Epoch
December 6th, 2006
the other day i dreamt that waimin broke up with her boyfriend. it was a violent, painful breakup, and when i woke up, there was a feeling of deep remorse, and what was unmistakably guilt, crawling all over my back. when one first wakes up, perception is always fuzzy around the edges though internally you think that all your thoughts make perfect sense and that everyone around you are fools. sometimes there is a little bit of confusion. but when i woke up that morning, i could feel everything very acutely, from the reason why i felt guilty to the naggy feeling of the cramp in my toes. and i felt that everyone around me were fools.
how do you recognise a beginning when you see one? is there an established marker that tells you so; like a gunshot into the air, a nervous question, a missed call? or are all these merely symbols of a very superficial and desultory beginning, and the real beginning is the beginning when you say it is?
likewise, how do you recognise an end when it is here? and what do you do. are there perfect ways to execute an end? is there a socially optimal method of dealing with ends? what if i dont wanna deal with ends.. what if i just wanna leave them on the table like i did with this blueberry cheese tart i bought from the night market the other day, and watch what happens? my mother ate it, that’s what happened. and that’s perfect, i thought to myself. a 10 out of 10 if i ever saw one.
songjun’s mom called me the other day while i was having my exams. i dont have her number on my mobile anymore, but i recognised it immediately upon sight as i was checking my missed calls. is this a beginning or an end, i wondered. or the end of an end?
as i write this i’m on my way to the airport in a cab marked with the ID number 444. i smirked a little bit when i saw it, and told the cabbie that my restless spirit would seek him and his ominously-numbered cab out if my plane crashed. he laughed. then i said, ‘me getting into your cab is the beginning of the end’. he laughed again. ‘it’s not funny’, i reply, with a smile nonetheless, despite the lack of humour in the situation from my point of view. he doesnt say anything but looks at me quizzically in the rearview mirror.
finally i answer, ‘because ends are like blueberry cheese tarts’.
Entry Filed under: Musings
14 Comments Add your own
1. songjun | December 6th, 2006 at 6:49 pm
did u call her back? lol
dont know why she would call though .. but i highly suspect its the drunk before dawn related, she knows u like these kinda things :P
2. nick au | December 6th, 2006 at 6:51 pm
hey suann,
did you managed to get my email.?
3. tze | December 6th, 2006 at 7:57 pm
you sound so sad. someone with alexander mcqueen shoes should not be sad.
4. MichelleSY | December 6th, 2006 at 9:12 pm
Sweetie, is everything OK? Hope you’re going somewhere nice or at least picking up someone from the airport that you want to see =)
5. ria | December 7th, 2006 at 9:43 am
hey. *hugs*
6. bs | December 7th, 2006 at 1:47 pm
i also can provide hugs! *HUGS*
is this another get away with martian?
7. pinkpau | December 7th, 2006 at 3:26 pm
songjun : no i didnt.. am abroad now. knowing ur mum we’ll prolly be talking for hours on end @_@ will call her when i get bak. if its drunk before dawn, good! i wanna watch!
nick au : yep and have replied :)
tze : im sad cos im missing ur bday party =( its tonight! and im here! and ur there!
michellesy : in mars.. hehe
ria : *hugs* :(
bs : no lah, just here to spend some time with him in hk :)
8. martian | December 7th, 2006 at 4:06 pm
hey do u know that if i didn’t type a comment and hit enter, i’m transported to this rather plain site that admonishes me to “please enter a comment”.
even your blog space draws a firm line to the start and end of leaving a comment.
long live no.8
9. TheRealAnonymous | December 7th, 2006 at 8:25 pm
If you keep seeing it as the beginning of the end… then u’ll never be able to move on. =Þ Coz’ then u’ll keep on focusing on what’s the worse that could happen, more rather than focusing on what you can do to make things better.
See it as the end of the beginning, so that you can then start a new life chapter. One perhaps, with more important things in life going for you. One that leads to a happy ending. =)
————————–
okaaay laa… come laaa… let’s hang out more often! =)
Now.. all i need is your address and your number…! =Þ
10. martian | December 7th, 2006 at 10:46 pm
baby…come to bed. don’t blog anymore…
11. pinkpau | December 8th, 2006 at 12:24 am
the real anon : very true.. i guess it’s all perspectives. dont u already have my number?! get from arch lah!
martian : yes lah yes lah =(
12. black | December 8th, 2006 at 2:14 am
go disneyland!
13. TheRealAnonymous | December 8th, 2006 at 12:44 pm
hehe… okay fineeee… sorry lah. =Þ
I just thought it would be more appropriate to get it from you than thru arch mar. =)
14. vvens | December 8th, 2006 at 11:55 pm
hehe. i saw wai min and her boyfriend this afternoon in Sg wang. :)
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