The Red One Please
March 2nd, 2007
i had a balloon.
i bought it for 2 bucks at a temple, from a clown who looked like he hated his job. it was a red balloon with a very long string. the moment i saw it amongst the pink and silver and blue balloons, i knew the red one was the one i wanted. so i bought it. and the clown tied the balloon to my wrist with the utmost tenderness. as he walked away, i realized his cluster of balloons looked sadder and bleaker now that the red balloon was gone. for a moment i considered running up to him and exchanging it for another. but then i thought, no. i want it.
for a few hours i was happy and i took a lot of pictures with my balloon. all these toddlers walking around stared up enviously at it, some babies even tried to make a grab at it. once or twice i thought maybe i should give it to them; after all, they want it more than i do. ‘give her lah,’ my friend said in reference to a little girl who wanted my balloon. ‘dowan lah.. i wanna keep it,’ i said.
as the evening wore on, i moved the loop of the string from my wrist to my fingers. i toyed with it absently, seesawing the string and twirling it this way and that way. my balloon was now in a vulnerable position; one wrong movement and the string would slip from my fingers, letting the balloon loose into the night sky. i realized this, but i still kept playing with the string. i even took a fucking photograph of it. i remember thinking, wouldnt it be funny if i accidentally let go of the balloon!
a while later we were getting ready to leave. terrence was having a smoke, and i was standing there at the exit with him. still toying dangerously with the balloon’s string. and suddenly it just left me. it just went right pass my fingertips and shot up in the air. shot up in the air, like a bird caged for too long. who would have thought that something as docile as a balloon bought from a clown could move so quickly? for some reason i always thought helium balloons would float slowly, slowly, slowly up into the air. so slowly that if i was quick enough, i may even manage to grab the ends of the string and pull the balloon back to me.
i suddenly realized i’d never actually had a balloon slip from my fingers before. the feeling in your gut the very second it happens is the most undescribable feeling. it’s like you’re sinking but standing still. and you try pitifully to reach for the string, but all you get is the frustrating sensation of grasping thin air. and a garbled, strangled, shocked utterance springs forth from your throat. by the time you are aware of all this, the balloon is gone.
that night i watched my balloon make its away up into the sky. it was very painful but i only have myself to blame. did i really have to play with the string that way?
when i looked around, suddenly it seemed as if every child was holding a balloon. the taunt felt hollow, but with jagged edges. i left the temple feeling sad.
Entry Filed under: Musings
27 Comments Add your own
1. ArtificiallyVerbose | March 2nd, 2007 at 3:38 am
You never know what you have until it’s gone. Sounds like a place i’ve been in.
Anyway when u coming down this weekend ar? Which bus did you finally decide on?
2. kenji | March 2nd, 2007 at 6:09 am
u watched mukhsin already? where at? i thought it isnt out yet.
3. alea | March 2nd, 2007 at 8:16 am
i know that feeling. it kills and stings ur heart so badly. oh well.
4. Confused Neanderthal Male | March 2nd, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Sounds very much like playing with love to me.
^_^
5. bs | March 2nd, 2007 at 12:51 pm
aw… *hugs* i lost a balloon once too. kinda on purpose. n i cried at night. many many years back.
6. Kevin | March 2nd, 2007 at 1:08 pm
When I have a helium balloon with me, I usually twirl it like 6428169 times around my hand so it won’t accidentally fly away from me.
Hey yeaa..sounds like love to me..I usually find it hard to let go off a girl once I really love her and want to keep her to me and not wanting to lose her
Oh well..=(
7. Joe | March 2nd, 2007 at 6:35 pm
Heyy Su Ann,
Came across your link while reading Isa’s blog.Not a bad read.Especialy the food bits.Cheers.
8. pinkpau | March 3rd, 2007 at 2:53 am
artificially : i am lucky – my first experience is this balloon experience. im glad it wasnt anything bigger, even if it was a very nice balloon. arriving tomorrow ard 3-4pm. will give u a call!
kenji : i watched it at a special screening :) it’s out next week
alea : may we all be able to hang on to our balloons.. :)
confused neanderthal male : well, you’re not so confused after all!
bs : i fear i will one day do that. lose it on purpose then cry at night. which is worse, losing it accidentally or on purpose, then regretting it?
kevin : hehe i guess we treat our balloons very differently. but we can learn from each other!
joe : why thank u :) food is always a good thing to write abt.
9. karen su ann | March 3rd, 2007 at 10:45 am
ohmygosh! We have the same name ? same spelling too. =D I’m Karen Tan Su Ann . haha
10. Boss Stewie | March 3rd, 2007 at 11:18 am
i loveee helium balloons… i especially love filling up a room with them… with all of them on the ceiling with their strings hanging down… beautiful.. until they all fall to the ground the next morning.
11. MichelleSY | March 3rd, 2007 at 3:07 pm
awwwwwwww
*hugs and pats on the back*
12. branavan | March 3rd, 2007 at 3:44 pm
i should be at the Cammies…i was last year, so if my konco-konco wanna go again, i’ll be there.
sad that both men and women compete in the same category. PGL is going to clean house – AC deserves the honour and I hope he wins, but its sad because i wanted fair competition for Suki and Joanna – both were splendid.
see you there, i hope :)
13. Aimee | March 3rd, 2007 at 4:20 pm
pinkpau! i havent seen you in ages but i frequent your site,so it’s like we never parted in perak. very entertaining stuff you have in here. i especially liked this post, just wanted you to know that:)
talk to you soon!
14. melvin | March 3rd, 2007 at 5:20 pm
luckily the belon din burst..heh, im afraid of bursting balloons!
15. Lisan | March 3rd, 2007 at 6:18 pm
eh eh. Mukhsin come out already mer????
16. bulat | March 3rd, 2007 at 6:28 pm
amazing how you blogged a whole post bout a balloon yet i felt something so different at the same time..*ouch*
17. Ann Spam | March 3rd, 2007 at 8:21 pm
This reminds me of the last helium balloon I had was when I was in my mother’s school (tagging along to where she taught).
Then I accidentally let go of it in the staffroom.
Being small and cute at that time I even managed to get one of the teachers there to climb onto the table to get the balloon down for me.
I was so happy I walked outside, forgot about it, and spent a good 5 minutes watching it disappear into the sky. I must have looked like a little kid waiting for bird shit to fall on my face.
There is something poetic about helium balloons.
Perhaps you didn’t let go of the balloon; perhaps the open sky was too enticing for it.
Anywaaay. I may go and watch Mukhsin when they start showing it in 1U yay
18. secretbear | March 3rd, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Look at it this way, if it hadn’t have slipped from your fingers, you wouldn’t know how much you really like the balloon. Next time, don’t let it slip away again. Lesson learnt. =)
19. Porcupine | March 3rd, 2007 at 11:56 pm
You know, your short stories never fail to awe me…
A simple story and yet so full of thought…
I think this could qualify as a literature piece taught to Secondary students…
20. nick au | March 4th, 2007 at 12:54 am
su ann!!.,i’ve missed you.. where have you been..
life’s tough.. acks..
shit’s been happening la
21. anonymous | March 4th, 2007 at 2:47 am
by the way, if you didn’t know.. the balloons will soon run out of helium and drop into the sea and turtles might accidentally eat them. so becareful with your helium balloons the next time =)
22. darkhello | March 4th, 2007 at 11:30 am
I remember losing a yellow helium balloon for the very first time. my mum and i were at a carnival fair and i untied my balloon from my wrist not knowing how fast they tend to fly from your fingers. It shot up exactly the way you described. :(
It’s such a hollow feeling, losing a balloon.
23. pinkpau | March 5th, 2007 at 1:35 am
karen su ann : haha we have such a common name dont we. i know two other girls called su ann who share my surname as well! sigh!
boss stewie : someone had a grandiose vday plan once upon a time!
michellesy : dont worry.. nothing happened :)
branavan : see u there!
aimee : soon indeed! we shall have a Perak meetup, and we can all take turns bullying julian!
melvin : haha u must have been perpetually frightened at birthday parties as a child!
lisan : out this week!
bulat : im glad i got my point across.. haha
annspam : awwww a mini annspam crying.. i can just picture it in my head :D well i dont fear the open skies. it’s less of a threat than my own carelessness, i think
secretbear : indeed :)
porcupine : no lah aiyo dont say until liddat
nick au : ive been in singapore. yes shit has been known to happen every once in a while
anonymous : im surprised ur the only person to bring this up :) tho i must admit the thought of asphixiating turtles wasnt the immediate thought on my mind that night.
darkhello : we live and learn, yes? hollowness can be filled.
24. violet | March 5th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
awww. love this post.
25. kristof | March 9th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
I think the more hold we have towards something, the more we tempt and tease ourselves with losing it.
To be able to afford to do such a thing shows you have power over the balloon.
Why is infidelity kinky?
26. splashmilk’s blog &&hellip | March 14th, 2007 at 1:36 am
[...] by Pinkpau from quaintly.net [...]
27. splashmilk’s blog &&hellip | March 14th, 2007 at 1:49 am
[...] by Pinkpau from quaintly.net [...]
Leave a Comment
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed