I Found An Oil Lamp
January 15th, 2007
i’ve been having a bad week. one of those weeks where it’s hard to laugh, conversation is agonizing (or impossible), and you just wanna fling yourself into a mound of duties so that you dont have to deal with your own thoughts.
i just got off the phone with someone very special. he’s one of those people who have been special to me right from the day we first met. but despite that, i dont usually tell him a lot of things. i tell him i’m sad, but i almost never tell him why. and then he always says this, ‘just take 5 seconds to feel happy’. or, ‘just cheer up’. good advice, i guess, but i’ve never been the type capable of lifting myself out of sadness or anger. i always need someone to coax me out of it, to hold my hand, to come into this with me and then bring me out. i wish he’d understand that. i also wish i could tell him this without having to tell him through a blogpost. and now i’ve used up 2 genie wishes.
so like i said, i’ve been sad. and one of the things i do when i’m sad is that i start cleaning up. it gives me such a sense of accomplishment to compartmentalize things and put them into boxes, and to find that the lid closes nicely on the box, and that i can slide the box into a neat little space that looked like it was carved out specifically for that box. in a way, sorting out physical mess is my escapist method of dealing with the mess in my mind and heart. i like it. and it creates neatness for me to make a mess in the future, which is what i like to do when i’m happy.
because i was sad earlier, i was cleaning up my room. and i came across some cards i never put away, some photos and souvenirs, and some exboyfriend stuff i left lying around. feeling very sentimental, i looked at some of the stuff before i put them away.
first there were a stack of birthday cards from my 17th birthday. amongst them was a pink one from my best friends, which said “Cake is like love” on the front. in it, sieutheng signs off as The Saint and lynn tells me to go to Opus.
in a card from kezanne, she opens with, ‘comment allez vous?’ (and i still dont know what the hell that means) and she reminds me that we’ve been in the same class since we were Std 3. there was once a time when she and i were so close, we werent afraid to tell each other everything. back then, we spoke on the phone every night about boys. her about boys she sat next to, me about boys with laser tag guns .. :)
underneath some old magazines i found an old camsign that i made about how my webcam is working again. on the back of it is scrawled in familiar writing, “Su ann’s dinner! dont touch unless you’re su ann”, which, if i remember correctly, came along with a takeaway bowl of fish porridge.
a christmas card from my JOHANNY! starts out with how it’s been ‘ages’ since we first met in the lobby of Crown (Clown) Towers. old man, it’s only been 3 years! beneath that card is the envelope from the time he snail-mailed me peanut butter kitkats .. hehehe.
in a Herman Hesse book, i found a hotel keycard from The Davis in Bangkok together with my boarding pass.
then i found a journal i kept for someone. it should have spanned 90 days but i only got up to about 10 days before i stopped writing.
a bill from Dr Patrick Chan.
and then there is a note that says. “Hello baby, welcome to HK again. as usual my house is very untidy. make yourself at home. i will come back & hug & kiss you. P/S, I got you a bathrobe.”
i’ve got one genie wish left. what should i use it on?
Entry Filed under: General
28 Comments Add your own
1. mrbherng | January 15th, 2007 at 3:49 am
Comment allez-vous means how are you in French, a rather formal way of saying it.
Anyway, just cheer up if you are still down by the time you read this.. =)
Oh yeah, if I were you, I will go for unlimited amount of wishes for that last one. Yeah, I admit I am freaking greedy.
2. meetski | January 15th, 2007 at 4:17 am
here’s something to think about.
you both have feelings for each other. but she tells you so many things are in the way.
inexperience
doubt
fear
insecurity
what does one do?
3. songjun | January 15th, 2007 at 5:25 am
eh..why got so many familiar things one :P
4. TheRealAnonymous | January 15th, 2007 at 6:00 am
Well… technically you’ve only used up 1 wish… coz’ your 2nd wish didn’t come true. hahaha… =Þ
And if you’ve cleaned up your room… and u’re still feeling down, you can always come clean mine !! Hahaha…
But you being PinkPau, the sweet tooth… i’m sure its nothing a pint of ice cream in the flavour of your choice can’t fix. =)
5. TheRealAnonymous | January 15th, 2007 at 6:03 am
Quote:
i guess, but i’ve never been the type capable of lifting myself out of sadness or anger. i always need someone to coax me out of it, to hold my hand, to come into this with me and then bring me out
Well… just know that you’ll NEVER be alone. You’ll always have friends to lean on, when everything else seems to fall apart.
Wish u all da best to get thru your struggles. =)
6. melvin | January 15th, 2007 at 8:01 am
what brand/model is ur laptop?
7. Johann | January 15th, 2007 at 8:02 am
Eh, wasn’t that the card from last Christmas? It has been “ages” since you have promised to send me my birthday card too :P
Come visit me soon so you can hand deliver the cards ok? ;)
8. evan | January 15th, 2007 at 11:38 am
ha, i was gonna ask the same question as melvin. can u tell u the brand n model of ur laptop and how much u got it for? i’ve been searching hi n low for a fantastic laptop that comes in white. haha
9. Waifon | January 15th, 2007 at 3:01 pm
i think i saw a bra. orange wannn… oklah…no constructive comments tdy. Super tired… im going to die on my bed now. See you in the next life.
10. pinkpau | January 15th, 2007 at 3:06 pm
mrbherng : so how do you say, ‘i’m good’ in french? well i’d like to ‘just cheer up’ but i’m just not one of those who can do it without help
meetski : why does she mention inexperience? is she intimidated by you or does she feel that she cant love you right? i know what she means about doubt and fear. it’s totally up to you to give her the reassurance she needs. a good mix of encouragement, tenderness and sensitivity to her needs would be perfect :) all the best.
songjun : my room is like a junkyard of familiar things! haha i found the bookmark behind my basket of wrapping paper
therealanon : yeah, i have ice cream waiting for me on the 31st of january, i hear! and yesss actually the point of my this post was to talk abt how i always have my friends and loved ones (as seen from all the encouraging stuff i found around my room) no matter how sucky things get. but i had work to do :P hehe so had to cut short
melvin : compaq presario b2800
johann : OR i could meet u in hk. muahaha i shall spy on u two behind the bushes at the peak. giggling like a schoolgirl the whole time!
evan : it’s the compaq presario b2800 :) i forgot how much i got it for, will ask my friend and get bak to u. so far i have no problems with it (maybe except that it gets dirty a little too quickly) but my friend who bought the same model with me has had multiple probs with hers.
waifon : haha! too observant!
11. sieutheng | January 15th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
i think ur gonna ask me? i got the laptop for rm4900. it shud be much cheaper now. and yea, my keyboard is damn dirty now.
12. Johann | January 15th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
Well, that didn’t last too long then did it? :P
13. meetski | January 15th, 2007 at 7:32 pm
i also dont really understand what a person would mean by doubt and fear? explain to me what it means to you?
14. TheRealAnonymous | January 15th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
Oh… okay… hahaha… didn’t quote notice that. Tot u were just posting up to reminisce some good ol’ times when we were once young. =)
Yes yes… 31st coming. =) hehehe… and where might I ask is the location of the ice cream that will be waiting for you?
15. foreverjas | January 15th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
you really write well. i love reading it. very special way of writing style :) cheer up! r u a pink maniac? hehe:P
16. tze | January 15th, 2007 at 10:32 pm
where you get your genie from! you can wish for like me passing all my papers this sem! =)))
you’re a great person who deserves great things. don’t forget that ;p
17. MichelleSY | January 15th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
I have to admit I’m not the type who can snap my fingers and banish a bad mood just like that. I think I like to……wallow in it sometimes you know?
And comments like “just cheer up” never seem to work either - even though the well-wisher was just that: wishing me well.
Gawd. I hate my pessimism.
18. MichelleSY | January 15th, 2007 at 10:47 pm
Oh, crap. Sorry.
Moaned about myself too much and missed asking the most salient questions of all.
Sweetie, what’s upset you? Why are you having a bad week? Would it be fair to say that you seem to have a had a few down days lately?
Sigh. I think I can venture a guess as to why, but then you would never want to think that something so lovely and so cherished could just crash and burn like that right? Right?
Some days, I think that living in hope, even just a little, is beyond me. Because finding something non-transient seems to be beyond me too =(
But here’s a hug to make you feel better. I won’t say just cheer up =)
19. reallybites | January 15th, 2007 at 11:31 pm
I have exactly the same questions as the comment above (specifically line 4-5) but my ny reso is to be less kaypo (righttt) haha :P
the last genie wish…use it on me!
20. Lalita | January 16th, 2007 at 6:00 am
You’ve really helped me with that card at the bottom - you can’t climb up hill by thinking down hill thoughts. Su Ann - I was feeling so dejected today and troubled - about work. You’ve given me a small lift in my spirits, thank you my dear!
21. Lalita | January 16th, 2007 at 6:01 am
Hey, hope you are feeling better. We keep telling each other at work that chocolate and alcohol will help. So yeah, pretty soon we’ll all be a bunch of alcoholic fatties lah I guess. Chin up my dear - this too will pass, remember that! Bad things always will be replaced by good things.
22. pinkpau | January 16th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
sieutheng : hehe ok thank u ! hey remember i told u i thought my speakers died.. haha turns out they didnt.. i just fcked up the settings on my winamp
johann : what didnt? HK?
meetski : doubt that the rship is worth it, fear of being hurt
therealanon : no lah in the end i didnt write also :P no time. location of this ice cream ah! errr baskin robbins!!
foreverjas : thank u jas :) yes im a pink maniac… so is martian
tze : i dont need to wish also u can do damn well ok. thanks babe, some great things would be nice right now :)
michellesy : i know what u mean.. sometimes a little sadness does us good. and ur guess is probably right. thank u for ur hug :) thats exactly what i need everytime i’m sad. i’m gonna send u some hope .. :D
reallybites : be less kaypo.. hahahaha! no wonder these few days never ask me any questions!
lalita : that card helped me too actually :) thats why i chose to post it up. im glad it helped u. we all need a little optimism and silver lining sometimes. *hugs* yes i’m awaiting the good things.. :)
23. foreverjas | January 16th, 2007 at 11:08 pm
cool.pink maniac :)
24. TheRealAnonymous | January 17th, 2007 at 5:22 am
And which baskin robbins outlet is this? =Þ
And suppose the ice cream is ready for ‘collection’… how could the collector be reached? =Þ
25. pinkpau | January 17th, 2007 at 7:25 am
foreverjas : :D
therealanon : hahaha! via her comments box!
26. songjun | January 19th, 2007 at 4:57 pm
hey that card was from me :O dont *I* get any credit? hahaha :P
27. MichelleSY | January 19th, 2007 at 9:34 pm
Thank you sweetie =)
28. mazda miata roll bar&hellip | June 1st, 2007 at 8:51 am
2005 hyundai accent gt…
2007 jeep tj…
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