because i foolishly had some Baileys while out tonight despite strict orders from Cute Doctor to stay away from milk (i had cake with coconut in it too, actually, but let’s not make me feel guiltier), my stomachaches from my bout of food poisoning came back worse than before. i couldnt even sleep it away this time; all i could do was cry and cry and cry.
at about 5am, the pain became more than i could take. so i went to my parents’ room, crawled in between them, and piteously mustered as much courage as i could to ask my dad if he would please kindly take me to the doctor.
he stirred and said, ‘go away, i’m sleeping’.
and then he just rolled over and went back to sleep.
i sat there stunned for a few seconds before i got up, left, and quietly shut the door behind me.
then i curled up in the armchair in my living room and just cried, more from the heartbreak than anything else.
within minutes, my father was out in the living room with me. he said okay, let’s go to the doctor, but in my crying fits i pushed him away and refused to go now. i didnt even want to look at him.
so he said alright, if you wont go to the doctor, at least come sleep in our room. dont sleep alone. i’ll take care of you.
then he tried to carry me in but i kicked and screamed and refused to move coz i was so angry. angry at him and angry at the fact that he could turn me away like that the first time. just leave me alone, i yelled. go back to sleep!
he said nothing and went back into his room. i really thought that this was him leaving me alone, and my heart sank. but he came back out with a blanket, which he put on me, and his own pillow. then he lay down and slept in the living room with me, holding my hand the entire time. and each time the stomach pangs came back and i started crying again, he would clutch my hand tighter and hug me and say everything would be okay.
and that is why my father is a million, trillion times better than any fucking boyfriend who tells me he loves me and is going to stick around forever. coz my father really does love me, and he really does stick around forever. even when i’m being difficult or sulky or terrible. even when i dont deserve it. even when i push him away. he always, always comes back for me.
May 19th, 2007
i’m in one of those crotchety grumpy moods, and it’s all thanks to one big mother of a see hum that was in my bowl of curry laksa. i’ve been spending the past 2 days either perched precariously on the toilet, or rolling around in bed clutching my stomach and screaming. both not pretty sights. especially since i’m not allowed milk, and all the best comfort foods (ice cream, chocolate, caramel macchiatos!) contain, but of course, milk.
but i do foresee myself getting sick more frequently in the future. ahem. because as the laws of serendipity would have it, i was tended to by the cutest ever doctor whilst i was in my miserable state of food poisoning. it is an understatement to say that i am all aflutter with excitement at this new discovery! oh, be still my heart. wait, that could be a cardiac murmur! i need a doctor! i need that doctor!
okay lah no more playing. because i am angsty and stomach-churny and desperately craving ice cream, i refuse to write anything. i’m just going to put up pictures of a time when i wasnt suffering from this accursed affliction of food poisoning. ah, to long for the good old days! such carefree seehum-eating nostalgia.
me and Timtam messing around in Marmalade over the Labour Day weekend :
beanbag tranquility
beanbag cheekiness
L for Lemon Cheesecake, which i’m craving
we got a cupcake to play with!
but we’re both partial to Alexis’ Tiramisu
awwwwwwwww
i heart Timtam coz he always layan me when i want to take stupid pictures
right now there’s only one person i want to stab with a fork. brutally.
ivan dahling and i
at the Cammies! yes it was a PGL sweep. not that anyone was surprised..
me, Kakicucuklangit, juliana, justin
the famileh and i! as you can see, both my brothers are drunk.
my lurvely cousin
kenny and i at nexus
a perfect sunnies + book + diet coke day
on another note, an American Idol inclined note, can i just say OH MY GOD. WTF???
May 17th, 2007
behind me and beyond the glass windows are red tiles and alfresco cafes and sullen parking meters. occassionally, a double-parking car pulls out nonchalantly from its spot and drives away. but almost instantly another car will slide in smoothly to fill up that space; a snobby proud space that is not used to being lonely. observing this fluid replacement mechanism from afar, i feel a little bit jealous. sometimes i wish things were as easy as double parking.
i bought a pretty dress the other day. it’s pink and white and short and i love it. as i was trying the dress on, i thought of him, and i thought of how when we meet in 2 weeks’ time, i’ll greet him with this dress. i’ll be standing there and he’ll walk towards me, smiling and sweeping his eyes over my new dress, and he will know that i bought it just for him. just to celebrate our 3rd time back together to our city - this city of traffic and glass noodles and handholding and americanos with milk added.
many things are not to be. i refuse to be a rag doll tossed around from one ultimatum to another by means of uncertainty and opinion. i just want to sit here and sulk and be rightfully angry. the half-eaten oreo cheesecake sitting in front of me, with its aggravating bits of cookies and chocolate syrup drizzled in an irritating crisscross all over it, is irking the hell out of me. such saccharide smugness. i have a sudden urge to eat it all so that i dont have to look at it anymore.
i chose to be alone today, but right now i’m beginning to realize i may have made the wrong choice. there is no one but myself to listen to these unfair thoughts in my head, and the more undiluted they are by a lack of audience, the more convinced i am that this unfairness is justified. but it is a lacey kind of justification, one that i wouldnt dare say out loud in public.
remember when we took pictures at the lobby of the Davis? remember our little cold war at the noodle place you blogged about? how about that first morning when we woke up? that cab ride to the concert where i repeatedly said you were mean? then there was cheap coke and baskin robbins and sausages that you fed me. trouble finding each other at chatuchak. that coffee place next to the supermarket. that chocolate bread thing you bought that we kept snacking on. that night we fought and made up.
the music here is depressing. it’s one of those stare-at-ceiling soundtracks, songs for a sad stranger on a train. there will be no 3rd time.
8.02pm, Marmalade
May 16th, 2007
to everybody who ever said or implied that i’m a lazy lounger who lies around all day eating chocolate and being fed grapes by my manservants or that i cant even walk down the street to buy ice cream : despite your unrelenting accuracy in describing my slothiness, but minus the grapes by manservants because grapes isnt exactly my preferred choice of fruit, i can now rightfully say with 100% conviction,
I AM A ROCK STAR!
I AM A ROCK STAR WHO CLIMBS MOUNTAINS!
wait wait let me say that again. just in case, you know, you didnt catch it the first time around.
I AM A ROCK STAR WHO CLIMBS MOUNTAINS!
yes ladies and gentlemen, the pinkpau climbed Mount Kinabalu. oh, only like the tallest mountain in my country. no big deal no big deal. *fans self*
no lah actually it was a damn big deal, for me lah at least. i was so eager to do it at first, but as the date of the climb drew nearer, more and more people started scoffing at me :( they patted me on the shoulder, saying i shouldnt take myself so seriously. and then there were all these stories from friends who climbed Mt Kina and said it was the toughest thing they ever did.
then when i excitedly told my (former) trainer that i intend to climb Mt Kina all the way to the top, he didnt bother containing his laughter. i quote : “you cant even do 40 reps of leg presses and you want to climb a mountain???”. yah now you understand why he’s not my trainer anymore.
even the guy at Timberland, where i bought my climbing shoes, gravely told me it’s not too late to cancel the climb when i said my only preparation was running up 13 flights of stairs the day before coz the elevator broke down.
so of course i thought i was going to die lah!! -____- what to do, coz everybody in my life and even a freaking shoe salesman are so encouraging right.
eh but i did it. i climbed Mt Kinabalu all the way to the peak. it was DAMN BLOODY GRUELING but i did it. without training! even though it rained cats and dogs throughout our climb! and even though i sit around being fed grapes all day! see Ma, your daughter quite fit also.
some pictures from the climb :
Kenny and i with our trusty Powerbars! his is vanilla crisp and mine is chocolate peanut butter. heehee i was actually quite thrilled when i went shopping for Powerbars! coz i thought they’d be these crappy disgusting unflavoured things, but turns out they have nice yummy girly flavours like Cookies and Cream and Double Chocolate. awesome possum!
that would be kenny in the background taking a picture
1 kilometer and dying
this was the part where it started raining. okay nvm. more challenging. bring it on!
a bunch of japanese old men who were climbing with us. look, these were frail old 60-70 year old men with white hair and creaky joints and bad backs!!! climbing mountains!!!
me with a porter
this pic and the above pic are proof that you can never be too tired to camwhore. this one is me and a new friend Ethan doing the mountain toilet thing
all banks, fear me! this was the nighttime part of the climb from the Laban Rata resthouse onwards
sun started creeping in at 5.30am. motivation to get our asses up to the very top so that we wouldnt miss the amazing sunrise!
the sun makes you wanna do crazy things. like run off a cliff. i swear.
and we reached the top :) this was our moment of complete ecstacy and exhiliration and pride in each other!
hehe the Japanese old men from before. they arrived at the peak almost the same time we young fit ones did! what the???
i dedicate this accomplishment to Sri Garden, my high school. my 11 years in there were exactly like the entire climb up Mt Kinabalu; difficult, demanding, painful, exhausting, and many a time i wanted to quit. but when you’ve finally reached the peak and you’re on top of the world looking down, the feeling is priceless. and you feel so damn good about yourself, because you did it, you fucking did it although everyone else said you couldnt. thank you Sri Garden for being so Sri Garden. you prepared me for things like Mt Kinabalu and life.
being smug at the peak, heehee.
something stupid happened on our way down from the peak. barely 10 minutes into our descent from Low’s Peak, i fell off some rocks and sprained my ankle. yes, it’s probably the zillionth time i’ve sprained it to date, and i was so pissed off at myself for being so careless about my bad ankle. anyway it hurt like crazy and i was crying like a baby from the pain. i couldnt walk, so climbing down the mountain was definitely out of the question. so guess what happened?
my guide along with another guide, piggybacked me the 2km down from the peak to the Laban Rata resthouse.
yes can you believe that. they piggybacked me AND practically RAN down the mountain, skipping and hopping past other climbers who were precariously trying to keep their balance on the rocks or descending slowly from their ropes. it was so damn amusing, i wish i had taken a video of them prancing down the mountain with me on their backs. but alas, i was too morose and tearful (read : crying like crazy) to want to do anything else except, well, cry.
when we arrived at Laban Rata, the guides had to call for the rescue team to bring me back down the remaining 6km to Timpohon, the foot of Mt Kinabalu. i was so frustrated. i mean come on lah - who goes to Mt Kinabalu, climbs up, but gets piggybacked and stretchered down??? it takes away almost half of the experience! so i cried and begged and pleaded to be allowed to climb down on my own, but they werent having any of it. it was their responsibility to ensure all climbers get down safe and sound, said they.
even after one of the guides put this mystery green ointment on my leg and bandaged my leg up real tight and i could prove to them that i could sorta walk, they wouldnt let me climb down on my own. pouting didnt work. crying didnt work. big puppy dog eyes didnt work. tantrums didnt work. threats didnt work.
bribing did.
HAHAHA.
so guess who climbed down the rest of the way down Mt Kinabalu on her own despite a sprained ankle!
like i said, rock star!
actually it was damn painful. but a walking stick really helped, plus i could distract myself by talking to our mountain guide Jikon, who is so full of stories and experiences despite his young age. before i knew it, we were already down at Timpohon.
back down on solid ground with our certificates and Jikon! coolest guide ever. Jikon, thank you for piggybacking me, even though you keep saying i’m heavy. goblok. but i forgive you.
after our climb, Kenny and i stayed a night at the Nexus. lurvely beachside resort but got too many lizards. photos of us doing the calendar babe thing at the beach! :
who wins?? kenny or i?? faster say. and dont be biased just because he’s a celebrity blogger :(
all in all, the climb up Mt Kinabalu was a fantastic experience and i enjoyed every single moment of it. it was such an engaging challenge, exciting as well as bloody fun. bloody bloody fun. tiring but so worth it. everyone should go. i definitely want to go again, just to climb down the 2km from Low’s Peak to Laban Rata myself this time. who’s up for it?! :D
many hugs and smooches to Kenny who took such good care of me the entire time. thanks Mr Calendar Hunk, for 4-hour long drives in the middle of nowhere, headlamps, coconut milkshakes, bites of powerbars, drying shoes, smoking heaters, 5-star breakfasts, keeping warm, encouragement, conversation, staring-at-starry-skies moments, never giving up, camwhoring, and a really good trip :) HUGS.
he isnt feeling too well now, so mosey over and give him some love!
okay. so i climbed Mt Kinabalu. what’s next?
May 14th, 2007
