Always Your Favourite Girl
August 24th, 2007
friends are difficult things. there are so many conditions sometimes. i want to share with you guys a situation i have. right now in my core group of friends, we have a friend who for some reason or other doesnt like to spend time with us. when we call her out for drinks or movies or even for partying, we are rejected with naught but a flippant ‘no thanks’. and this is barely a new habit. i used to get really angry at this friend, not understanding why she chooses to snub us like that all the time, in addition to really scathing and downright insensitve remarks often flung our way.
i boycotted her for a while. didnt bother calling and didnt bother being nice. as it turns out, she didnt even realize that was happening – that’s how little she and i interact despite being supposed close friends. i told some of our friends about this, about how angry i was at her, but instead i was told not to backstab her. i was like, what the fuck? what is this pre-school ‘backstabbing’ shit you speak of? it’s just that as friends, you’re supposed to want to care about each other and to spend time together, right? not this friend though, who i think can sometimes truly believe that no one else but her has feelings, and can go on for months on end without bothering to contact us. and it’s not that she has other friends she prefers to see; most of the time she turns us down to hang out at home or because she wants to sleep early, for crying out loud.
anyway these people who said i was ‘backstabbing’ her eventually started getting pissed off at her as well. and suddenly, because i could see all this happening around me now, i saw how narrow minded i was being previously. as a friend, if someone chooses not to hang out with us, maybe the problem lies with us and not the individual? maybe we are such crummy friends that even the telly is better company. or maybe she was going through a low period where she just didnt feel social. did we think about that? no. all we could think about was how we felt when we were being turned down for drinks or a girls night out.
i remember having a conversation with her once about how our circle is rather annoying to hang out with. she brought up many points that i couldnt help but agree with. in the midst of my above revelation about how narrow minded i was previously being, i flashbacked to this conversation; suddenly i knew why she had so much distaste for hanging out with our bunch. but naturally we didnt see that when we were being pissed off at her; we only blamed her but did not bother to reflect on what sort of company we were providing.
i suppose what i’m trying to say is that this friend wasnt the only bad friend. we were being bad friends as well for congregating and complaining about her to each other, when what we should have been was understanding and inclusive all the way.
the focal point of disapproval has sort of shifted over the past few weeks. someone new in the circle is being complained about now for the same reason of always turning us down for selfish purposes. lest i be marked with the stupid accusation of ‘backstabbing’, i am choosing to keep silence this time around. but yet i’m still unsure who is wronger; the selfish person or the unaccomodating friends? it’s a little bit like the case where someone from the circle gets a new boyfriend and suddenly stops spending time with her friends, and all her friends get angry and stop including her in their plans. so who’s wrong – the girl who left her friends, or the friends who dont find it in themselves to love their friend unconditionally?
i was initially going to close comments for this post because it is really just a ramble, but now i want to hear your opinion on this topic. just say whatever. i want to hear it. maybe it will help me understand my situation with this friend a little bit better.
she once called me to say she missed me, and we talked about gucci bags and our plans for the future for a good hour or so. i think to date that is probably one of the conversations i’ve had that i cherish the most.
Entry Filed under: Rants
43 Comments Add your own
1. Artificially Tim Tam | August 24th, 2007 at 4:40 am
I dunno if there can really be a main culprit behind the abandoning of friends. I find in the case of a group not including a certain friend in their plans anymore would be a change of mindset rather than them being ‘wrong’. Friendship is a two way thing and communication is always essential. There’s just too many assumptions made behind each others’ backs which just breeds more misinformation and contempt and just ends in the loss of a friend for a long long time. Being in a group, the sentiment of the collective is more easily swayed to that direction as well.
So i guess i’ll say no one’s wrong but just that both parties choose not to try communicating in a different way rather than just complain behind each others’ backs… However i find this problem normally associated to groups as everyone tends to ostracize a member once there is tension in the group to avoid breaking the ‘peace’ within a group…
there’s more to my opinion but i guess 4.30am blues and the fact that this comment is fast turning into a thesis will have me end here :)
2. Michelle | August 24th, 2007 at 5:45 am
Well, I’m the kind of friend who will turn down invitations to go somewhere. To be honest, I don’t think I’m selfish at all. My friends could go on without me and it’s not like I’m a compulsory thing in their lives. I mean, hey! Friends come and go. And the best thing is not to stick with just a same clique! I used to be in a clique and it’s really suffocating. In fact, they smother me with all the concerns they have until I feel so constricted in a region when I’m hanging out with them.
I mean, if I choose not to go out with them, it’s not like they are going to lose out or something. In turn, I’m going to miss out the fun stuff they did!
But it’s a rather personal choice you see, to go out with them or not and whether to keep in touch or not.
And in friendships, being selfish is a term, for me, to describe friends who wouldn’t share anything at all. About communication, you can’t really say if a friend is selfish when she doesn’t contact you. Maybe she’s busy or like you say, prefer to sleep early.
3. Nicholas | August 24th, 2007 at 6:26 am
It’s jz a matter of respect ….as frens, it’s always the sincerity tat counts rite? rather than the amount of “hang-out” time i believe….mutual respect should be shown and everything;s gonna be fine….dun worry
4. alvin | August 24th, 2007 at 6:36 am
i think you have a bunch of really good frens who will remind you not to ‘backstab’ or jump to conclusion too soon. We all probably have too much of our own share of friends who would just pour oil into the fire whenever a gossip or backstabbing sessions get started.
Sometimes i get carried away or not thinking right and i want to be reminded.
5. prawn | August 24th, 2007 at 7:31 am
Hmm… me thinks that she knows ur the very social type & can mix with anybody. She on the other hand may not be like you & chooses who to be frenz with. In order not to hurt you by showing her ’sour face’ when she goes out with ur friends, she just choose not to participate in ur activities =)
Also for me, ‘backstabing’ is when u tell EVERYONE abt her behaviour. Its ok to bent out ur frustration with maybe 1 or 2 ppl BUT not all ur friends. As humans, we tend to follow wat other ppl think of others, if you get wat i mean =)
In the end, she’s just being a good fren, giving u ur space & NOT ignoring or watever u had in mind =P
p/s: just realize its been like 3 months since i left a comment our ur blog & this is my 1st long comment i ever written =P
6. sheon | August 24th, 2007 at 8:29 am
the last paragraph tells me that she actually does care about the friendship between you and her. maybe she just doesnt feel comfortable with the big group, i’m not saying that she might dislike a particular person in the group, maybe she just likes sessions with a smaller group of frens.
priorities between individuals are different, …spend time with gf/bf? spend time with buddies?…the dilemma.
but, if a member of the group is pressured to join the outing for the fear of being ridiculed if he/she doesnt, then i think its time for a heart to heart chat between you all dee.
my advise it this…understand why a group member decided to snub, or habitually snubs the group, instead of crucifying him/her blindly, that will only push him/her away further.
7. Gin | August 24th, 2007 at 10:40 am
=) being good friends doesnt necesarilly mean always hang out together mar.. sometimes like me i feel discomfort being in big groups or occasionally around new people.. YES LA. the social antisocial lar ;p ..
but then there’s this small group of people who you may not always see but they will always be there for you no matter what unlike those u hang with all the time but when you need them they just dissapear and diss you if like say you had a bf and rarely went out with them =/
okay. i also dunno what am i babbling about. its too early for a holiday morning “=_=
8. Lisa | August 24th, 2007 at 11:12 am
i kinda think friends should have a heart to heart talk sumtimes..u knw,maybe they felt neglected in a way and needs special attention(without the whole group tho).Backstabbing is not the word to be used.Ur jz being concerned and straightforward so its ntg wrong to tell her how u feel about her persistent absense and listen to wut she has to say.Friendships like relationships are supposed to be built with trust,honesty and understanding.
Tho she might hv outgrew ur group and needs time on her own or with a new group of ppl tht she fees more comfortable with.what matters now is how comfortable ur friend is with either group.She has the freedom to be with who she likes rite?
shes nt being snubby,my dear.dont fret anymore ;)
.u missed her ^_^ so y nt gv her a call n find out wuts new? be initiative.make ur move first.she might be waiting ;)
9. amymaria | August 24th, 2007 at 11:25 am
im kind of person who always turn down the invitations
im hv been hanging at home n families for nearly 3-4 mths already. every sat my good fren will call me out for drinks n been rejected by me ..w all excuses i can give n make ( not tat try to lie at her but just dont wan her to dissapoint w me ) coz i really dont wan to go out ..
WHY? coz i think wasting my time drinking / chatting nonsense .every weekend meet where got so many news to report n share ?? better stay at home watch tv or reading blog / news …or sleep early ( get ur pjamas n lied on sofa…wau ..v v comfort n relax la) ..
n also bcoz always hanging w same bunch of ppl v bored .
n last week i was upset by a fren asking wat happen to me ..why not going out w them …actually nothing wrong w me ..i just wan to be at home
never tot there is so many aliens like me out there ..cheers to u hahahah..
10. Jeff from LA | August 24th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
I kind of agree with your friends’ advice, that maybe you should not give up on her completely, or at least not to burn your bridges until you find out why she doesn’t want to hang out with you guys anymore. (This is the type of advice I’m sure would be extremely hard for me to follow).
The reason why I think you shouldn’t give up on her is that she might be shunning you guys not because of any animosity because of you, but perhaps because someone else in your group makes her feel uncomfortable.
I think the key is trying to find out why before you do anything that could end your friendship. Perhaps I offer such cautious advice because I find that I regret losing friendships more than I regret losing anything else.
Anyway, I believe you tend to have good instincts, so do what you feel is right.
11. pau | August 24th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
your friend sounds a lot like me, actually. i get along with people pretty easily (or so i’d like to think) but when it comes to hanging out all the time, i’m not really that type. sometimes it’s too overwhelming for me … or maybe i even get too anxious while hanging out with people, even if they are friends and i’m pretty comfortable around them. most times though it’s just that i have this affinity for being alone … and the only person that’s really exempt from that is my girlfriend.
i’ve lost a lot of friends this way, actually. it makes me really sad to think that. they jump to the conclusion that i think i’m too good for them or that i’m just no fun. it hurts, but it’s understandable i guess that they think that way. in reality, of course i’m being a little bit selfish not going out with my friends all the time but it’s not because i don’t like them or it’s not that i don’t want to be there for them as a friend … it’s just that like … i can’t do drinks and parties and go out all the time .. it makes me feel uneasy .. kind of inexplicable. if a friend needed me to be there for them and it wasn’t just like “hey, let’s hang out” of course i wouldn’t tell them “no, thanks” but im guilty for saying those kinds of things when asked out for fun all the time.
maybe it’s because when i was little my mom never let me go out with my friends and stuff, so i got used to saying no to kids and spending time alone lol … sigh. this is like a novel of a comment su ann im sorry!
it’s good to see the other side of this kind of relationship … thanks pinkpau (heart)
12. Michael | August 24th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
i always did that. Angry of friends who never turn out when invited. Never did i realised that maybe they have some other reasons or problems. My bad.
Its just natural for people to criticise others without looking in themselves. Maybe we are just too selfish. It really feels bad when someone rejects ur invitation for some fun. Should be more considerate, yeah~
13. Shen | August 24th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Hi gal,
In time you’ll realise that friends comes and goes. !Frustrating or deny as much as you want that you’ll spend as much time as possible with your friends and you’ll have the liveliest, life fulfilling network anyone can ever have. Nevertheless.. People change as they grow, as when they experience and pick up new friends, hobbies, activities and a whole new work life along the yellow brick road. Time becomes scarce & pricesless as you age. Remember.. it’s not just you, but everyone around you and it’s “I choose” to.. hang out with my friends.. my family.. my time for my activity.. and so goes for your friends as well. And if you meet up again, trust me there’ll be more interesting things to talk about and bonds strengthens knowing that eventhough you both hadn’t much time to share for each other, but the friendship remains. Priceless. All in all, respect and seek to understand before to be understood. -Shen-
14. ven | August 24th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
i’ve always tell myself if that fren couldn’t care less to keep in touch, let it be. it’s just as good as hi bye fren. i know i cant count on this one in future.
do not let these people ruin your day. they’re selfish. if u have 50 frens, are you able to catch hold with 50 of them every month? every quarter? every half yearly?
if they don’t care, why should you care :)
p.s.do make sure there are good reasons why they behave like that in the first place
15. Lydia | August 24th, 2007 at 4:28 pm
I think there is a certain type of friend who enjoys the one-on-one company with her good friends, instead of having to go out in groups with all of them at the same time. There are a lot of reasons for this but one of the most plausible ones I can think of is that she probably feels she is unable to devote her attention to all the flurry conversations that would take place if you are going out in groups. I still always try to ask my friends out even if I know I would probably be rejected. At least I did my part :)
Then again, I also think it is perfectly normal to be unable to talk to my friends for a long spell. It is true that we all sometimes get to caught up with the things in our lives, so it is really sweet for someone to pick up the phone and admit that we missed each other. After all, how many of us actually made time for that occasional phone call to a long lost friend.
16. reallybites | August 24th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Hi! :D
If I turn down my friends right, I’ll give either one of these 3 reasons – Busy , Not feeling social (the popular one this summer) and Lazy.
Of course I don’t pull the lazy one on friends I haven’t seen for a long long long time.I remember I got so upset some time ago when a friend who was about to leave told me that she is lazy to drive through the horrendous kl jam to meet up with me for one last time.Anyways, after she left, I received a letter from her(she posted it before flying off wtf so not fair!!!). I forgot what it was about di but I remember typing out a long ass angry very drama very angry reply in email to her but for some reasons I did not send it.I saved it in the draft folder of my inbox.And it’s still in the draft folder of my inbox I think or I probably deleted it di.
i just realize…what i typed is not related to ur post at all lo!
Anyways I’m really glad I did not send the email lo.And as for that friend, I have not seen her since she left.The last time we chatted was over a year ago I think and neither of us brought up the letter thingi. But if she calls me up when shes back saying she wants to meet me, i’ll meet up.
I used to make some efforts to meet up with friends who are back for hols etc but not anymore coz I just don’t care anymore.I still meet up with some yearly coz they will inform me that they are back and they want to see my face haha.
Talk to your friend or something lo.There are always two sides to every story lo.
17. Jun | August 24th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
it’s good tht u can see from an “outsider”’s pt of view how u were regarding this fren of urs when frens in ur circle started feeling the same. as ppl grow older, their priorities change, and u may find tht ur circle of frens (not necessarily the ones u always hang out with) get smaller every year. even close-knit ones hardly have time to hang out esp if they’re separated by time and place (i’m sure u have frens who’ll be gng overseas and u’ll eventually find tht ur frens will be scattered around the globe). frens dun hav to hang out all the time, but i do agree it’s crucial to keep in touch– and there are many ways to do so, like calling u up, for instance :)
u were traveling for quite a while with martian, and perhaps u may have also missed out on catching up with ur frens, but i’m sure being with martian was ur priority then, just like watever priorities this fren of urs had when she refused to hang out with u guys.
most imp thing in maintaining frenships is to keep an open mind abt why things happen the way they did. at least then u wudn’t feel so upset/hurt by it :)
18. ashleighhhh | August 24th, 2007 at 7:31 pm
your post gave me this kinda epiphanic sensation. it made me stop and say to myself, “fuck, is this how i’ve been like?”
i’m a very blunt and straighforward person. being aware of this, i just had to stop and think about how i’ve been to people, and how people have been treating me.
really good and close friends are fucking hard to come by, for me at least. this made me think even more, cuz i really love my bunch of friends now.
thanks for reminding me
so many times we get so caught up with things, and the first natural thing to do is to point a finger. and most of the time, it doesnt occur to me that when i’m pointing a finger, my other three fingers are pointing back at me, that the problem may lie in me instead. yeah, its lame, i know. but thats what someone thought me when i was young, and reading this post just reminded me of that.
hope everything will be fine wit yall.
your post sorta made my day.
19. songjun | August 24th, 2007 at 8:32 pm
lol berlambak comment comment i nampak
i thought u had this revelation before?
20. fern | August 24th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
….
woah,really terasa
i think i’ve lost count on how many times i’ve been through this situation already.
i don’t think anyone’s at fault. I think that we (young people) constantly change our idea of what is maturity. And sometimes an idea of maturity may keep a social life at the back of our minds just so we can chase some goals and dreams. So i don’t think it neccesarily means a friendship has turned sour, i just think the friendship was temporarily forgotten to make room for a bigger picture. (and maybe laziness in certain cases)
Because one day, two old friends can always bump into each other and say “Omg, it’s been SO long!!”
i don’t think anyone can stop loving a friend, even if they’ve changed :)
21. ionStorm | August 24th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
sounds like a regular case of introvert vs extrovert.
introverts feel refreshed when spending time alone or just with one person. extroverts however feel refreshed when spending time with a group.
i also agree with some of the comments. she might not be very comfortable with the group you hang out with, but she probably likes the time she spends with you. just you.
i’m mostly introvert, and a little extrovert. usually i don’t want to see anyone, or maybe just one person but somedays i just reaaally want to go out with my group of friends.
22. aya | August 25th, 2007 at 12:55 am
i’m the kind that would go all out on an invitation, even if i don’t feel like it. rarely turning down offers. :( it makes me feel so tensed up during those outings, but still putting up a smile. reason being, i didn’t want to be left out from these outings. maybe it’s a silly way to fit in, but i wanted to capture those moments that might last a lifetime too badly.
on the other hand, i think girls make the worst best friends. there’s always too much assumptions going on. and before you know it, there’s a rumour spreading like wild fire.
i’ve learnt that.. screw best friends. you only need one or two. others can just be.. friends. too much drama is exhausting.
guy friends, on the other hand, make the best pals. they don’t feel sad over not asking them out. they won’t feel annoyed if you looked prettier.
but the only thing you need to worry, is the possibility of him falling for you, or.. the rage of the girlfriend la. hahahaha
but then again, lately, a girl can fall for a girl too. the trend is spreading.. =/
23. george | August 25th, 2007 at 3:23 am
who needs friends anymore when you have the internet??!
haha
well i guess the group of friends should always try to talk with the stray member instead of jumping to conclusions..that way everything will be revealed
24. Wan Siong | August 25th, 2007 at 4:51 am
Ahh~~ Used to be high school problems..
They dont happen anymore as we gradually age..
Because later in life, we’ll have mutual respect for each other..
Anyway, when we die, we’ll die alone..
You dont want them to “backstab” even when you’re dead coz u cant attend any of their outing our party rite?
So enjoy the company you can get instead of fussing for more..
25. foreverjas | August 25th, 2007 at 10:00 am
its jz sucks. a good friend backstab me. cuz she thinks tht im’ takin advantage on her when i ask her bout assignments??!! and i score all distinction like her?thta makes two of us?! why life need to be so tough su ann. i’m so down. i know i should jz ignore the shit of her, but i jz can’t.its not my fault,wht should i do? u’re like Dear Thelma . haha. Dear Su Ann, or Pink Pau.
26. heartless bunny | August 25th, 2007 at 7:49 pm
im in math class right now but here i am leaving comments in ur blog XD
err..seems like there’s a lot of people out there like me =.=’
i used to always do that.turning down invitations.especially during highschool years.i’d turn out every invitation of hanging out,often just so that i could read at home XD
i dont think it’s for selfish reasons.i prefered to stay at home because the bunch of people i hung out with plain waste their time.doing absolutely nothing.go out,drinks,talk craps,n they did this every freaking day.nothing gain,losing precious time.therefore i enjoyed my solitary life.having books as my company.
so i guess,before u got angry at such friend [unless they were rude ungrateful git],just try to view things from him/her angle.what couldve make them isolate themselves.maybe they have their own problems,or the problems could also lie in the people he/she hung out with.
whatever it is,just accept them for who they are with no hard feelings.maybe they need time,maybe they just enjoy being alone,1001 reasons.there will be time when they felt like enough being in the coccoon.when that time comes,u dontve to worry looking for them.they will look for u ;)
27. Karyn | August 25th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
Friends. Must always think about each other.
28. migz | August 26th, 2007 at 12:01 am
why make things so complicated?
29. Michael | August 26th, 2007 at 1:01 am
seems like theres two parties here~ the
“the bunch that organizes gatherings and make invitations” and
“some who like to turn down invitations to have some time alone for any reason”
long name though =.=” cant think of better.
30. raZZbeRRy | August 26th, 2007 at 1:27 am
I recall once when I was reluctant to hang out with this girl and her gang, I would give plenty of excuses to not join them for outings whatsoever. I didn’t mind meeting up with her, one-to-one, but somehow, I had reservations about meeting up with the whole bunch. The simple reason was because we had different mentality and mindsets, and clashing personalities, and while they enjoyed doing nothing that constituted as something, I’d rather stay home or just hang out with some close friends.
Perhaps you are looking too deep into the matter. Speak to her, and ask her to find out where the problem truly lies. Maybe your friendship will end up stronger than how it originally started off with.
And I don’t think you were “backstabbing” if you were genuinely concerned about her.
Good luck, and I hope everything turns out well for you!
31. Jeff from LA | August 26th, 2007 at 8:20 am
*threadjack*
I noticed that your right hand panel says that you just saw Bourne Ultimatum. How did you like it?
32. nickie | August 26th, 2007 at 8:23 am
was gonna tell u i’m kinda like that girl friend of yours, then i scrolled down to the comments and found many similar situations and many suggestions so i guess i’ll keep it real short.
i believe she has her reasons to not wanna hang out with the whole bunch. could be like what she once told u (tht ur group was a bit annoyin to hang out with), or somethg of tht sort, or it could be she’s just an introvert in nature. prefer having more space to herself. which is perfectly normal dont u think? u can’t expect evy single 1 of ur core group of friends to be the same, can u?
ooops its getting long. well. just dont single her out cuz she’s different. there’s no right or wrong or who’s wronger. just accept the way ur friends are, and love them just the same. =) cheers.
33. sarah | August 26th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
some people just don’t like being in big groups. that’s what girlfriends are for. a real friend would understand that and not ostracize her because she’s more introverted than everyone else and love her for it instead
34. foreverjas | August 26th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
life’s tough though . . .
35. mm | August 26th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
i agree with migz, don’t have to make things so complicated lah. if she doesn’t want to go out, fine, respect that. catch up with her one-to-one, give her a call . (i.e. if you still want to be her friend)
36. pinkpau | August 27th, 2007 at 12:34 am
wow so many long comments! thanks so much everyone for the feedback :)
artificially : i think in our case there was no change of mindset – more of we just got tired of being treated like that. i think both parties (us and her) have too much pride, hence neither wants to make the first step in reconciliation. yeah that breaking peace aversion thingy is totally true. happens all the time with us.
michelle : well i think it’s selfish if one calls oneself someone’s friend, and then dont bother to keep in contact or regularly check if their so called friends are doing okay. the turning down invitations is one thing, but plain not being concerned is another. about the clique thing, well i suppose your friends may have gone overboard with sharing their problems, but sometimes people just want a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on.
nicholas : ya but in this case there is no sincerity at all even when we’re being turned down. it’s not like oh i cant come because i’ve got an important event, but more like, oh i cant come cos im lazy.
alvin : but i was not backstabbing! which is why i was so shocked when my friend said that to me. i hardly think it is wrong for me to feel angry and hurt over this incident, and to want to share this problem with my other friends.
prawn : that’s a good point you bring up, but she’s the type who would have no qualms abt showing sour faces if she’s not happy. i think the effort of showing up is probably too much for her. and i dont know if the giving me space is a good thing; there is such a thing as too much space. i just get the feeling she doesnt care.
sheon : yea i have tried to understand it. also tried to talk to her about it but she simply said she didnt like hanging out with us. it was just so blunt, u know. im so pissed off im contemplating brushing her off the way she does us; but then again, friends dont do that do they.
gin : it’s not just about hanging out. but this person doesnt bother to even call or check up on us after long periods of not speaking to each other. i dunno lah i just dont think friendships should be like that.
lisa : too much pride to make the first move. argh.
amymaria : haha you are just like my friend then. so here’s a question; what if one day you find yourself with no friends anymore because of this behaviour that u exhibit. then what? you wouldnt mind either?
jeff : that’s good advice, but it’s just soooooo pissing off sometimes that i cant help but feel i’ve had enough of this. i dont think it’s a problem she has with a particular person, but more of a phase she’s going thru that she has to deal with herself. i just wish she’d let us help.
pau : yeah i know what u mean, i get like you soemtimes; wanting to be alone and all. but being a friend isnt just about hanging out with others, but also being concerned and caring about what they’re going thru. my friend’s not like that; she doesnt even bother sometimes. how about you?
michael : sigh yeah im trying to learn that too. there’s always a reason.
shen : i dont like this friends come and go thing. it’s pretty irresponsible especially since we’re all so close. yeah i guess in the end it’s all a choice thing. maybe i just need to get over my disdain for her choices in particular.
ven : i donno.. i think as a friend i should persevere in trying to maintain the friendship, more so since the other person is not doing her part.
lydia : she’s not like that :) she copes well in big social situations
reallybites : aiyo your friend must have thought you didnt really want to see her and hence didnt mind if she canceled. that must have really hurt for u, tho. i can only imagine! ya definitely two sides to every story. but very shy to ask =(
jun : yeah i got a lot of shit from my friends about spending too much time abroad with martian and as a result not hanging out with them enough. but the difference is that i felt guilty about it and always made sure i emailed or texted or called. and i was always excited at the prospect of hanging out with them when im back. she on the other hand is not like that. i do try often to figure out why she doesnt wanna hang out with us, but i hit walls all the time. ultimately it’s quite futile and the only worthwhile thing to believe is the truth straight from the horse’s mouth
ashleighhh : glad to be of service :)
songjun : ya but then now got new stories.. haha. so realized it all over again.
fern : you made a really good point about our constantly evolving ideas of maturity :) i think that is exactly the case here.
ionstorm : i wish i could agree with you but no :P she doesnt actively seek out time to spend alone with me. also, she’s not an introvert. maybe a little private but not introverted
aya : you and i are totally in the same boat; trying to do everything just so that we dont miss out :) yea genuine girlfriends can be hard to come by these days.
george : we have on a few occassions but she either denied stuff or was nonchalant about it. haha! the internet is god’s #1 gift to mankind
wan siong : i happen to think that friendships are worth fussing for, and i also happen to think that if something is wrong, you shouldnt just sit there and tell urself to accept it. cos thats just lazy.
foreverjas : there will always be selfish kiasu ppl :) so dont ask her for stuff anymore.
heartless bunny : that is exactly what im trying to do- accepting her for who she is, and accepting that she just doesnt care abt us as much as we care abt her. sigh. but it’s just hard. very one-sided friendship.
karyn : agreed
migz : because i care
razzberry : i have asked her about it, and she did mention that our clique is just annoying to hang out with sometimes. i guess we all have to learn to accept that, and to change if we really want to preserve our rship with this girl. thank u for ur well wishes :)
jeff : loved it. thought it was very exciting and had one of the best fight scenes i’ve ever seen
nickie : yes im trying to accept that we (i) cant always impose our expectations of friends on other people. i suppose that’s not very kind or very realistic. =( sigh.
sarah : i would like to be that real friend. hopefully i can be.
mm : again, i make it ‘complicated’ because i care. and also because i’m hurt and i want to know what i should do as a result of that.
37. Albert Ng | August 27th, 2007 at 1:27 am
The way you use boycott is so cute it undermines the seriousness of the word.
By any chance, is she a Sagi? Not that I’ve ever been one big on horoscopes, just wondering.
Also, how frequent is frequent? There are people I can hang out with every two days (but absence is alright, unless we got stories to tell), and chicks I’ve gone out with which I don’t mind not seeing for over a week.
Personally, I LOVE one-on-ones. Having a third person means a lesser scope of personal stories that can be shared.
38. Miss P | August 27th, 2007 at 2:51 am
I used to have a friend like that. She did not appear to care or bother to call us(me and my other friends). We always thought that she was an air head until one day after a picnic gathering, she sent me home and I sort of brought up the topic with her. I asked her why she seldom want to go out to hang out with us, or why she didn’t bother calling us.
It turned out that she actually tried but the timings were inappropriate and we didn’t really give her a chance to explain herself. I was glad that I “confronted” her because now we are such good friends and I would have never known the outcome if I didn’t actually try to talk about it with her.
39. sheon | August 27th, 2007 at 8:16 am
well, then i think her problem is that she lacks courtesy :)
40. amymaria | August 27th, 2007 at 11:58 am
yeap, i did think of that before but never afraid for that ..coz i used to be alone ..( as others said depends how my frens know the meaning of frenship) ..sometimes i think fren is only to be used for each others ..but im not bias to hv frens ..only sometimes not feel to social …
n i still hv my family around ,u can said im selfish but who cares i love being w my family n i feel more comfortable w them ..
sometimes why some ppl v closed to their frens / or v socialize w frens coz they dont feel fun or comfortable w their families..they dont know how to hv conversation w them …depends on what kind of families u been raised up…for me, individual personalities are very much coz by what kind of environment u lived before
41. Ringo | August 27th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
About the friend who gets a new boyfriend and suddenly stops spending time with her friends, first of all you need to find out if it’s the boyfriend who doesn’t like her doing so (which she stupidly obeys), or she’s so temporarily infatuated and blinded by her new found love. First one is difficult. Second one will fade as time goes by. She’ll realize friends are still the best asset she’ll ever have. Now the question is, how to handle a possessive boyfriend of your favorite girl friend? :)
42. alexis | August 28th, 2007 at 11:33 am
friendship lies in the heart and not in just social interactions and outings. i usually turn down outings personally not because i dont like the group that invited me along, but due to the fact that when people gather, they tend to talk way out of their league and ended up hurting friends you would choose not to hurt. sometimes the problem lies also within the ring. when there’s a big group of girls, she may have felt that she was excluded or out of the place due to the number of people that had turned up and also the fact that she has no idea what you girls were talking about as she missed out many of the previous outings. perhaps she just realised that she prefers your company to yourself and not with a whole group of friends where she has no chance to chat with you alone. just maybe…
43. Gin | August 28th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
im like that ;p
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