Who’s Lexie?

i sat next to the one man who understood my moods best, my dad, and he had to all but open his mouth for 2 seconds and i was out the door in a flurry of blinked back tears and hurriedly grabbed things. i dont know what is it with me lately - it’s like every little thing upsets me. i broke a glass and started crying. i accidentally got UHU glue on my fingers and felt this burning fury, like i wanted to smear the glue all across the world. i looked at the toilet and thought, what a sad sad thing it must be to be a toilet. ass kisser. shit eater. puke canvas. jamban.

went to dinner alone and the expanse of the menu freaked me out. so many things. is it possible to have this many different pizza toppings? it was like a reverse claustrophobia, at the epicenter of which was me, and i could only see this ocean of happy yellow menu in all directions. i was treading panic and swallowing hopelessness. i ended up ordering 3 different pizzas and touching none; brought them back for my brothers who were lunchless this afternoon but now they are nowhere to be seen. clever boys. the house sucks. i would leave too if i were them.

met someone the other day. whether her speech was directed at me or not, the former of which was rarer, all the things she said angered me. it was total deja vu; i know the type - Machiavelli with doe eyes - and i cant stand it. i tried to like her, i really did, but why did she have to say things like that? red-under-green kind of things. it made me angry to have to sit there and listen to such armed talk, to have to be socially correct, to maintain poise, to be equally, if not more, red-under-green in return. to smile and to keep giving birth to conversation attempts, when i would have given anything to openly express my distaste for her and her breezy, conniving remarks, maybe even strangle her, without feeling bad or regretting it.

in the cab on the way home, i dug around my wallet for change. all i kept getting were singaporean coins. singaporean 20 cents, singaporean 50 cents, singaporean dollars. the worst and most exasperating of the lot were the singaporean 10 cents. where are all my malaysian coins? do i even have any? i should get some. and if so, today is the day i should do it. or so i keep saying. and saying. and saying, but never doing. or at least, doing it the right way, in the stuffing handfuls of lima puluh sen in my wallet kinda way.

right now, my hair smells like pepperoni. or milk. and like life, it is making me queasy. but unlike life, this queasiness can be washed away with a good bottle of Redken Smooth Down shampoo.

60 comments September 30th, 2007

For My Mont Kiara Guy

i’m sitting in a starbucks waiting for nothing. many 30 minutes have passed. surely by now, after the umpteenth block of half-pasts, i must have repaid my debt from that night two years ago. i have coffee now, but i dont have the indulgence of that deliciously impatient window of time before that someone i really want to see, comes to me. did we kiss when i entered the car? this wooden starbucks chair i’m sitting on, that is pressed to my shorts right now, doesnt know that it’s being pressed to the same pair of shorts from that night. what a shame.. such precious information that will forever be lost on the ignorance of this chair.

Su wrote on Julian Ng’s wall. 6:32pm

30 comments September 26th, 2007

The Lonely Plastic Plant

my mind feels like dust lately. i keep spooning it out of my head and onto the table, just to examine it at eye level and to make sure it’s all really there. then when i’m satisfied with the introspection, i spoon it all back into my head. but that’s on the good days. on the bad days, i purse my lips and blow at the stuff, scattering my own braindust everywhere and all over the room. the sight of it sticking to the windows like glitter, sparkling and teasing, is strangely pleasing. thus i find myself wishing for more bad days.

i’ve just returned from yet another weekend in Singapore. a highly-stressed one, because i kept thinking about my SAT Subject Tests that are due in two weeks’ time on the most awesome date of October 6. so what’s another reason for the brouhaha surrounding that date? Pakistan President Musharraf’s re-election. among other things :D

i was studying for Math (Level 2, god help me) and Literature in the bus on the way back. as i attempted to recall every single trigonometry tip and trick i ever learnt in high school, i was getting so terribly carsick, but i still forced myself to go on studying. just a little bit more, i thought miserably.

but then i looked at the Corean boy sitting across from me in the lounge, blue-socked feet up on the seat and reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. he looked very happy and very content. and i thought, why can’t i be like that? why do i stress so much about these things? it’s only the SATs. it’s only college. why do i have to aim for all the top schools? why cant i just be happy with second tier? why cant i just be happy, period?

but the truth is, i know the answer to all those questions - it’s because these stressful things involve the future, my future, and i want that future to be healthy and happy. giving it my all (albeit with a lot of fretting and worrying) at this point in time is but a small price to pay for an abundance of happiness in time to come. it’s an investment, and a very good one at that. yes, all these present-time little pleasures may seem so delicious, so tempting; and i cant help but feel very jealous each time i observe happy and relaxed people like Corean Boy who can afford to re-read the entire Potter series - but ultimately, it’s the commitment that matters. you cant succeed if you dont commit. you cant get anywhere if you’re interested only in temporary hedonism.

and, you cant have a future if you dont plan for one. or at least think about it. or talk about it. or at the very least, do something that shows it matters to you.

i woke up today to a text by Mean Boss. ya he’s very mean, very very mean actually. but it’s hard to stay angry at him. he’s so much like Martian in that way. sigh. men. cant scream at them, cant not scream at them. what’s a girl to do? cry, i suppose. cry a lot. i asked Martian yesterday if he thought i was a crybaby. i was expecting him to roll his eyes and say yes, but then he said NO. very pleasantly, too. hahahahahhaa i win i win i win. baby, if you’re reading this, i’m sorry i didnt want to share my strawberry cheesecake with you yesterday night :(

i always ask myself, why am i here? during the times i lie on my stomach staring at the flipping n’ flopping plastic plant, during the times i brush my teeth, during the times i’m staring morosely out the window of the cab, i always ask myself that. but at the end of the day, in the moments when we’re excitedly trading gossip about the people in our lives, or when i’m giving him the egg yolk from my soupy noodles and he’s giving me the mushrooms, or when we’re falling asleep holding each other.. in those moments, i always always know the answer.

32 comments September 24th, 2007

Punctuation

there is sleep, and then there is the lack of it. zombiefied is the word i’m looking for, in this heavy-lidded stupor and head-spinning terror. trudging along with my arms dangling limply at my sides seems like a strangely attractive idea right now. i dont even have to talk, i can just go urnnnnngghhhh and no one will care, because zombies arent expected to say anything else anyway. but i realize that despite this listlessness - this tiredness - i am experiencing an extremely heightened state of consciousness. how ironic, but yes, that is so. everything is like so fucking clear, and i’m just so aware of everything that’s going on around me. it’s like a mindtrip. i can see everything. the dimmest lights seem sharp. the softest sounds startle me. the smallest gestures sting. the littlest things hurt.

sometimes i wonder about ignorance. i wonder about stupidity. i wonder about simplicity. especially simplicity. it’s something that has evaded me all my life. i cant be simple no matter how i try to. all this overthinking, all this overmulling, all this overexaggeration, all this redundancy. all this opinions, all this seriousness, all this sensitivity. so bloody exhausting, but it’s clinging to me like sweat. i cant seem to shake it off, and the more i do, the more exhausting it is. i would really like to be a zombie right now.

so much i want to say, but i’m so tired. the Firefox 2.0.0.0.0.6 that Lance helped me install the other day is helpfully underlining in red all the words i’m spelling wrong in this post. even the words that lack an apostrophe are underlined in red. i hate it! my old Firefox version didnt have this Spelling Nazi stuff. i mean you know, it’s just a freaking apostrophe. apostrophe apostrophe apostrophe apostrophe apostrophe trophy entropy fowfee foffle ledoffle. i had to write all that junk cos the word apostrophe was starting to look like an unrecognizable word.

yea anyway my point is, that’s what i try to tell myself sometimes - that it’s just a freaking apostrophe. what’s the big deal? where’s the fire? just relax. take deep breaths. eat the mooncake your mother brought back. write an email, trim some toenails. then go to sleep, and wake up the next morning discovering that you’ve lost your heightened sense of consciousness.

wake up the next morning normal again.

September 21st, 2007

Bisou Cupcakes

when i tell people that my new workplace is at the Asian Heritage Row, they always think that it’s such a job perk to be working where all the clubs and bars are. that was what i thought too at first - that we could hit the clubs after an extra couple of hours at work, or that all our meetings would be held at the nearby bars.. but no no no, let me tell you what the best perk of working at the Asian Heritage Row is :P

it is Bisou!!!

i pass by Bisou every day on the way to work, and i’m always very attracted by the window display of pink and white cupcakes. yet, it took me one whole month before i finally went to check out the place! seriously, i think i would have been a much happier intern had i gone into Bisou sooner, because their cupcakes really and truly are the best cure to work-blues!

Bisou is a little shoppe that does cakes, cupcakes and cafe-like food such as salads, sandwiches and pot pies. it’s actually run by the same people who started Bijou, that poolside cafe/restaurant at Mont Kiara Damai; not that you couldn’t immediately tell, because the names and deco scheme are so similar! meaning ‘kiss’ in French, Bisou is supposed to be the more flighty and fun of the two, and according to their flyers, is set up to ‘bring out the naughty side in all of us’. yum yum :D

both the exterior and interior of Bisou oozes classy neatness. they’ve got a counter where they display the available cakes and cupcakes of the day, and it’s hard not to squeal at the array of delectable desserts. the variety is just perfect - not too little that you get bored, and not too much that you feel overwhelmed.

i’ve been joyfully going back to Bisou over the past few days just to sample their lovely cupcakes :D here are some of them :

Dark Secret - chocolate cupcake with dark chocolate icing. i REALLY love it. unlike many cupcakes out there, you can actually taste the ooey gooey chocolate in this one!

Love Me Tender - chocolate cupcake with peanut butter icing. good, but the one at Dlish is better.

Eye Candy - vanilla cupcake with lemon icing.

Nutella - chocolate cupcake topped with a generous amount of creamy Nutella! my other favourite, because anything Nutella is fabulous

Zest You Up - orange cupcake with orange icing. tasted okay only lah, but the piping of the icing is rather impressive! it looks like a rose O_O

cupcakes all go for RM 5 each. i really like the taste and texture of the different icing - it’s smooth and sweet, not that greasy buttery stuff that only looks pretty but does nothing for the taste. the cupcake itself is moist and soft with subtle flavour, which is great. they’re very generous with the icing too :D

there’s PLENTY of stuff that i have yet to try, for instance the banoffee pie, brownies and banana bread. i had the carrot cake at Bijou some time back, and here i assume Bisou serves the same one, but it’s no match for the carrot cake at Marmalade, which never fails to convert people to the love for carrot cake every single time :D

as for Bisou’s food, i’ve only had the creamy chicken pie and the mashed potatoes, and both were pretty darn good! what i’m excited to have are the sandwiches.

service here is fantastic :) the staff are very warm and friendly and very intuitive. haha and the funniest thing happened the first time i went to Bisou. i was taking photos of the food as per usual, and one of the waiters actually came over to ask if i was a BLOGGER. muahahahhaa it was the most awesome thing ever. being asked by the staff if i’m a food reviewer from a newspaper or a magazine is pretty common, but NEVER BEFORE IN MY LIFE have i been asked if i was a blogger. damn cool lah. that was the moment i knew i definitely had to blog about Bisou.. hahaha.

another reason why i like Bisou is the opening hours. they open till really late - 11pm on weekdays and 2am on Fridays and Saturdays, to cater to the clubbing crowd, and also to the late-night dessert-craving crowd i.e ME :P

i know i’m gonna keep going back to Bisou until i’m all cupcaked out. what to do lah, it’s so tempting and summore it’s just 5 steps away from the office. i wasnt kidding when i said the cupcakes make you happy; everytime i feel sad at work i just pop down for a cupcake and i’m all good again, ready to take on whatever shit the Boss throws at me. no lah no lah my boss very nice wan. except when he asks me to do things i dont want to do, like answer Help Desk questions wtf. i hate Help Desk!!!!! how can people have so many stupid questions to ask!!!!!!

die lah craving cupcakes now. eh you know what i wanna do.. i wanna do a compare and contrast of all the cupcakes in KL, seeing how they’re all over the place now. what a great excuse to buy cupcakes and to force all my friends to eat them together with me :D

Bisou
Asian Heritage Row
58 Jalan Doraisamy
50300 KL
Tel : 03-2697 0131
9am - 11pm (Tues - Thurs and Sundays), 9am - 2am (Fridays and Saturdays)
Closed on Mondays

59 comments September 16th, 2007