Archive for October, 2006

Saturday In The Mountains

so yesterday, a bunch of us (26 to be exact) headed up to Jien’s place in Janda Baik to kick back and chill. if you have no clue where Janda Baik is, yeah well neither do i :P i just know it is somewhere on the way up to Genting, and that when you look around, all you see is this -

Janda Baik is a nice place, very serene and romantic. cooling and foggy too.. but nowadays you cant tell if it’s mountain mist or fucking disgusting haze from across the straits.

anyway let’s not beat around the bush. let me get to the point.

Comments October 15th, 2006

Where Is #25?

i nicked this off Jordan’s bulletin board on friendster. you’re supposed to just write whatever comes to your head when you see the questions. but i’m pretty sure Jordan cheated.

1. My ex is still:
into me

2. I am listening to:
cat power - i’ve been thinking

3. Maybe I should:
stop doing memes like this, and get my ass into the shower so that FOR ONCE i’ll actually be early for a movie…

4. I love:
the fact that when you think you really know, you are slapped in the face by the fact that you dont actually really know.

5. My best friend(s):
met Martian for the first time on my birthday

6. I don’t understand:
why boys dont understand girls. we’re so EASY to understand lah.

7. I lost:
my cool yesterday. why do people have to say inconsequential things when there are consequential things to be discussed? why do people have to be so egocentric? why do people try so hard? why do i never learn to be patient with people like them? huh? huh? huh?!

8. People say:
that The Departed (hollywood remake of the Infernal Affairs trilogy) is a good flick. omg cannot wait cannot wait…!!!

9. The meaning of my screen name is:
contrary to what the Malay Mail says, no, pinkpau is not a reference to my boobs. IT MEANS A PINK COLOURED BUN LAH, VERY DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND IZZIT

10. Love is:
a many splendoured thing! love lifts us up where we belong! all we need is love! please dont start that again.. all youuuu need is love!! a girl has got to eat! all you neeeed is love!! but she’ll end up on the street! all you need is looove-v-ev-e-v-eveee!

11. Somewhere, someone is:
waiting for me to turn up at mid valley. his name is ivan shin.

12. I will always:
remember how i tried to kiss my first crush in kindergarten after watching The Little Mermaid

13. Forever seems:
doable

14. I never ever want to:
accept boredom as part of my life

15. My cell phone :
has been dropped in a glass of water, the toilet, down 2 floors. and it has a picture of kevin and daryl as a wallpaper

16. When I wake up in the morning:
i dont actually wake up until 30 mins after that

17. I get annoyed when:
people dont like the cereal i like. wtf is wrong with you people??? capn crunch peanut butter crunch = THE BEST

18. Parties are:
good

19. My pet(s) is(are):
two brothers .. not neutered

20. Kisses are the best when:
they happen for the first time in the middle of bad movies on black sofas in living rooms in mont kiara.

21. Today I:
wore pink underwear from La Senza

22. Tomorrow I:
will probably wear the turquoise ones from Zara

23. I really want:
to camwhore with a camel in the sahara with an old married corean man

24. I want to ask:
every transexual i meet if they have watched Transamerica and what they thought about it

edit : did you know that after i blogged this, i went to my room to change so i could go meet ivan, but but but but… i fell asleep!!!!!!!! *_* so now we have to catch the 7pm movie instead of the 5pm, and postpone our dinner in the process. SORRY IVAN DONT HATE ME :( :( :( omg my lateness knows no bounds. and to top it all off, i’m going to be late for Isa’s bday thing at 8pm cos of this!

wtf and i’m still sitting here blogging. ok gotta go gotta go!

Comments October 13th, 2006

Being Blair

‘ugh.’

i squeeze my eyes shut and exhale slowly.

tears are escaping from the corners of my eyes. but these tears dont snake down my cheeks gracefully the way they do in movies - in real life, they just clump together wetly on my eyelashes. but when this happens, blinking feels nice. the world looks clearer and everything feels fresher. it’s a very convincing pseudo-sensation; i’m always fooled.

i lean forward and press my hands against the wall. the white tiles are cool to the touch, and it makes me feel so much better. without thinking, i press my cheek to the wall as well. the relief is instantaneous - i can almost visualize the heat from my body being sucked out to the surface of my skin, and then spreading like a thin layer over the first tile, then the four tiles surrounding that, and the four tiles surrounding those.. and so on until the entire wall is covered with a film of trapped heat, heat that used to be mine. and i can then peel myself away from the wall, my body now feeling cool and rejuvenated. revitalized. unsickly.

moving away from the wall, i sigh as i try to sort out my emotions. this happens so often but feels so new each time. i decide that today i’m feeling seven parts dissatisfaction and two parts regret. the last remaining part is dedicated to meaningful meditation on the subject of promises. i come to a realization that every time someone makes me promise them something that i am reluctant to do, i seal the promise but never really intend to keep it. i dont even try. which explains why i’m still in the current situation, doing what i am doing.

i catch sight of myself in the mirror. this is a ritual. i am pale and my eyeliner has run from the pool of tears that are still in my eyes. this is usual. i splash water on my face, and once again, visualize the heat from my face leaving me via the cold tap water. this feels good.

after what feels like too little time, i turn off the water and realize that there are no tissues in here. i exit and tiptoe around the rooms looking for tissue, but cant find any. slightly irritated, i increase my pace and look in places i wouldnt normally look. but still no tissue.

but as i exit the last room, i almost collide into a person. a woman, older than me but not by much. immediately, i snap into social mode. or more accurately, you’re-not-alone mode. or, you’re-being-judged mode.

i give her a big grin and ask her if she knows where the tissues are.

she looks at me shyly and blushes before she darts past me and grabs a box of tissues that are sitting on the desk in plain sight. for a moment i am flabbergasted - how could i not have seen those tissues? they were right under my nose!

i thank her, still smiling, as she passes me the box. she continues looking at me, blushing and fidgeting. all of a sudden she starts to giggle self-consciously, and she says to me, while avoiding my eyes -

“you’re very pretty. you’re very very pretty.”

as she finishes her sentence, my brain is already kicking into action the proper and most socially apt response. there is no leeway for faux surprise or speechlessness. i’m not even thinking or actively processing anything as i listen to myself laugh and thank her politely. it was like an out-of-body experience, or watching someone else responding to that compliment. in that brief exchange, i felt that my sense of self was not existent. that the talking, smiling, politely laughing me was really just a shell programmed to maximize all social situations with 100% efficiency, and nothing else.

after she left the room, i sat on the bed.

she thinks i’m pretty.

suddenly i feel foolish. i squeeze my eyes shut as i flop face down onto the bed. this time, the tears flow steadily down my cheeks. just like in the movies.

Comments October 12th, 2006

Turning 18

i so loved my 18th birthday! *skips around happily* it started out wonderfully with ice cream, hock chuan, a lifetime supply of L’occitane soap, and lots and LOTS of birthday phonecalls and texts. then when i came home, i found birthday emails and a birthday thread for me in the RBJ boards celebrating my new legal status! haha. it so rocks to be 18.

Comments October 10th, 2006

Project Puasa = FAILED

this sums up my weekend.

Friday -
chocolate ice cream, coconut ice cream at Quans
chocolate-dipped strawberries and marshmallows at my bday party
chocolate chip cookies from Famous Amos

Saturday -
chocolate hazelnut cake (orgasmic omg omg omg) at Frangipani

Sunday -
chocolate from Godiva
chocolate from Leonidas
chocolate chip cookies from Famous Amos

arhghghghgh

WHATEVER. I GIVE UP.

————–

y’know. in the year 1997, i wrote a poem for the Starchild section of the Star newpaper. it was titled ‘Hazy Days Are Here Again’ and was about the haze situation in Malaysia.

9 years later, we still have the same fucked up situation. and it gets worse each year. today i woke up and couldnt see a thing past my balcony.

thanks very much, totally irresponsible fucked up individuals who burn down trees. thanks.

Comments October 9th, 2006

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Pinkpau

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    Pinkpau is Su Ann. 19, Malaysia. Hostile when hungry. Sometimes a shapeshifter, always an optimist with a penchant for pessimism and shoe-shopping.
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    The point of the pinkness of this site is to annoy the crap out of you. Really. What made you think I was a nice person?
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