I Don’t Have Freckles In My Eyes And Neither Do You

April 19th, 2007

i bought myself a month’s time with a piece of plastic. spoke to a lady with a heavy northeastern american accent and found myself getting extremely irritated that she couldnt spell my name right despite incessant repititions. s-u-a-double-n. no no no, not w-n. DOUBLE n. not W. DOUBLE N. well FUCK THAT, it’s s-u-a-n-n!

incredulous is the emotion of the morning. i’m looking at all these people and i cant believe how calm they are. maybe it’s the eggs n’ coffee, maybe it’s the weed. or maybe it’s the fact that they will always have toilet paper on the holders and they know it. they know it, and they smirk on the inside at people on the outside who are looking in with jealousy masked by veneers of nonchalance. so even the people who dont have toilet paper on their holders look calm. everyone is calm. what gives? did i miss the memo? i definitely didnt miss the nervous flutter in my heart. and the anxiety pangs when i woke up. i clutched the pillow but it didnt comfort me. my bedsheets smelt different, like the smell of another man.

there is a certain breathlessness about how this week has been marked off the calendar. like everyone else, i’m rushing through the days blindly; pushing away hanging vines of obligation and having my face scratched by the scarring loss of opportunities. but i dont care. i dont give two shits. i just wanna get to the castle with the moat and tall towers.

i was a little bit angry tonight. i wished for a red car driven by a person with red hair to come whisk her away. and i would be left here staring daggers sideways at this other person’s left shoulder.

i came home to a quiet house buzzing with the sound of the television left on standby. kicking off my shoes, i flung myself down on the couch and sighed my hours away. if my engine overheated, who would i call? 5 minutes later i woke up startled and thinking that someone was talking to me. if my engine overheated, i would call him.

Entry Filed under: Musings