let’s play a game!
ask for my top 3 anything, and i will answer as honestly as i can.
but first, i reserve the right to ignore top 3 questions from lame anonymous people who dare to ask big questions but dont dare leave an identity -_- (except for TheRealAnonymous, cos he’s nice!)
and please put this up on your blogs as well, so i can go ask you a top 3 question too, hehe!
Comments August 23rd, 2006
the bells on my flipflops tinkle with each step i take through the quiet bookshop. the smell of aromatherapy incense clouds my head and leaves me feeling drunk. i remember the afternoon before - small talk over oysters ‘n lemon slices, laughs over shrimp risotto, careful insinuations over iced coffee. i’ve not been well since. and i still have yet to get over this need to crawl into a small space.
i had a weird dream last night. there was USD 1000 involved, guilty faces and racism. the dream before that was about you. i cant remember what exactly it was about, it’s all so hazy now, but i do remember waking up with a start and thinking how it is absolutely important that i tell you about this dream. all about it.
“er, we’ll catch up later,” i said to her nervously. a look of realization comes across her face. wrong realization, lady.
today we were playing the “deepest secrets” game, where you anonymously write your secrets on a slip of paper and put it in the box, and each person picks one out at random, reads it, and attempts to guess whose secret it is. there was this one slip of paper that said, i always feel unhappy and alone. i thought it was infinitely sad in its brevity and its secrecy, compared to stupid tall tales of how people were caught having sex or farting in a room full of people and blaming it on another. but when it was read out, people were very dismissive because it wasnt a funny secret. i stood there behind the box, thinking, but secrets arent meant to be funny.
the sounds of the bells on my flipflops feels like an underlying element to the reality of the past 10 minutes. this place is too quiet and i feel like i am intruding. turqoise skirts and noisy slippers dont belong here. i step out of the bookstore feeling slightly choked.
Comments August 21st, 2006
i’m baaaaaaack on Earth!!! have my fellow earthlings missed me?! :D i’ve missed home like crazy - being in Sri Lanka for a week and then in Mars for another has taken a serious toll on me.
i’ve got some pics from my 4th day in Mars - but Days 5, 6, 7 and 8 have to be unchronicled cos we didnt take any pictures :( that makes me sad.
in some office building’s outdoor fountain
this pic was taken before the two guys in the background hurriedly got up and ran off, hehe
dancing on tram-tracks
stoning in trams
Mars has Earth food in boxes … :D
and so ends a wonderful week with the Martian. i start school again in 3 days and i am not looking forward to it. i’ve got a sudden urge to pull a Sern-Li and run off to Taiwan or China to go learn Chinese or something. feeling so restless. wanna. do. SOMETHING!
on the way to the airport, Martian passed me a note he wrote for me in green ink on his office stationery. it says on the front - “to be opened at 3pm and not 4pm on the 18/8!” but i couldnt wait, and opened it at 2.50pm on the plane. i read the note four times, and then i started giggling cos the contents of the note were just so CUTE. the man next to me looked very irritated at my giggling - but i know he misses somebody too, from the way he hugged a pillow to sleep during the flight. i tried to send him a telepathic message - i cant help it, mister, i’m in love.. - but he fell asleep before i could.
upon closer inspection of the note in green ink, i found that it was stapled first, then the staple removed, then finally sealed with a bit of tape. before i could stop myself, i was laughing again, waking Pillowhugging Man from his sleep. he grunted in annoyance but this time i caught his eye and apologized. i told him who the note was from and he seemed to understand.
thank you, Pillowhugging Man, for putting up with my giggling during the flight. and thank you for being my comrade against bitchy air stewardesses with badly-applied makeup and too much hairgel. but most of all, thank you for your silent approval of my relationship with the Martian. when i am feeling hopeless, this is the moment in time that i will revisit and look back on, and in it i will find the hope and the answers that i need.
Comments August 19th, 2006
i am feeling slightly weirded out. a little bit wistful, a little bit blissful. it’s a strange sensation - right now i want nothing more than to just curl up in bed under heavy blue winter duvets or happy orangey-red summer covers. there’s so much i want to say. the words would come easily. but sometimes i just think that there’s always a better time to say them, a more perfect time.
but when that time never comes, i feel a sense of relief. like, thank goodness i hadnt said what i wanted to say, look how things ended up anyway. yet there’s always this persistent little suspicion that tugs on the ends of my hair, nagging me - whispering nasty taunts like how maybe saying what i had to say would have saved the situation. and how it’s too late now. always too late.
these taunts make me cry. they always make me ask What If? but i dont have the answers. i’m only human. i’m also curious. i think that if i had a crystal ball that would show me the futures of alternate paths, of roads not taken - i wouldnt mind not having lived those futures. i’d be content just seeing and knowing.
there are a lot of things that i want. i want this to be serious but i predict it’s not going to be possible. maybe this is another one of those self-fullfilling prophesies. maybe if i shut up and stopped saying things like that, this could be serious. but i’m not sure of my footing. this is like a strange dance and we are playing by ear.
anyway i guess most of you have figured out by now that i’m in a long distance relationship. it sucks, kinda. i’ve never been an LDR-type person. i need touches, i need hugs. i need kisses that give way to the very cute enquiry of, “why? love me izzit?”, which in turn gives way to the answer of “maaaaaaaybe”…
i am lying on red bedsheets under which there is a hidden electric blanket, for the winter. i am staring at curtains the colour of lemon cheesecake, and in the bathroom there is an orange toothbrush .. as well as a lot of haircare products, because the boyfriend is very vain. right now i’m using his laptop which is a Fujitsu Lifebook, and the reason i’m taking this time to blog is because he’s working and not at home to complain that i’m neglecting him for the internet. (not that i do that) to my left are cards i DHLed him for his birthday. to my immediate right is a blue box in which reside the lonely and the ostracized.
in the living room are some flowers i bought at Gage Street. twice i almost dropped the vase - once because i tripped over a step on the travelator, and another one more time when i was searching for my mobile. i also left the vase of flowers on the instant noodle counter at 7-11 for a full 10 minutes before i remembered to run back and get it. poor vase. there there. you will be safe in the Martian’s place. i leave tomorrow, and will no longer terrorize you or abandon you in overly-bright convenience stores where Pocky and Vitasoy are the only things worth spending time with.
i dont really know what to say. the panicked feeling is gone, but in its place now is a very empty kind of despondency.
Comments August 17th, 2006
i sit on the plush red sofa, simply waiting. i’d just filled out a little slip of paper, deliberately leaving out some fields, fields that i couldnt have filled in anyway even if i wanted to. this couch is comfortable. i’m feeling fidgety and i want to giggle because this is a very funny situation i’m in. i should sit still but i’m afraid that if i do, i’ll burst out laughing. so i try to read this book i’d just bought. but the words dont make sense and i have to read the sentences over and over again. i vaguely wonder, with a slight bemusement, if this is how my best friend felt all those months ago. i’m guessing not.
they call my name and i am brought to meet an old man. his utterance of realization betrayed a slight surprise but he quickly covered it up. he fires a series of questions at me and i answer all of them with a No. he seems pleased. i wait for some advice but he doesnt give me any. this is a very objective guy.
“can i keep that?” i ask the woman as she puts two orange bundles in my hands. upon hearing my question, she quickly crumples up the foil that held the bundles and vehemently shakes her head. “No no no, you cannot! cannot!” she says with much gusto. i cant help but laugh. i just want it for a keepsake. but i understand her reluctance.
i walk out of the room feeling very giggly. this is so funny. this is one of the little things that i will remember most about this new planet.
Comments August 17th, 2006
