Wide-Eyed 3AM Thoughts
October 27th, 2006
when i was younger, i lived in a terrace house that was one of many similiar-looking houses in a quiet and comfy suburb. red shingled roofs, little puppies, kids on bicycles, neighbours leaning over the fence to chat … that was my childhood.
i used to get on my little orange bike, creatively dubbed McOrange, and cycle around the neighbourhood doing kiddy things. sometimes i would go on a hunt for flowers of different colours then mash them up and mix them with water to get natural ink. (i stopped doing this in 2nd grade when i learnt alamandas were poisonous and i couldnt find another yellow flower substitute for my flora-mashing endeavours.) other days i would cycle down the street to this kuih stall operated by a portly, pink-cheeked malay woman and her husband. they made the best curry puffs in the world. i used to buy 5 for a buck- then i’d have one, give my grandma one, give my housekeeper one, and give my dog two. even back then i knew my priorities.
one day when i was 10, my brother (on his red bike which remained nameless for the entire duration he had it, despite me wanting to christen it McRed) and i found this little grove a few streets away from our house. it didnt belong to anyone cos it was by the side of the river, but apparently some people had taken it upon themselves to turn it into a little haven. there was a swing set there, and a stone table complete with little stone stools. i remember then i’d just finished reading Frances Hodgson Burnett’s The Secret Garden… and i would go to this little grove by the river and pretend it was MY secret garden with MY swing set and MY stone table with stone stools. i spent many hours there after school, just reading books or looking for worms in the ground. but then when we got the PlayStation a year later, i abandoned my secret garden for Crash Bandicoot Warped. which was a bloody good game btw.
in that house, i had my own room but i never slept in it. i used to sleep in my parents’ room instead. yeah yeah i was one of those kids who slept in between their parents, thinking it was all very cutesy and happy clappy, and being completely oblivious to the fact that just maybe i wasnt always very welcome in their room. anyway i didnt like my own room very much, because when i looked out the windows, i could see into my neighbour’s room - and he was this weird Mat who would blast bad rock music after each argument with his mother, who would duly retaliate by banging pots and pans around in the kitchen. it wasnt the most pleasant auditory experience, so i would retreat to my parents’ room that was at the other end of the house and faced the street. i’d read my books there, then i’d fall asleep inadvertently, the way children sometimes do.
because my parents’ room looks out onto the street, each time a car passed by my house at night, its headlights would swim across the ceiling, forming a polygon of reflected light that slowly diminished as the car disappeared down the street.
it’s very surreal - just lying there and watching the sheets of light float over the ceiling and away.
10 years later, i am lying in bed 14 floors above the ground in a hotel in Hanoi, unable to sleep, watching those same patterns of light dance across the hotel room’s ceiling. vietnamese lights from vietnamese cars on vietnamese roads look exactly like malaysian lights from malaysian cars on malaysian roads. the boyfriend is fast asleep next to me, dreaming his martian dreams, that i will later find out were about me and my friends. i reach out to hold his hand, and at my touch he turns around and envelopes me in his strong arms before kissing my cheek.
just lying there and watching sheets of light float over the ceiling and away, it’s all still very surreal.
Entry Filed under: Musings
26 Comments Add your own
1. jimmy | October 27th, 2006 at 2:41 am
may the future have the best in store for you. hmm. tried my best to make it sound better. ah fark it . have a good one su ann :)
2. chioeves | October 27th, 2006 at 3:00 am
kiss your cheek for what la wei. i’m the one who is supposed to kiss your cheek lar…..
3. voonkiat | October 27th, 2006 at 6:39 am
Su Ann!!!!!!
i so totally missed your blog. been busy with work and party and drinking and work :p are u enjoying yourself in hanoi now? Anyways, hope you’re having an awesome time. take care. xx
4. ionStorm | October 27th, 2006 at 8:54 am
this blog post sounds surreal too… O.o
5. Kevin | October 27th, 2006 at 10:14 am
Heh, you reminded me when I was much younger when I was still sleeping in my parent’s room (I had my own bed =P and cause at that time 3 rooms wasn’t enough to fit 7 of us) and cause their room faced the main road as well and when I can’t sleep at night, I would also watch the lights from passing cars make out all the shapes and shadows on my parent’s room’s wall and watch it slowly fade away too
6. TheRealAnonymous | October 27th, 2006 at 1:20 pm
Wow.. I used to do that too back in the times when I sleep in my parent’s room… glaze at the lights on the ceiling as a car passes by! =Þ Still remember how its like… but vaguely.
7. sweat | October 27th, 2006 at 2:35 pm
it’s a good post, kembang kembangkan a bit and u have here a very good personal statement for US app.
not about car lights lah but..something like that.
8. Waifon | October 27th, 2006 at 3:14 pm
eh seems like everybody slept with their parents, in between not to mention, last time. I’m also one of them but no lights or whatever la cos i stay on some hill and the number of cars that drove past are countable on one hand per night. unlike now, mat rempits were once of non existence. think abt it, we were such bloody lamp post when we were young. next time must make sure got separate rooms for my kids so that my youth and fertility won’t go to waste.
btw, crash bandicoot warp damn cun! that Tasmanian Devil look- alike “thing” is so funny. maybe cos some of my games were pirated, i could only access two places. some river and hutan belantara escapade and some road u hv to follow to get to this door that will lead u to another phase. eh damn fun but my PS is like a mushroom and mould breeding ground now. abandoned :( tekken 3 and 4/ streetfighter rocks too :D:D:D
9. Sv | October 27th, 2006 at 5:45 pm
you should get an award for ur blog. i find ur blog real nice to read and nvr miss a post ever since i linked here frm eric wong’s blog… damn nice ler ur posts!
10. malay guy | October 27th, 2006 at 7:00 pm
i had a bird named pinky. she was so sweet. just like you. she had a muka manis. sweet chicky.
11. malay guy | October 27th, 2006 at 7:04 pm
yuck. you have a boyfriend. ewww. im out of here.
12. MichelleSY | October 27th, 2006 at 8:38 pm
It sounds so idyllic that childhood - you’re making my go all nostalgic now =)
13. pinkpau | October 27th, 2006 at 11:57 pm
jimmy: thank u .. :D much appreciated
chioeves : dont want.. i want my boyf :(
voonkiat : yea i had lots of fun :) im back from hanoi already tho! haha yalar all u ppl go to UK, for sure party like mad wan. i am soooo envious
ionstorm : really? how so?
kevin : aww maybe few years from now we can both be watching sri petaling cars on sri petaling roads in our respective houses, at the same time!
therealanonymous : yeah .. my recollection is vague as well. sigh! we’re losing our memories!
sweat : how cn this be a personal statement!
waifon : hehe easier said than done.. i bet our parents were thinking the same thing when they gave us our own rooms but look what’s happened! ooh yeah tekken. but nothing beats mortal kombat!!
sv : wow! really! haha thanks :D
malay guy : hehe. bye!
michellesy : nostalgia is a good thing .. :)
14. voonkiat | October 28th, 2006 at 12:19 am
partyingggg yeah.. tell u what, its our secret for having the most nobel prize winners. why envious. who ask u dun wanna come over here.
15. Kevin | October 28th, 2006 at 1:02 am
I thought ur not moving to sri petaling oledi wth, suddenly ur mom changed her mind again? hahaha
pls tell her sri petaling is the place to be..
16. nick au | October 28th, 2006 at 2:53 am
wonderful story. at least tells me that there’s still hope in love..
17. tzeching | October 28th, 2006 at 4:17 am
eee why malay guy so stupid wan! now hari raya got time to leave stupid comments some more wtf.
the way martian did that was so saccharine sweet that i feel like testing my boyfriend the same way. will get back to you on how that turns out.
18. TheRealAnonymous | October 28th, 2006 at 5:06 am
hahaha…. yeah, we’re losing our memories! =(
but thats only because we’re making loads of new ones… =)
And he best ones… will always be remembered.
19. pinkpau | October 28th, 2006 at 6:42 pm
voonkiat : huh! u think US cannot party ah!
kevin : haih donno whats going on also! sometimes say wanna move, sometimes say dont wanna.
nick au : that’s something i need to learn as well .. :)
tzeching : is eugin a light sleeper? martian is a super light sleeper. i wanna sneak away from bed to go online also he know -___-
therealanon : very true :)
20. Porcupine | October 28th, 2006 at 9:00 pm
you know, you could truly use your words to paint a good picture…
forget flower mashing, your blog has got to be the best canvas you ever painted on!
ok ok… puji too much… later SOMEONE kembang to no end…
oohhh, you still had to touch him to make him hug you?
I hug my girl all night long without fail… Jealous? hahaha…
oh yeah, I STILL fall asleep reading…
21. voonkiat | October 28th, 2006 at 10:29 pm
tsk tsk. everyday only know how to think of party party.. dun party so much la. must nerd a bit you know ;p ;p ;p
22. JL | October 29th, 2006 at 12:41 am
very well written post u got there. enjoyed reading it
23. stinkydudette | October 31st, 2006 at 1:08 am
crash bandicoot is the ultimate!! other than super mario, that is.
*winks*
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