Wake Up Wake Up
March 25th, 2007
there was this one morning last year. i’d woken up in a strange city beside a strange man with whom i had no business waking up beside. lying there in between the white bedsheets, i was only all too aware of the chocolate brown curtains and the morning sunlight it was letting through; a vertical disk of dusty light cutting through the hotel room and the hotel bed like a sharp piece of paper. i realized then that i’d fallen asleep with my contact lenses on, and that i didnt even remember falling asleep.
the man – a peaceful, breathing knot of tension – was sleeping on my left. i hadnt looked at him since i woke up, but i knew he was there, and i was really just more comfortable staring at the ceiling, repeating oh-my-gods silently in my head in between a lot of cringing and a lot of lip-biting.
but then i had to look at him. i just had to .. and so i did. suddenly he stirred, and i remember thinking, oh no dont wake up NOW!. he didnt wake up, instead he enveloped me in his arms. i didnt know what to do. surely this is not right? surely this is not what i want. so what the hell was i doing there in his bed, wearing his tshirt and his boxers, with the full knowledge that all this intimacy was in the wrong place at the wrong time? i was scared, but i was too proud to admit it.
when he woke up, he took a photo of me while i was still in bed. i covered my face and growled, DONT take my picture in the morning! but he did anyway.
months and months later, i find myself waking up beside him again, but in a familiar city this time. my skin is swathed with white bedsheets once more, and again it is chocolate brown curtains that demonstrate leniency to the stubborn rays of morning sunlight.
the congruency of this setting transports me back to then. but it is a long, long transportation – i feel like i’m hurtling backwards miles and miles and miles into oblivion. that first morning feels like a distant memory in the recesses of my mind. details are fuzzy, i suddenly realize i dont remember a lot. but certain things are clear : i’m guilty as well. contrary to what i had previously imagined, i am not a ‘once upon a time’ author after all. the first alphabet of my first chapter is not that huge cursive block you find in the fairytale classics, but it is in fact 10 point Arial. i’m an idealist who’s really a realist. it took me so long to finally see this.
in the bathroom, my contact lenses are in their green-and-white case atop the counter. he’s sleeping on my right and our legs are tangled together comfortably. gingerly, i lace my fingers through his, and he awakes at this to kiss me on my cheek. then we fall asleep again, together.
when he wakes up, he takes a picture of me in bed. i pull a face and he laughs. what is to become of us from this day onward, i ask myself.
i am still scared, and i am still too proud to admit it.
but i know that i love him.
Entry Filed under: Martianisms, Musings
30 Comments Add your own
1. alea | March 25th, 2007 at 4:33 am
the feeling of waking up beside your love one is the most wonderful feeling ever :) ahhhh. memoriessssss. sniffles. haha.
2. k0k | March 25th, 2007 at 6:10 am
The reason I visit your site is that I like the way you capture the most silvery and intangible of sentiments in words. I like to write myself, but I can’t approximate your talent at all.
Good morning.
ps: that’s one cool shirt you’re wearing. I want one!
3. turquoise | March 25th, 2007 at 11:12 am
hogwarts ! which house would you like to be in ?
4. foreverjas | March 25th, 2007 at 11:51 am
wow. miss your blog!!! how can u write so well???? o.O
5. Mr S | March 25th, 2007 at 11:55 am
haha….cool, are u wearing ur pants?
6. Adrian C | March 25th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
you look bloody scary when u just wake up. lol.
7. bs | March 25th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
awwww… i wish i had a significant other..
hey you’ve watched perfume? how was it?
8. tze | March 25th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
this post is really nice. i wish i had the money to travel around hotels and sleep in nice places too T______________T
9. jimmy | March 25th, 2007 at 4:28 pm
heheh me 2
10. nick au | March 25th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
oy oy !! way to go martian and suann!!! lol
11. nick au | March 25th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
unless it’s not martian then…. ooops my bad..
12. Johanny | March 25th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
Awww… happy times… :) but you still missed out on your Tim Tams :P
13. MichelleSY | March 25th, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Awww sweetie *hugs* =)
14. jinz | March 25th, 2007 at 10:19 pm
great way of using words..i love ur talent…i am beginning to love ur blog..it makes me addicted to it
15. The Sim | March 26th, 2007 at 9:42 am
haha thats why i got attracted to it in the first place.
16. Dr. Tan | March 26th, 2007 at 11:29 am
Oooo… So tired. Must have had a work out wtf ahhaa
17. ronin | March 26th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Your writing today reminds me a little of The Time Traveler’s Wife. Continue the good work …
18. pinkpau | March 26th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
alea : agreed :)
k0k : believe me, i dont have talent. im just surrounded by very inspirational ppl and situations. and u cant have my shirt!!
turquoise : gryffindor! no other!!!
mr s : maybe
adrian c : i look better after coffee… =(
bs : exquisitely excellent :) but from what little i read of the book, there’s something missing from the movie. still very well done tho
tze : just dont buy so many kookai dresses then can oredi!
jimmy : u too what!
nick au : haha why, u are a martian supporter ah!
johanny : i will find a way to get them..!! somehow…
michellesy : teehee. *hugs*
jinz : muahaha yay stay addicted!
the sim : u mean it wasnt because we went to school together for like 3598340 years?? =(
dr tan : wtf -__-
ronin : oh my god dont say things like that…. the time traveller’s wife is an excellent book and i dont even dare dream about writing anything of that calibre!
19. Michelle | March 26th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
Your shirt attracts me. Like a magnet
20. DIrector | March 26th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
wah, so lucky la ur bf….lol,could not recognise u when u just wake up…where do u buy that shirt?
21. nick au | March 26th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
eh eh… nono.. i support you too… suann suann!!!
*secretly woots for martian…woots*
er.. I meant Suann suannn!
22. lynn | March 27th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
I love the way u write! *agree with kok*
23. pinkpau | March 27th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
michelle : it did the same to me .. :P bloody warner bros sure knows how to make money
director : haha isn that how i look like in college every morning! i bought that shirt in melbourne
nick : -__________-
lynn : thank u.. :) i generally dont have a lot of confidence in my stuff so its always so nice to hear that ppl like the way i write :)
24. entwined | March 27th, 2007 at 10:41 pm
you don’t have a lot of confidence in your stuff?
WOOT. who’s the one becoming finalists in all those writing competitions? you are, i think, by far the best blogger i’ve read. extremely eloquent, emotive and expressive. er…alliteration not intended. and your posts shows a very mature mind behind the writings, too.
i WISH i could capture thoughts into words like you. it’s haunting they way you do it.
:) no more no confidence, ok! i love your blog! don’t stop blogging! *waves like crazed fanboi*
25. pinkpau | March 27th, 2007 at 11:13 pm
finalist only mah… never win oso! =(
26. ArtificiallyVerbose | March 28th, 2007 at 12:21 am
the only situation when sleep isn’t overated.
27. violet | March 28th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
yeah so i was asking… how do you get to travel everywhere all the time? i wanna know how. =)
28. pinkpau | March 28th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
artificially : sleep is never overrated, my dodgy friend!
violet : i sneakily take advantage of convenient breaks in my weekly schooling schedule.. :) so i still get to keep my attendance marks yet travel at the same time!
29. matrianklw | March 28th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Beautifully written! What a refreshing and good read!
30. mrs jeff buckley | March 31st, 2007 at 12:53 pm
that just stirred up a whole lot of forgotten memories =)
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