about shopping/eating. lol)
then apply for us colleges like you always wanted to.
20. pinkpau | July 14th, 2006 at 2:02 pm
reallybites : i dont even have my license yet … hahaha till then, this driving alone at night thingy is going to have to wait :P
artificially : i was at the railing right beside the escalators. hehe just work geographically from there.
ken : maybe the reason i’m depressed so often is because i dont drive… haha seeing how all of you guys keep saying driving is such a moodlifter!
louyau : actually i think it would ! but probably not for me cos i’m damn scared of driving
ront : harh? if you take away manicures and pedicures and salon visits, how can it be taitai? the only taitai thing i did was go shopping.. :)
johann : exactly.. i think i should start scheduling more alonetime..
waifon : no, the day before i wrote this post :) the day i wrote this post i was in bangsar. actually i’ve never stayed very long in borders .. the only one i’ve been to is the one in times square, and that time oso just go there to take pics only. must definitely spend more time there :) are u allowed to bring unpaid for books into the starbucks lounge area?
kristof : in kl? where! and yeah he pronounced it right too .. :D
director : yea you’ve noticed huh. haha it’s just been such a bad month. as for bright sides, they are plenty.. but i think i’m in too much of a sad mode to really appreciate them. which is.. well.. sad. mebbe one day i’ll treat u to starbucks :) but only if i get to choose your drink and cake!!!!
nick au : hehe its good to eavesdrop once in a while. it’s like reading a book.
entwined : have yet to do so ..
joshua : i’m going to invade this space of yours one day .. :) but technology has spoilt me, i dont think i’d be able to do the whole pen and paper thing. prayer.. sometimes i cant find the words.
meanoldman : i guess i should be glad that msia has a higher HPI than i do ..
simple cheryl : that’s so true :) alone time is good.
tze : hey but u know what sucks, no one to help u carry ur bags!!! seriously if there was a way to shop alone so that you have all ur stuff with u, yet u dont have to carry it all .. it’d be so perfect. hehe but then i guess the impossibility of that is the reason why boyfriends are the coolest thing on earth
foreverjas : no, not special .. :) just a curious person.
adrian c : hahaa ppl talk so loud nowadays, it’s hard not to overhear!
andrew : i wanna quit collegeeeeeeee. anyways will probably go in for freshman fall intake of2007. hey when u leavin?
21. andrew | July 14th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
hey good good good! email me for all my college application stuff, essays, etc if ure interested.
quit college! show them that uve balls!
leaving 24 august. packing sucks, paperwork sucks, us dept of homeland security sucks.
22. Waifon | July 14th, 2006 at 8:24 pm
I must at least have a book with me all the time so I read my book at Starbucks. Well, I think you can ask the staffs if u r allowed to bring the unpaid books to starbucks. Haijo… buy a machiatto and sit at one of their sofas and read. They have great music btw..and yeah..USD to RM? Tak paham.
23. MichelleSY | July 14th, 2006 at 10:35 pm
A little alone-time (I was about to say me-time, but that sounds a trifle Oprah-ish, does it not? :) can be a good thing.
And books? They’re the stuff of life – as if you couldn’t tell I was a bookworm huh?
As for ice-cream – ahhhhh!! Need I say more? :)
Whatever it takes to make you feel better and bring a smile to your face. Hopefully this spell of dejectedness passes soon.
Hugs,
MichelleSY
24. tze | July 15th, 2006 at 3:02 am
why wanna stop college? oh most of the time i stuff my shopping bags into the biggest shopping bags. don’t you do that o mighty shopping queen?
25. Adrian C | July 15th, 2006 at 12:21 pm
Hey, keep your chin up Pinkpau. Life’s short, just enjoy the journey.
26. steph | July 16th, 2006 at 6:26 pm
said flamboyant male assistant at blook is the bomb. went to him for formal advice back in yr 11.
if you shisha, d’haven in telawi is a pretty good place to chill as well. bring a friend, share a couple of drinks.. but then again, you wanted to be alone, so i guess that wouldnt work.
did you check out shoes, shoes, shoes during ur little rendezvous?retail therapy does work wonders at times.
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