Proxy

February 3rd, 2007

i asked him, what if i fall out of love with you because i dont see you often enough? what if i fall out of love with you because we dont talk enough?

he replied with, what do you mean what if? how am i supposed to answer that?

Martian and i have come to that stage in our relationship where we dont talk everyday anymore. i dont know why or how we’ve arrived at this. let me attempt to describe this feeling that i feel as i observe myself at this stage - it’s like standing at the edge of a pool, looking out at the clear blue water.. and then before you know it, someone has pushed you in. that split second that you’re clawing air and have yet to hit the water but have also realized that some fucker has just pushed you in .. that’s the feeling i’m talking about.

after that, it’s like you dont quite recover your breath. it’s the strangest feeling. but i’ve found that the best cure to it is simply crawling into bed and rubbing my cheek against the covers. and sighing. sighing helps so much. i’m only just beginning to find all these little surrogate acts that come the closest to making me sleep well again. i’m only just beginning to find that i can spend certain moments by myself, and still enjoy them after all.

Entry Filed under: Martianisms, Musings