Double Boiled Soup

October 12th, 2007

there’s all this discomfort with shreds of suspicion wrapped over and over again in nicely folded sheets, like popiah. it is a deceptive presentation that even comes with a little bowl of dip - the insult that cant help but laugh at the injury; the salt that, as i write this, is having a most vulgar affair with the wound. teasing it, licking at its edges, searing it with pain, but ultimately, making sure it never heals.

the macabre remains of yet another disturbing dream are still all over me. i get that bitter taste of nightmare in my mouth each time i put my lips to a glass of water. what’s the word i’m looking for? discarded, like something left under piles of dirty laundry. irrelevant, like the answer i would have given but never did because i wasn’t asked. vindictive, like giving you a taste of your own medicine. ah, so many words, but so hard to pick the right one. it is however a situation that is good for Scrabble on facebook. i am triple-word-scoring my sleeplessness away.

i miss a lot of things and a lot of people. the poor decisions i make only serve to alienate me more and more from the ones that i love. but tomorrow i am meeting two of my favourite people in the world for Carls Jr’s chilli cheese fries, yay :) i am very excited. it’s always about the little things, isnt it? why do we always look for such big things to make us happy? why are things like chilli cheese fries never enough for us?

am lying on my stomach writing this. it kinda hurts. the carpet feels scratchy on my thighs. it itches. propping myself up on my elbows and realizing how comical this all looks. how stupid this all is. wait.. that’s right, that’s the word i’m looking for.. stupid.

there. so simple. and i had to stay up all night trying to figure out how i’m feeling.

Entry Filed under: Musings