Doldrums

my latest bout of the blues has chosen to occur at a most inappropriate time; it’s a Saturday night and i am miserably holed up at home in an oversized tshirt and with my hair up, as i am prone to do when these moods hit.

i attribute it to the really disturbed sleep i had last night. i didnt have nightmares or anything, but i woke up feeling like i went to bed with a huge urgent problem and did not wake up with a solution. i cant help but feel a little bit cheated; last night was the only night in many days that i’ve been able to have a proper sleep, and it didnt even have the courtesy to turn out well.

so the alarm went off at 9 this morning, jarringly reminding me that i have to be at Times Square for the ESUM finals in an hour, but i thought, fuck that. there’s no way i’m getting out of bed today. lunch with the julian and the yun and the szetoo was a no-go as well, so i got to stay in bed till 2pm. by the time the evening rolled around, i was still feeling like i wanted to drown the earth in a tub of water (can anyone explain this weird need to me??), so i canceled all of my saturday night plans to hermit at home. sigh. the boyfriend’s advice was to just get up and go somewhere, but i simply could not bring myself to pretty up and go out and air kiss and make small talk and take photographs.

i’ve got a bit of angst that i need to vent. i love my boyfriend so much, but this long distance thing is taking a toll. i cant stand that i’m sitting around in need of love and he’s not here to give me hugs and kisses. it’s just that i’ve never been a long-distance person and never will be. i realize now how much i’ve completely taken for granted all those times i had a boyfriend who would come by my house with ice cream and kisses or who would take me out for a movie if i ever needed cheering up. i cannot put into words how much i wish that Martian and i could have that sort of relationship. but i suppose that’s not going to happen anytime soon.

and i have a lot to be grateful for, so i’m going to shut up now.

anyways in an attempt to cheer myself up that would require only minimal social contact, i went out alone and came back with : lots of magazines that i will probably never read, La Boheme egg tarts, chocolate, blueberry cheesecake from Secret Recipe, McDonalds (hahaha quarter pounder!), a whole truckload of diet coke (so much for my non-diet coke week) and 3 pints of ice cream because i couldnt decide between cookies & creme or tiramisu or macadamia nut brittle. i love comfort food. i’ve got the cookies & creme with me now, and i feel so much better already!

and i’m glad that my brother just came home. it’s nice to have someone around.

———–

here are the answers for my quiz that everyone except sieutheng failed!!! -___- very difficult meh the quiz! just admit that you guys need to spend more time with me now!

1. i was miss popularity. haha most of y’all picked miss congeniality, but that was actually the one category i wasnt even in the running for. apparently my high school student body didnt think i was very congenial :P

2. i would nag you for eating sharks fin, eating foie gras and not registering to vote. i wouldnt nag you for buying animal skin products.

3. my weird habit is turning down the radio the moment i get into someone’s car. hahaha i dont know why i do it!!! it just happens. i guess it’s coz it’s a little annoying having to talk above the noise of the radio.

4. i get moody when i dont talk for a prolonged period of time. seriously. so if i’m unhappy all you have to do is make me talk a lot and i will be all smiles again, heeheehee.

5. i would never sit for an exam without studying. oh my god so kiasu but it’s the truth!! i’ve been known to get into the cars of strangers, and i do yell at my parents whenever we have loud disagreements. and i loveeeee not wearing bras!

6. quarter pounders forever!!! do you guys know how good they taste with barbeque sauce!!!

7. my dog is (was) called Sugar. sieutheng’s dog is called Coffee, and Kupo is the name i’ve always wanted to give my next dog. *points and laughs at everyone who thought my dog’s name was Antonio Banderas hahahaha*

8. the biggest misconception about moi is that i eat a lot. IT’S TRUEEEE. i totally and completely love food but it is unfortunate that i’ve been born with an extremely pathetic stomach capacity. most of the time i have to wait an hour or so before i can start eating again. sedih right. ya i know.

9. in my relationships, i am totally demanding and sulky (as all my ex boyfs would tell you), i run away from problems and i break up so often that my friends have begun to tune out whenever i start moaning and groaning about my latest breakup. but i’m not jealous and insecure. funnily, both songjun and Martian think that i AM jealous and insecure -___- whateverrrr lah, boys, whateverrrr.

10. my first boyfriend in high school was a basketball player!!! love love love. but he’s not a basketball player anymore.

faster faster everybody go make a quiz also so i can take! i so totally love this shit :D

p/s : it’s Earth Day tomorrow! while i was out and about the past week, i noticed that lots of supermarkets and convenience stores have put up posters on minimizing the use of plastic bags. there are a lot of recycling drives and car pools going on too! whee. i am happy that people are beginning to realize how important such efforts are :)

20 comments April 21st, 2007