This Post Is About You

the earliest unfuzzy memory i have of you is when i texted you in Bali. you were still that light blue colour then - so detached, so far away, not really a part of my world. but Coffee Bean brought us together .. healthy fruit tea and decadent ice blended belgian chocolate and little plastic cups of water. you and your iPod, me in my denim skirt.

i cant remember anything that we talked about that day. how the hell we arrived at the topic of horror movies, i dont really know either. “have you watched The Eye? it’s pretty good,” you say, and i say “no i havent but i really gotta one day, one of my best friends loves that show” .. and before i know it we are at your place with the dvd of The Eye, but not before i giggle at your leopard-print mask. it’s cute, but serves no ultimate purpose. i mean, you smoke anyway.

watching The Eye was very awkward, did i ever tell you that? i think part of the fun of watching horror movies is having someone to grab, whose shoulder you can hide your face in. but i didnt want to invade your space.. or give you the wrong idea for that matter, especially since we barely knew each other. but i wanted to, though. sorta. it’s strange how far we’ve come from that. i know the smell of your bed now, i know the grooves of your shoulders and this time around i wouldnt be hesistant about pressing my face into them during horror movies.

there was this one afternoon, you were sitting on the bed and i was lying under the covers, and you were feeding me ice cream from the pint with a metal spoon. i looked up at you as the icecream touched my tongue, and i couldnt help but think how the simplicity of the whole situation was beautiful. it was like a scene out of a movie. and i wanted so badly to tell you how perfect it all was, but of course restraint was necessary at that point in time. i guess it’s still quite hard to break out of that self-imposed mindset.

icecream on metal spoons is a very common combination, but the context is important. i think that was the turning point - it was the day i liked ice cream more than chocolate. from then on, i always wanted someone to feed me ice cream the way you did, but everyone keeps fucking it up. they dont do it right. they dont do it the way you do.

i look forward to our conversations, in a wistful and sometimes sadistic way. there’s a lot i want to say to you, and a lot i want to hear from you. i dont know if i’ll ever get to say what i want to say .. but perhaps i’ll keep my promise about that time capsule thing 20 years from now :) i’ll trap 2006 in an envelope and i’ll mail it to you. maybe even DHL it, if i’ve gotten the hang of it by then, hehe.

i dont really know where we’re headed. but that’s fine. where we are right now is fine - for the moment, this is where we belong. this place in between two lines and two boxes.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

Comments July 18th, 2006