Walking In Rain
September 16th, 2006
this blanket i am wrapped in has a familiar scent. for a moment, i try to remember where i’ve encountered this smell, but realize that i cant. next to me are two mugs of water that have been chilled by the air conditioning – exactly the way i like it. our leftover lunch sits quietly on the floor. i swear to God it is brimming with tension – the edges of the plate are swirling like the heat on afternoon roads and the curve of the spoons seem almost accusatory. i stare hard at the smatterings of red sauce on the sides of the plate.
“i like you a lot,” he blurts out suddenly.
“why?” i ask sharply.
he looks very taken aback. “what do you mean, why?”
“why do you like me?”
slowly and carefully, he says, “when you like someone, there doesnt have to be a reason. if you can put your feelings into words, the truth of it is gone.”
i want to smack my forehead. if this was a scene in a movie, and i was an audience member, i would turn to the person on my right and say, “damn cliche, man. like no other line to use liddat!”. i remember when i was 15 and this explanation was so impressive to me. but now, i’ve heard this cop-out answer so many times i’m beginning to wonder if it’s from some famous movie i never watched or some famous book i never read.
“haha no. i refuse to accept that answer. if you like me, there has to be a reason. you cant like a person for no reason.”
there is a halt in time. he’s blushing so much that i feel a little bit regretful over my reaction. i’m about to open my mouth to say something, anything, when he says -
“because i can’t stop looking at you. everytime i look at you i feel so happy… everytime i look at you i feel like i want to make you happy. and your smile. it’s just so beautiful. and.. and when i send you an sms and you dont reply, i stare at my phone all day just waiting. and it’s how i love to listen to you talk, even when it’s not me you’re talking to. yeah. it’s things like that.”
he’s not looking at me anymore. i cant look at him either. i stare at the red sauce on the plate again.
shit. i dont think anyone has ever answered this question before when i ask. and now that someone has, i dont quite know what to say. quickly i run through all the options in my head. do i say, ‘really?’ or do i say, ‘dont bluff lah’. or do i wrap him up in a big hug? do i kiss him? do i say ‘you dont know what you’re talking about’? finally, i pick silence, cos i’m too chickenshit to do anything else.
and why does it have to be you, i wonder. why cant it be him? why cant it be him who gave me this answer?
“you’re the first girl to ever use this blanket,” he says softly while reaching out to touch the hem of the cloth. hurriedly i throw it back at him, apologising profusely. his eyes widen and he quickly bundles me back up in his blanket. “no no no, i want you to use it. please dont say sorry,” he says in alarm.
i fall into silence again.
he starts. “look. i want to be your -”
there is a loud rap on the door. his housemate wants something. i absolutely cannot believe the timeliness of the interruption. he heaves a sigh of frustration as he goes to open the door. i bury my face in my palms to stifle a groan. i just want this time to breathe, i dont even wanna think about what i have to say when he returns to complete his sentence.
fucking chocolate chip cookies.
Entry Filed under: Musings
30 Comments Add your own
1. reallybites | September 16th, 2006 at 1:45 am
since u sent me two songs tonight,im not goin to ask any kaypo questions hahaha. :P
2. Jay | September 16th, 2006 at 3:26 am
Walking in rain? okay..okay. I was hoping for something on how you love walking in the rain, letting the water run down the side of your face you use walk. You watch other run past you, trying to avoid the rain, like the plague, but you embrace it, it’s become apart of you. It’s something you want to experience forever, but you know is a matter of moments, the rain will end, the sun will come out. So you take you time, and enjoy the rain. *drop..drop..drop*
oh well.
3. TheRealAnonymous | September 16th, 2006 at 5:16 am
Leave the chocolate chip cookies alone lar…. they’re innocent !! hahaha… for nothing kena cucuk suddenly. haha…
The choices that we make, who makes us who we are.
Whether u make the right or the wrong choice… you’ll definitely learn something from it. Its a part of growing… u’re still very young, so take it easy and face life 1 day at a time. =)
4. Ginny | September 16th, 2006 at 5:42 am
hehehe.. pinkpau and her situations ;p
5. prawn | September 16th, 2006 at 6:36 am
Keke… potong steam la the housemates =P
6. Kevin | September 16th, 2006 at 8:11 am
Haiyar ah pau..kevin has been in this kinda situation also, let me teach you how to respond ok, as in I was the guy who said all those stuff la not a girl saying that to me..wahh that’ll be the day hahaa
And that room mate interruption thingy straight away reminds me of me and you know who long time ago haha..cant remember what interruption was it..but think it was her mom calling..then her maid then her sis and so on n on..grr
7. Jon | September 16th, 2006 at 8:32 am
What the —- ??
Isn’t there a housemate rule or something? Should’ve hanged a tie outside his door :P The symbol for DND ^_^
8. lishun | September 16th, 2006 at 9:23 am
or a scrunchie, ala one tree hill.
that was definitely a scene fitting a hit teen drama tv series. funny how life does reflect television. or should that be vice versa?
9. Waifon | September 16th, 2006 at 10:17 am
yes yes! like you, me and dupree! Hang a tie la adoi! Faster continue your story okay. I don’t know what to comment haha. Eh btw, that line is damn familiar kay. Love doesn’t need a reason, if I’m not mistaken came from Autumn in My Heart. A korean romance tv series. The ONLY korean movie I’ve ever followed religiously :D
P.S: It’s sad really, to know that those words didn’t come from someone whom you wish would say. It’s like, no no no! This is so wrong… things are supposed to be the other way round. i really need to run away now. Okalah…i dunno what im blabbering about but yeah… continue story!
10. joanne | September 16th, 2006 at 11:17 am
i felt like im reading a novel love book…pls continue ur story!!…….
11. natech | September 16th, 2006 at 12:23 pm
haha, good story, girl. Except I like mine ice-cold, air conditioning is not cold enough!
12. nyrac | September 16th, 2006 at 5:21 pm
nice post… what happened next? and i like the blanket part… reminds me of something sweet that happened in form three.. haha =)
13. Kevin Chan | September 16th, 2006 at 5:48 pm
Some things can be said to be known without rational justification. Guess you’ve read up on philosophers like Kant, Decartes, Locke, Hume, etc that have come up with interesting theories on how we can ‘know’ things, be it through rational thought and cognitive processes alone, ie rationalism; or through perception of sense data through our sensory faculties, ie empiricism.
But lets get back to the real world. Do we think that a powerful demon is decieving us when we watch the morning sunrise? Do you attempt to explain your existence through lines and lines of syllogisms? I highly doubt it.
In the real world, sometimes you just know when something is right. Corny as it may sound, we do at times listen to that tiny voice down there. Rational eh? Guess thats just the way we humans are. Blessed/Cursed with that little voice down there.
14. michelleg | September 17th, 2006 at 1:07 am
nice story!! is there part 2? haha..
15. kristof | September 17th, 2006 at 9:35 am
why do absurdly convenient stuff happen to you?
16. pinkpau | September 17th, 2006 at 2:55 pm
reallybites : like that also can!
jay : nope, sorry :P this walk in the rain was nothing like that.
therealanonymous : haha i have a compulsion. i always want to make the right choices.
ginny : hehe look who’s talking
prawn : a bit!
kevin : really, you want to teach me?? haha okay good good i’ll hit you up on msn and you better gimme a crash course
jon : wow i learnt something new..
li shun : learnt something new again! haha how come i dont know all this stuff???
waifon : that line is from a corean drama series????? HAHAHHAA. shit man you cannot be serious.
joanne : hehe i cant :P there are certain parties i have to watch out for.
natech : air conditioning is what people turn to when they’re too lazy to refill the ice tray .. :D
nyrac : what happened next? i laughed… haha
kevin chan : very well said, but in this context, i still believe wht he said is a cop out answer .. :D
michelleg : nope !
kristof : believe me, this one isnt convenient at all..
17. tze | September 17th, 2006 at 4:35 pm
i like this story.
18. Ginny | September 17th, 2006 at 4:59 pm
haha ;p at least mine is always abt the same person ;p
19. -archangel- | September 17th, 2006 at 5:15 pm
the great pinkpau speechless for once?
hahah =P
and err.. hi ginny !
you might not remember me, but i was the guy who picked your friend up and sent both of you back to your house when fugz’s car broke down =P
20. MichelleSY | September 17th, 2006 at 8:23 pm
Oh. Sweetie. I can only imagine the trauma *sweats*
Hope it works out for you (and him too, with feelings not too bruised)
21. Chen | September 17th, 2006 at 8:27 pm
shove the chocolate chip cookies up the housemate’s nostrils.
22. DLT2 | September 17th, 2006 at 9:17 pm
Choc chip cookies overdose aye? I suppose this is called “choc-alot” syndrome? Whatever it’s called xD
U need more Baskin Robbins cookies and cream my friend.
23. Waifon | September 17th, 2006 at 9:32 pm
really wannn… bluff you got no money hokayyy :D
24. malay guy | September 18th, 2006 at 12:50 am
im jelas now. you gotta boyfriend. come and be with me lor
25. TheRealAnonymous | September 18th, 2006 at 1:29 am
Thats the beauty of life… its subjective… its not as simple as answering an objective question in PMR… =Þ where u’re either right, or wrong.
The choices we make… tha path that we choose… defines who we are.
Its not easy to judge whether or not a choice is right or wrong, simply because we will not know what will happen if we made a different choice… it could’ve been worse maa… so always just be thankful of what you have achieved lor. It is what made you, you!
26. Kevin | September 18th, 2006 at 1:57 am
Seriously…when I think of the end result..still made me say wtf irl hahahah
27. pinkpau | September 18th, 2006 at 4:27 am
tze : i dont :(
ginny : hehe but it involves other people!
arch : haha WAH! you fetched ginny before?! the world terlampau small..
michellesy : we’ll soon see :(
chen : i was very grateful for the intrusion..
dlt2 : can never have enough of cookies and cream!
waifon : haha you have no idea how funny it is, what you just told me :P
malay guy : er this dude isnt my boyfriend..
therealanonymous : hehe wah philosophicalnya!
kevin : haha shaddup la, i didnt know what else to do ok
28. TheRealAnonymous | September 18th, 2006 at 8:09 am
If i was a couple minutes earlier… I would’ve bumped into ginny too on that day arch sent ginny back… too bad for me =( didn’t get to meet her… only get to hear about her thru fugz. haha.
29. theyung | September 21st, 2006 at 8:00 pm
“why”!?
wow talk about ganas man :|
haha i’m not in much of a position to judge but i think you should cut him some slack =D
cos that must have killed all the self-esteem and confidence that he had built to tell you that, >,
30. bodicea | September 26th, 2006 at 6:13 pm
You have my empathy. Really.
*hugs*
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