Always Your Favourite Girl
August 24th, 2007
friends are difficult things. there are so many conditions sometimes. i want to share with you guys a situation i have. right now in my core group of friends, we have a friend who for some reason or other doesnt like to spend time with us. when we call her out for drinks or movies or even for partying, we are rejected with naught but a flippant ‘no thanks’. and this is barely a new habit. i used to get really angry at this friend, not understanding why she chooses to snub us like that all the time, in addition to really scathing and downright insensitve remarks often flung our way.
i boycotted her for a while. didnt bother calling and didnt bother being nice. as it turns out, she didnt even realize that was happening - that’s how little she and i interact despite being supposed close friends. i told some of our friends about this, about how angry i was at her, but instead i was told not to backstab her. i was like, what the fuck? what is this pre-school ‘backstabbing’ shit you speak of? it’s just that as friends, you’re supposed to want to care about each other and to spend time together, right? not this friend though, who i think can sometimes truly believe that no one else but her has feelings, and can go on for months on end without bothering to contact us. and it’s not that she has other friends she prefers to see; most of the time she turns us down to hang out at home or because she wants to sleep early, for crying out loud.
anyway these people who said i was ‘backstabbing’ her eventually started getting pissed off at her as well. and suddenly, because i could see all this happening around me now, i saw how narrow minded i was being previously. as a friend, if someone chooses not to hang out with us, maybe the problem lies with us and not the individual? maybe we are such crummy friends that even the telly is better company. or maybe she was going through a low period where she just didnt feel social. did we think about that? no. all we could think about was how we felt when we were being turned down for drinks or a girls night out.
i remember having a conversation with her once about how our circle is rather annoying to hang out with. she brought up many points that i couldnt help but agree with. in the midst of my above revelation about how narrow minded i was previously being, i flashbacked to this conversation; suddenly i knew why she had so much distaste for hanging out with our bunch. but naturally we didnt see that when we were being pissed off at her; we only blamed her but did not bother to reflect on what sort of company we were providing.
i suppose what i’m trying to say is that this friend wasnt the only bad friend. we were being bad friends as well for congregating and complaining about her to each other, when what we should have been was understanding and inclusive all the way.
the focal point of disapproval has sort of shifted over the past few weeks. someone new in the circle is being complained about now for the same reason of always turning us down for selfish purposes. lest i be marked with the stupid accusation of ‘backstabbing’, i am choosing to keep silence this time around. but yet i’m still unsure who is wronger; the selfish person or the unaccomodating friends? it’s a little bit like the case where someone from the circle gets a new boyfriend and suddenly stops spending time with her friends, and all her friends get angry and stop including her in their plans. so who’s wrong - the girl who left her friends, or the friends who dont find it in themselves to love their friend unconditionally?
i was initially going to close comments for this post because it is really just a ramble, but now i want to hear your opinion on this topic. just say whatever. i want to hear it. maybe it will help me understand my situation with this friend a little bit better.
she once called me to say she missed me, and we talked about gucci bags and our plans for the future for a good hour or so. i think to date that is probably one of the conversations i’ve had that i cherish the most.
Entry Filed under: Rants
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