A Stolen Day
August 17th, 2006
i am feeling slightly weirded out. a little bit wistful, a little bit blissful. it’s a strange sensation - right now i want nothing more than to just curl up in bed under heavy blue winter duvets or happy orangey-red summer covers. there’s so much i want to say. the words would come easily. but sometimes i just think that there’s always a better time to say them, a more perfect time.
but when that time never comes, i feel a sense of relief. like, thank goodness i hadnt said what i wanted to say, look how things ended up anyway. yet there’s always this persistent little suspicion that tugs on the ends of my hair, nagging me - whispering nasty taunts like how maybe saying what i had to say would have saved the situation. and how it’s too late now. always too late.
these taunts make me cry. they always make me ask What If? but i dont have the answers. i’m only human. i’m also curious. i think that if i had a crystal ball that would show me the futures of alternate paths, of roads not taken - i wouldnt mind not having lived those futures. i’d be content just seeing and knowing.
there are a lot of things that i want. i want this to be serious but i predict it’s not going to be possible. maybe this is another one of those self-fullfilling prophesies. maybe if i shut up and stopped saying things like that, this could be serious. but i’m not sure of my footing. this is like a strange dance and we are playing by ear.
anyway i guess most of you have figured out by now that i’m in a long distance relationship. it sucks, kinda. i’ve never been an LDR-type person. i need touches, i need hugs. i need kisses that give way to the very cute enquiry of, “why? love me izzit?”, which in turn gives way to the answer of “maaaaaaaybe”…
i am lying on red bedsheets under which there is a hidden electric blanket, for the winter. i am staring at curtains the colour of lemon cheesecake, and in the bathroom there is an orange toothbrush .. as well as a lot of haircare products, because the boyfriend is very vain. right now i’m using his laptop which is a Fujitsu Lifebook, and the reason i’m taking this time to blog is because he’s working and not at home to complain that i’m neglecting him for the internet. (not that i do that) to my left are cards i DHLed him for his birthday. to my immediate right is a blue box in which reside the lonely and the ostracized.
in the living room are some flowers i bought at Gage Street. twice i almost dropped the vase - once because i tripped over a step on the travelator, and another one more time when i was searching for my mobile. i also left the vase of flowers on the instant noodle counter at 7-11 for a full 10 minutes before i remembered to run back and get it. poor vase. there there. you will be safe in the Martian’s place. i leave tomorrow, and will no longer terrorize you or abandon you in overly-bright convenience stores where Pocky and Vitasoy are the only things worth spending time with.
i dont really know what to say. the panicked feeling is gone, but in its place now is a very empty kind of despondency.
Entry Filed under: Martianisms, Musings
18 Comments Add your own
1. prawn | August 17th, 2006 at 4:37 pm
Long distance relationship can be hard. Some just don’t believe in it but I have friends who are in their 3rd or 4th year of LDR. I envy then so much. Take it as a new experience for yourself Pinkpau =)
2. ront | August 17th, 2006 at 5:01 pm
winter? where are you? Au?nz? SA?
LDR….hmmm…..why ppl like to do it so much…..4th year?? heh……i tolerated for 7……man, it wasnt easy.
3. Waifon | August 17th, 2006 at 8:39 pm
You’re in HK!!! Awww, pinks… well, just enjoy every last moment befpre you guys are seperated by the oceans and uhh… internet again. There’s always Skype right? This situation is so SuetBarry man. Poor you but you’re strong okayyy. Now cheer up already. You’re in HK!
4. reallybites | August 17th, 2006 at 9:10 pm
tomr?? eh i tot u told me ur coming back on satt!
5. MichelleSY | August 17th, 2006 at 10:21 pm
Sometimes, somewhere, somehow, that someone walks into your life out of nowhere. And when he walks away, he leaves you changed, for better or worse.
I know you want this to be for real, to last for whatever amount of time it was meant to exist, but you also say you don’t think it possible.
But when you find that someone, who fits into your life, and provides the missing pieces, and makes you feel whole, it explains the emptiness that you feel. Right now and for every moment that he is not with you and you wish he could be.
And that emptiness is filled by your despondency and sometimes, frustration, and maybe even anger. All I can say is, I hope you got what you wanted to get out of this trip and to wish you the very best for the future.
Hugs,
MichelleSY
6. tze | August 18th, 2006 at 12:41 am
this is really very sad. why you never tell me mars is hong kong! =( i wanna dig up more info from u ok!
7. Adrian C | August 18th, 2006 at 2:08 am
LDRs are tough. As a fellow Saturnian, I need touches, hugs and kisses too. Let’s meet on Earth … I’ll be your proverbial tree. :)
8. Calypso | August 18th, 2006 at 3:21 am
Welcome to the club!
9. lishun | August 18th, 2006 at 8:37 am
hey.
*hug*
10. Gin | August 18th, 2006 at 8:51 am
aicks… eat more pocky ;p pocky is good..
and get me pocky too.. HEHEHEHHEEE
11. Az1 | August 18th, 2006 at 9:50 am
Wow….
12. Kevin | August 18th, 2006 at 10:28 am
Hoho I suspected something..turns out you were really lying to me all this while! Say no bf..chehh =P, me no small kid ok hahah
And don’t worryla…HK is 3 hrs flight? come on..mine’s..lets just say more than 30 hrs hahah and she’s not even my gf =P
Ohh yeaa talking bout ldr….at least you’re not Jess hahaha
13. Kyels | August 18th, 2006 at 3:32 pm
LDR is never easy but as long as both partners are willing to compromise and to give and take; the relationship will work fine. I have to admit though that it takes a lot of effort to make it work because it’s definitely more different than all the other relationships.
However, if the values are there, the relationship will definitely work out nicely and smoothly. After all, it takes two to tango.
(:
14. pinkpau | August 18th, 2006 at 11:02 pm
prawn : to be truthful i’m one of those who never believed in LDR and would avoid it whenever possible. i’m still a little unbelieving that i’m in one right now.
ront : 7 yrs?!?! omg @_@ you are so tahan lasak
waifon : hahaha SuetBarry .. :D we should turn this into a wikipedia term! anyway my ldr not as difficult as theirs. i feel for suet =(
reallybites : change of plans .. :D when are we meeting up!
michellesy : why are we talking about him walking away! =(
tze : feel free to!
adrian c : haih tell me about it. :( *hugs proverbial earthling tree
calypso : siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh!
lishun : *HUG* =(
gin : hehe pocky = the best.
az1 : is this an awed wow or a surprised wow?
kevin : eh this is very recent only ok. dont simply accuse me of lying =( yeah 3hrs isnt that far away. and ya thank god i’m not jess :P kesian my boyf if i were.
kyels : compromise .. haha that’s soooo the word of the moment. we still have to work out a few kinks here and there but i think when thats done we should be fine :)
15. Kyels | August 19th, 2006 at 9:27 am
You will be fine babe! You will be.
(:
16. MichelleSY | August 19th, 2006 at 10:12 pm
Sorreeee - no more walking away for das Martian, feet planted on the ground, right next to the pretty Pink earthling he has chosen to spend his time on Mars with :D
17. ron | August 20th, 2006 at 2:14 am
tahan lasak?? dont think that was mengcukupi… is that correct imbuhan or not…anyway….i caved also in the end…
18. Az1 | August 21st, 2006 at 6:38 pm
That was just a Wow type of Wow. Very similar to “fuuuyoooo!!!”
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