Sensory Overload
November 10th, 2006
the lock finally clicks open.
fucking luckily, i mumble to myself, in my head, yes in my head, though in retrospect i probably mumbled (in my head) something more incoherent than ‘fucking luckily’, because ‘fucking luckily’ sounds too proper to be something i would say to myself in my head. it was probably something like, ‘fuckinghdsfkshgdfgf’.
i’m not worried about the second lock. i figure that if i managed to get past the first lock, i will definitely get past the second. i mean, no one changes the lock on one gate and not the other, right? and i cant have gotten the wrong apartment because if i did, i wouldnt even have gotten past the first lock. right? right? whatever. i’ve already unlocked the 2nd lock.
ooh, suspense!
i close the door behind me and the first thing i notice is how neat the apartment is, and then his black socks on the floor. i grin to myself as i stand there, soaking everything in. this place smells the same. looks the same. edith has left a note on the glass table about the laundry. the fridge is still bare, but has my malted Vitasoy from the last time. there is a box of Godiva too! oh goody, real food!
slowly, i walk to his room, telling myself not to rush. trailing my fingertips on the white walls. then i open the door. allow myself 2 seconds to lean against the doorframe.. but 2 seconds is all i can take. i need to indulge now. and so i crawl into his bed. envelope myself with his duvet, the one he sleeps with every night. press my face into his pillows. into his scent. that scent. yeah, that scent. oh my god. a stream of nonwords like jghfdkhdjkghdfslhgd run haphazardly though my mind as i feel my entire body drowning. just drowning in all that is him. it feels like falling.
julian ng. come home quick. and find me. and kiss me.
Entry Filed under: Martianisms
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