Rain
August 25th, 2006
during the massive downpour that KL experienced yesterday evening, i was one of the many angry and irritated leg-shaking, finger-tapping people stuck in the Jalan Ampang traffic jam.
my cabbie was pissed off too and i felt very apologetic about it, like i was responsible for his angst. the moment i got into his cab, my mom called me and warned me not to go out cos traffic everywhere was really bad due to the rain. wet from the rain and impatient from the cold, i chose not to heed her advice. ‘KLCC very near only lah,’ was my dismissive reply. and so as i sat in the unmoving congregation of vibrating cars with windscreen-wipers furiously at work, i felt regretful. why are mothers always right?
as a result of my stubborn disobedience, i was severely late for dinner. my date was late too but not as late as i was. today the same thing has happened, but of a slightly higher degree – because of the rain once again, i am not only going to be late for my dinner date tonight, i predict i am going to be so late that by the time i get there, i will have to leave. so i am now sitting here in Delicious at Bangsar Village wondering what i’m going to do for the next couple of hours. thank God for wireless internet and banoffee pie.
speaking of God. one of the waiters at Delicious sat down to talk to me earlier, and we find out that one thing we have in common is our religion and our mutual dislike for the modern church establishment. it seems that nowadays holier-than-thou christians are sprouting like mushrooms – the average person would admit to having encountered at least one or two or ten of them in his or her lifetime.
in my conversation with Waiter, i tell him how disappointed i am with myself when it comes to my failed attempts in trying to blend in with the church community. it never works and it never happens. i must admit that this is partially due to the fact that i give up upon first sight of any reason why i should. suddenly all the memories of tumultous and bitter friday afternoons at CF (christian fellowship) come rushing back, as do those of TMLC days.
my tete-a-tete with Waiter has long ended, but i am now in possession of a note from him. it is written on a piece of paper from Delicious’ order notepad, and it tells me not to lose focus of Jesus despite the odds. this is a piece of advice that i hear a lot, but never loses its meaning each time.
the fucking rain has still not fucking stopped. even the infamous crows of Lucky Garden are nowhere in sight. where i am seated now – at this wooden square table in front of the cake display – i can see a lot, but i am very far away from the rain. yesterday in the cab, i was very close to it. i could trace the paths of the raindrops on the cab windows until they died into the rubber lining. i could press my cheek to the windows, feeling the cool of the rain even if i could not feel their wetness. but right now and right here, sheltered in this homey cafe, i am detached from the rain. we are not in close proximity, and because of that, it has lost its romance. i dont feel for it today the same way i do when i know it is close to me. you know what i mean?
rain is so fleeting. i would like to ask it a lot of questions. like why do you fall? and why do you fall on me? and why such big downpours? cant we go back to the drizzles?
i asked the rain once why it fell it on me. the answer i got was that because it just does, and it couldnt put into words why it did. that answer is just as good as none, i thought in annoyance. see, if i were the rain and i chose to fall on someone, i would be able to give a hundred and one reasons as to why i picked that person to fall on. but then the more i think about it, the more i think those reasons would be answering another question altogether, and not the question at hand. perhaps the rain is right in its deficient answer.
may i just say that the caesar salad in Delicious is not very good? isa, i miss you and our Delicious day. hehe. you owe me banoffee pie. i dont know why but you just do.
19 Comments Add your own
1. chris | August 25th, 2006 at 7:00 pm
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
-
“Why Does It Always Rain On Me?” by Travis
2. alvin | August 25th, 2006 at 9:32 pm
I think the rain always fall on you because God thinks you badly need to take a shower.
Gee, pau, the smell is just too much.
:_ _ _ D
3. stellaboo | August 25th, 2006 at 10:16 pm
i feel the same way, what you said about the modern church establishment. unfortunately its probably no modern, this sort of thing goes way back.
if you havent already you should read william blake’s songs ofinnocence/experience. might find that you agree with his “attacks” on the church yet not the relationship between God :)
4. foreverjas | August 25th, 2006 at 11:04 pm
congrats! you’re in r.a.g.e.! nice photo =)
5. entwined | August 25th, 2006 at 11:24 pm
i enjoy your (semi)melancholic, introspective posts very much! :) This is another nice entry.
6. pinkpau | August 26th, 2006 at 12:45 am
chris : hahaha that song has special meaning for me.. and it will for another month or so.
alvin : MEANIE! u think u smell very nice izzit! huh =( dont want ur peanut butter cups anymore. u send it to me i will send it right back to u
stellaboo : will do! :) haha this william blake guy sounds very martin luther.
foreverjas : omg! everytime rage features me i NEVER get to see it wan. pleeeeeeeease tell me you somehow still have the article! plsplspslpslspls!
entwined : glad u liked it :)
7. Waifon | August 26th, 2006 at 1:41 am
huh? R.AGE? the Star’s? I’ve never seen the paper anywhere before… I though it’s only online? and oh, the rain is really bad. I got stranded in KL too :(
8. Kyels | August 26th, 2006 at 9:27 am
I love how to wrote about the rain. Great insight … (:
9. TheRealAnonymous | August 26th, 2006 at 11:34 am
Heavy downpours are annoying. They’re noisy, always tick off my lightning arrestor, astro will have no reception, you can’t go anywhere without getting your feet soaking wet no matter how big ur umbrella is, and if u’re on the road, its harder to see, u can’t drive fast and u’ll have to concentrate harder. Not to mention u’ll have to tweak the radio louder just so u can hear the music.
Slow drizzles are romantic… and they always make me feel comfy. Kinda makes me wanna pop a good movie into the DVD player and hug somebody while watching it. =Þ
10. foreverjas | August 26th, 2006 at 11:56 am
err… i’m not sure i stil get it or not.
11. pinkpau | August 26th, 2006 at 12:13 pm
waifon : haha no! r.age doesnt have an online version of their printed section – they only have a blog. their paper is distributed in certain colleges/unis. ya stupid rain =(
kyels : hehe u wanna try giving me an answer on behalf of the rain?
therealanonymous : u should be thankful about ur astro non-reception :P my neighbours’ astro satellites were actually uprooted by the wind and crashed down 13, 14, 15 floors .. :P so no Astro for like a week. knowing efficiency of Astro people, that prolly means two weeks.
foreverjas : aiya =( i miss myself in print again.
12. joshua | August 26th, 2006 at 2:46 pm
No church is perfect. But God is :) He blends in well with everyone that believes in Him.
So don’t worry.
13. Adrian C | August 26th, 2006 at 5:03 pm
Jesus has His plan … don’t get disillusioned. There are many things His church can do if only people like you speak up more :).
14. TheRealAnonymous | August 27th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
Wow… flying-Astro-saucer spotted at PinkPau’s apartment!! Hope that didn’t hurt anybody. So I guess your neighbour would probably bum at ur place to watch astro… that, or they probably REDISCOVERED missing treasures like RTM, TV3, NTV7…. haha…
15. isa | August 27th, 2006 at 8:16 pm
banoffee pies a coming pinkpau.
lets go, soon.
i wanna meet the waiter who knows jesus =)
16. pinkpau | August 27th, 2006 at 10:36 pm
waifon : hey do u REALLY have a copy of the r.age article that nazrul and i were out in?
joshua : those are very comforting words :) thank you
adrian c : hehe i think i speak up too much as it is. in church and in other places.
the real anonymous : i quite pity them ok! they are a very wah lai toi family .. prolly gonna die without their nightly dose of tvb dramas :P
isa : haha u do know him .. :) it’s the same guy.
17. clem | August 28th, 2006 at 9:54 pm
probably quite unrelated to this entry, but do you bring your laptop everywhere? I’ve never actually found the perfect opportunity to utilise mine in WiFi-enabled places, to surf the net, check e-mails etc, least of all to blog. :p
18. pinkpau | August 29th, 2006 at 3:34 pm
clem : no i dont.. hehe only bring it around when i need to!
19. MichelleSY | September 1st, 2006 at 12:18 am
NOOOO – the comment box ate my comments *sniff sniff*
I’ll never be able to get it back again, never! *pouts*
OK.
Now I’ve regained control over my five-year-old self, may I just say: insightful, observant, touching and sweet without being mawkish, as always.
Have been on a bit of an Internet starvation diet lately due to the pesky lil things known as uni and assignments. But it’s nice too be back and even better to read something of yours :)
Cheers,
MichelleSY
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