Rain
August 25th, 2006
during the massive downpour that KL experienced yesterday evening, i was one of the many angry and irritated leg-shaking, finger-tapping people stuck in the Jalan Ampang traffic jam.
my cabbie was pissed off too and i felt very apologetic about it, like i was responsible for his angst. the moment i got into his cab, my mom called me and warned me not to go out cos traffic everywhere was really bad due to the rain. wet from the rain and impatient from the cold, i chose not to heed her advice. ‘KLCC very near only lah,’ was my dismissive reply. and so as i sat in the unmoving congregation of vibrating cars with windscreen-wipers furiously at work, i felt regretful. why are mothers always right?
as a result of my stubborn disobedience, i was severely late for dinner. my date was late too but not as late as i was. today the same thing has happened, but of a slightly higher degree - because of the rain once again, i am not only going to be late for my dinner date tonight, i predict i am going to be so late that by the time i get there, i will have to leave. so i am now sitting here in Delicious at Bangsar Village wondering what i’m going to do for the next couple of hours. thank God for wireless internet and banoffee pie.
speaking of God. one of the waiters at Delicious sat down to talk to me earlier, and we find out that one thing we have in common is our religion and our mutual dislike for the modern church establishment. it seems that nowadays holier-than-thou christians are sprouting like mushrooms - the average person would admit to having encountered at least one or two or ten of them in his or her lifetime.
in my conversation with Waiter, i tell him how disappointed i am with myself when it comes to my failed attempts in trying to blend in with the church community. it never works and it never happens. i must admit that this is partially due to the fact that i give up upon first sight of any reason why i should. suddenly all the memories of tumultous and bitter friday afternoons at CF (christian fellowship) come rushing back, as do those of TMLC days.
my tete-a-tete with Waiter has long ended, but i am now in possession of a note from him. it is written on a piece of paper from Delicious’ order notepad, and it tells me not to lose focus of Jesus despite the odds. this is a piece of advice that i hear a lot, but never loses its meaning each time.
the fucking rain has still not fucking stopped. even the infamous crows of Lucky Garden are nowhere in sight. where i am seated now - at this wooden square table in front of the cake display - i can see a lot, but i am very far away from the rain. yesterday in the cab, i was very close to it. i could trace the paths of the raindrops on the cab windows until they died into the rubber lining. i could press my cheek to the windows, feeling the cool of the rain even if i could not feel their wetness. but right now and right here, sheltered in this homey cafe, i am detached from the rain. we are not in close proximity, and because of that, it has lost its romance. i dont feel for it today the same way i do when i know it is close to me. you know what i mean?
rain is so fleeting. i would like to ask it a lot of questions. like why do you fall? and why do you fall on me? and why such big downpours? cant we go back to the drizzles?
i asked the rain once why it fell it on me. the answer i got was that because it just does, and it couldnt put into words why it did. that answer is just as good as none, i thought in annoyance. see, if i were the rain and i chose to fall on someone, i would be able to give a hundred and one reasons as to why i picked that person to fall on. but then the more i think about it, the more i think those reasons would be answering another question altogether, and not the question at hand. perhaps the rain is right in its deficient answer.
may i just say that the caesar salad in Delicious is not very good? isa, i miss you and our Delicious day. hehe. you owe me banoffee pie. i dont know why but you just do.
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