Unconditional Love

because i foolishly had some Baileys while out tonight despite strict orders from Cute Doctor to stay away from milk (i had cake with coconut in it too, actually, but let’s not make me feel guiltier), my stomachaches from my bout of food poisoning came back worse than before. i couldnt even sleep it away this time; all i could do was cry and cry and cry.

at about 5am, the pain became more than i could take. so i went to my parents’ room, crawled in between them, and piteously mustered as much courage as i could to ask my dad if he would please kindly take me to the doctor.

he stirred and said, ‘go away, i’m sleeping’.

and then he just rolled over and went back to sleep.

i sat there stunned for a few seconds before i got up, left, and quietly shut the door behind me.

then i curled up in the armchair in my living room and just cried, more from the heartbreak than anything else.

within minutes, my father was out in the living room with me. he said okay, let’s go to the doctor, but in my crying fits i pushed him away and refused to go now. i didnt even want to look at him.

so he said alright, if you wont go to the doctor, at least come sleep in our room. dont sleep alone. i’ll take care of you.

then he tried to carry me in but i kicked and screamed and refused to move coz i was so angry. angry at him and angry at the fact that he could turn me away like that the first time. just leave me alone, i yelled. go back to sleep!

he said nothing and went back into his room. i really thought that this was him leaving me alone, and my heart sank. but he came back out with a blanket, which he put on me, and his own pillow. then he lay down and slept in the living room with me, holding my hand the entire time. and each time the stomach pangs came back and i started crying again, he would clutch my hand tighter and hug me and say everything would be okay.

and that is why my father is a million, trillion times better than any fucking boyfriend who tells me he loves me and is going to stick around forever. coz my father really does love me, and he really does stick around forever. even when i’m being difficult or sulky or terrible. even when i dont deserve it. even when i push him away. he always, always comes back for me.

May 19th, 2007