The Red One Please

i had a balloon.

i bought it for 2 bucks at a temple, from a clown who looked like he hated his job. it was a red balloon with a very long string. the moment i saw it amongst the pink and silver and blue balloons, i knew the red one was the one i wanted. so i bought it. and the clown tied the balloon to my wrist with the utmost tenderness. as he walked away, i realized his cluster of balloons looked sadder and bleaker now that the red balloon was gone. for a moment i considered running up to him and exchanging it for another. but then i thought, no. i want it.

for a few hours i was happy and i took a lot of pictures with my balloon. all these toddlers walking around stared up enviously at it, some babies even tried to make a grab at it. once or twice i thought maybe i should give it to them; after all, they want it more than i do. ‘give her lah,’ my friend said in reference to a little girl who wanted my balloon. ‘dowan lah.. i wanna keep it,’ i said.

as the evening wore on, i moved the loop of the string from my wrist to my fingers. i toyed with it absently, seesawing the string and twirling it this way and that way. my balloon was now in a vulnerable position; one wrong movement and the string would slip from my fingers, letting the balloon loose into the night sky. i realized this, but i still kept playing with the string. i even took a fucking photograph of it. i remember thinking, wouldnt it be funny if i accidentally let go of the balloon!

a while later we were getting ready to leave. terrence was having a smoke, and i was standing there at the exit with him. still toying dangerously with the balloon’s string. and suddenly it just left me. it just went right pass my fingertips and shot up in the air. shot up in the air, like a bird caged for too long. who would have thought that something as docile as a balloon bought from a clown could move so quickly? for some reason i always thought helium balloons would float slowly, slowly, slowly up into the air. so slowly that if i was quick enough, i may even manage to grab the ends of the string and pull the balloon back to me.

i suddenly realized i’d never actually had a balloon slip from my fingers before. the feeling in your gut the very second it happens is the most undescribable feeling. it’s like you’re sinking but standing still. and you try pitifully to reach for the string, but all you get is the frustrating sensation of grasping thin air. and a garbled, strangled, shocked utterance springs forth from your throat. by the time you are aware of all this, the balloon is gone.

that night i watched my balloon make its away up into the sky. it was very painful but i only have myself to blame. did i really have to play with the string that way?

when i looked around, suddenly it seemed as if every child was holding a balloon. the taunt felt hollow, but with jagged edges. i left the temple feeling sad.

27 comments March 2nd, 2007