So Much That I Want

i had my period twice this month in two consecutive weeks. so my body is one hell of a hormonal tsunami right now. it’s crazy. i’m having all these cravings and all these moodswings and, er, all these longings of having babies, hahaha. it’s like these days i ovulate on the spot everytime i see cute little kids.

right now, i just want to marry the most perfect guy on earth and have lots of beautiful kids with him.

i want to read bedtime stories to my kids. i want to listen to them breathe when they sleep, and i want to brush their hair out of their eyes. i want to trace my finger down their cheeks, i want to slip out of their bedroom and i want to go over to my husband and tell him how much i love him for being part of the birth of my children.

i want to wake up to my kids crawling into bed with us cos they had nightmares. i want to hold them to sleep. i want to turn on the lights for them as they go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. i want to press my face into their neck and smell their sweet child scent. i want to fight with my husband over whose features our kids got.

i want to make peanut butter sandwiches for my kids. i want to lay out their clothes for them. i want to have breakfast with them before they leave for school. i want to drive them to school. i want to listen to them argue with each other every morning. i want to watch them disappear into the school. i want to read their report cards and every comment that their teachers have to say about them. i want to pore over photos of them with my husband. i want to put up their crayon drawings on the refridgerator. i want to bake them cupcakes. i want to eat cupcakes that they made. i want to give them little nicknames.

i want to watch movies with them sitting in between my legs. i want to paint their toenails. i want to teach them the alphabet. i want to listen to them laugh, i want to kiss them. i want to smile at strangers who wave at my kids and give them the thumbs-up. i want to rush after them as they run down escalators. i want to bring them to the park in the evenings and sit on the swings with them. i want to put on shoes for them. i want to tickle them.

i want to just hold them and i want to love them. and kiss them.

omg. hormones hormones hormones. need to remind myself that i am only 17 and that kids are very, VERY far away…

36 comments September 4th, 2006