Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking

i’ve just come back from a little weekend getaway. it was nice, lovely. very pigeonhole-like. would love to say it was one of those escapist getaways but it wasnt. i wish there was some way i could rid myself of my mind, or like, sort of just switch it off whenever situations call for a no-thinking disposition. but that’s not gonna happen anytime soon. cos i’m evolving into a cautious person, one who is always alert for the slightest sign. a sign that says, okay, this is when you stop. this is when you leave.

even in my sleep i’m not safe from this.

(btw, kenny, saw you at the airport. hehe)

i think the most defining moment of this little vacation was this part where my mood just plummeted, and i didnt feel like doing anything or saying anything. i just stood at the edge of the water and allowed myself to be consumed by the darkness of the sea and the sky that sort of merges into one big black expanse if you stare long and hard enough. the horizon disappears when you try hard to distinguish it. the nothingness swallows you if you let it.

of course, that wasnt my favourite moment of the weekend. i think it was the worst. and it spoilt the weekend. i’m so upset about it.

on a lighter note, we went to this fortune teller person who read my palm and my face. his biggest advice for me, besides that i shouldnt commit to any relationship before the age of 26, is that i should forever live a life of alkalic foods. apparently right now i turn blue litmus papers a bright red colour, and that’s not good.

the weekend passed by too quickly. i’ve got a slight panicked feeling, a stronger hurt feeling, and an underlying blissful feeling.

Comments July 24th, 2006

Anything That I Dont Know

someone once said to me that the best part of a relationship is the part before the couple officially gets together. that’s when both individuals know that they have feelings for the other person, but are just slightly unsure about how the person feels. every little touch means a lot, every date is a bundle of nerves and there’s this happy, glowy feeling when you get a text from the other person out of the blue.

but the best part of a relationship, for me, are the moments when you learn new things about your partner. i’ve come to realize how much i love cuddling on the couch, and whispering to him all sorts of questions .. like, how did you get this scar? and how old were you when you first had sex? and what are you most afraid of? .. and it’s just so much fun to hear all the answers .. i got this scar while playing ice hockey, i was 19, i’m afraid of being alone.

quiet nights when you’re both just lying in bed and he’s unraveling stories about his life before you came into it, lazy afternoons when he’s showing you pictures from his childhood, long car rides when he’s telling you all about his exgirlfriends - these are the best moments in a relationship. so honest and open and unbarred. and when you’re in a relationship where for whatever weird reason you feel that you cant entirely let yourself go, it is times like this that are important - you can forget about all those consequences, and just immerse yourself in the moment and the knowledge.

when i’m in love with someone, i want to know all the little things about him .. the quirks, the history, the side of him that he shows to noone else. i want those honest, naked moments. and if i cant have such moments with him.. if he cant share his life with me, wont open up to me .. i wouldnt be able to accept it at all. i cant love you if i dont know you.

——-

hey, tell me something about you, anything that i dont know…

“i’m really jealous of my brother”

“i’ve always wanted to be a fighter pilot”

“i loved you from the moment i opened that door and saw you”

“i sleep with a little pink pillow at night”

“batman is my hero”

“i find self portraits the hardest thing”

Comments July 24th, 2006