Neve

December 14th, 2006

it was very quick. even before the confused frown on my forehead ceased, i had retrieved from the recesses of my memory the exact event i needed. it was something i had read on a good friend’s blog. the realization, the matching of incidents, the conclusion was quick as well. i swear it all happened in the blink of an eye. inwardly, i sigh and think to myself, not again? this time i definitely heard right. but i cant even bring myself to care anymore. so i roll my eyes and give my short reply of disagreement. or perhaps correction would be a better word to use. i dont know. i’ve been scarred. and i just want to avoid the chances of being scarred again. it’s not the painful, heartbreaking kind of scar.. but a wince-inducing, pride-damaging kind of scar. now i am nervous. it’s like i’m in this perpetual flight away from something i have to avoid. it’s very tiring. it takes all the fun out of something that should be light-hearted, giggly and happy. it gives it this underlying gloom, this shadow that follows it all around. it’s not about pride anymore. now it’s about love. i wish i could say, i am me.. love me.. but those words are difficult to utter. it’s something you keep second-guessing, something you just cant bring yourself to say.

Entry Filed under: Unsent Letters