everything is right about us
there are so many things i wanna say. yet i dunno how to say it. mostly things about what i feel inside but also things that happened. i wanna talk about that moment. that moment which is now a blank just before it happened. i don’t remember that moment. it’s a blank flash of white light which i could only circumvent but not get into. this is the moment before su ann gives me the scrapbook. nature has its way of clasping us to autopilot so that we are not overwhelmed by a big event that is about to envelop us. which explains this amnesia. it’s restricted. it’s not a glitch in the system, it’s for some reason just a delibrately disallowed, faint, concrete wall of unathorised access.
i realise now it is entitled “one year of everything”. i realise now the hole of the g’s on the pasted “hong kong” are coloured by black ink and not cut out, perhaps in a short fit of playfulness/rush the g-holes have eyes atop them. i now can connect that little bit of clue delivered to me by her giggly laughs on the junkboat, that “i once drew that building”, referring to I.M Pei’s iconic bank of china building, to the actual drawing in the scrapbook, bigger to me than the actual building itself, and on the same page also a drawing of the said junkboat, sailing from beneath where we stood back on to the scrapbook. there is a big cutout of a bowl of cendol complete with representations of brown sugar and shaved ice and lovely writings of sweet nothings so apt in its place. i saw the next day, as i returned to read it, that she wasn’t supposed to write on the blue cendol bowl. how could i have committed the sin of not laughing, with her beside me, at something which to me is so funny. now that moment is gone.
how did i feel before she gave it to me? how did i feel as she brought it out? as i held it in my hand? did i see her disappear and re-appear again with that scrapbook, which seems to feel like something life-saving? has she sussed out everything about this my frequent lapse into and snapping out of blurness? i’m gonna treasure this all my life and im gonna employ the oft-used cliche that words are beyond me. but i wish i had that moment back. of realising something big was about to happen, to cherish it just 2 seconds longer than however long it lasted.
happy anniversary, su ann. i love u. here’s to many many many many many many many many manyyyyyyyyyyy more crazy & love-filled years together.
23 comments July 9th, 2007
