Archive for November, 2007
tomorrow i’ll be sitting for what i hope are my last SAT papers. i swear i feel like i’ve been taking the SATs my whole life o_O but after saturday afternoon, there will be no more 2B pencils and no more feeling like my life exists in blocks of one hours! no more trying to squeeze 15 questions into y10 minutes! no more taunting figures of 800 bouncing around in my dreams!
er that is if i dont decide to take Physics in January.
:D *kiasu*
after my papers, it’s gonna be full speed ahead for my college applications. the amount of work there is to put in is so daunting :( essays after essays after personal statements after personal statements… geez. and just to put things into perspective, i’m not applying to 3 or 4 schools. or 5 or 6.
i’m applying to ………. 12 schools. yeah 12. just kill me lah :( the reason is because i didnt do any pre-U, and international students are generally required to have pre-university qualifications before applying to college in America. sigh to this day i still blame songjun for not MAKING me register for A Levels. so, i’m just hoping that by applying to more schools, i increase the chances of getting my academically underqualified butt into college. very slim chances lah but i will just hope for the best.
below are the 12 schools i’m applying to :
UPenn
Yale
U of Chicago
Cornell
Columbia
Dartmouth
Swarthmore
U of Michigan
Duke
NYU
Northwestern
Rochester
*exhales*
yeah i feel pretty miserable looking at the list already. LE SIGH. if anyone wants to volunteer information on any of the above schools, pleeeeeeease feel free to do so. your help and opinions would make me a very happy girl :)) and i would be the world’s MOST EXCITED person if any of you were to tell me that american colleges dont really give two hoots about pre-u qualifications (!!!!)… but for some reason i just dont think that’s happening :P
i’m actually really scared about this whole college thing. it all just seems so remote.. wasn’t it just yesterday that i was 14 and in the comfortable folds of high school? and i’m also sad that it’s December and i gotta spend the whole month on my applications. it’s a sacrifice i wouldn’t hesitate to make, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling sad about not being able to spend time with my friends who’re back in Malaysia for the winter/summer holidays. i’m missing out on a lot of trips too :( and not to mention on a lot of Christmas fun as well. while everyone gets to steep in the joy of cookies and carols and christmas shopping, i’ll be writing an essay for UChicago on the topic of tables :(
and i still am not able to sleep. WTF. if at this time tomorrow i’m still awake, i’ll be repeating my November SAT problem all over again - falling asleep during my Literature paper. arghghhghghgh
oh and Catastrophe alert : my house is out of Milo and instant noodles!!!!
November 30th, 2007
it was a long time ago. i opened the book and read the first page, perhaps a little too recklessly. there was a story on it - short, sweet and snowy. pause for some time-travel : i’m thinking back to that time at Toastmasters, the watered-down teh tarik, the elderly Grammarian, a guy called Fai, and me… me turning around to say, ‘yes?’ and then regretting it immediately. and now i’m back to the book in my hands, as i stand in front of a dust-collecting bookcase with a table behind me that in later years would become very special. a table that in later years would be given away, and i would never see it again. my last day there is hazy; i dont remember if i knew it was my last day there. but does it really matter? the couch stinks now, it reeks of green tank tops. my memory of the living room has become narrow-eyed and wary. i wish to forget it sometimes.
i had a dream the other night. in it, i was asking angrily, ‘do you want to get out of my house?’ and he said, ‘yes’. so i said, ‘okay, go.’ i dont know if he chose to go, because reality’s phone rang then, pulling me by the stomach out of my restless slumber and turning my nervous hypothalamus inside out until i was shocked awake - back in the world of the living and caffeinated, back in the world where phones ring at the most crucial moments of your dreams. i picked up the phone and saw that the caller was the person who may or may not have left my house. baby, i had a bad dream, i whispered. and he soothed me and calmed me all the way from there - that city with the ubiquitous traffic light sounds and the sloping slopey slope down to Queen’s Road Central - sending me his love and very, very obviously not leaving my house. thank you for not going.
i can see my toes from where i’m sitting, and i suppose that it’s a good and healthy thing to be able to see your toes. very much recommended by the experts! long live visible toes. but i fear that if the haze gets any worse, i wont be able to see them anymore. the air will be thick and dusty like the last time my brother ran combustion experiments in the oven and the whole apartment was filled with pizza-box smoke. sorta like haze, but the difference is that the person responsible for the pizza-box smoke (my brother) was sorry. but we flung our windows open anyhow.
went out with lynn and st and ivan for dinner yesterday. it was very good and i laughingly told them Waffle84’s 3 rules for buffet dinners. rule #3 was to not drink any water, but ivan blatantly defied this by grabbing my glass of strawberry juice and downing it, because i was wailing about wanting to change my drink (the strawberry juice was really bad, and each person only gets one glass to fill with whatever choice of beverage) but there was nowhere to empty the glass into. and apparently ivan thought the best place to empty it would be his stomach, and that’s what he did. for me! even if it meant breaking rule #3 and drinking vile fruit juice! awwww ivan. <3 chivalry is not dead because you’re alive. MWAH. happy belated birthday to a fabulous you :)
November 28th, 2007
things that were bad about this morning : my high school counselor stood me up for our 10am meeting, my new pair of flip-flops died, the beef ball noodle shop that i reeeeeally wanted to go to for lunch was closed, The Star’s skewed journalism regarding yesterday’s Hindraf rally, and my missing Reese Peanut Butter Cups tshirt. yes i have a Peanut Butter Cups tshirt. it’s very cute. Puppy gave it to me. and now it’s missing :(
but as is prone to happen, the morning took a turn for the better quite suddenly and unexpectedly :) i was in a cab on the way home from my meeting that didnt happen, a tad annoyed and extremely fatigued, when my cabbie’s mobile phone rang. it was his wife! and from the backseat, i could hear her screeching with mucho fervor over the phone. she was clearly very mad about something, but it was sooooo cute to watch the cabbie apologize and soothe his wife :P
his side of the conversation, which i was eavesdropping on with much glee : “aiyo.. sorry okay? don’t angry okay? wei… don’t angry lah… i know i’m wrong… yah i know i promised… yah i know promises are important… that’s why i’m sorry… please don’t be angry! you want lunch? i buy for you lunch.. okay what you want to eat? pau? porridge? noodles? what you want, i buy for you! har dont want anything? why? why you dont want to eat? you must eat! are you not eating because you’re angry at me? wei don’t like that lah… okay lah okay lah i come back and take you out for lunch okay? will that make you happy? okay okay i come back now.. bye bye. remember dont be angry ah!”
hahahahahahahhaa SO cute!
when he hung up, i asked him why his wife was so angry, and it turns out he was supposed to go back during his break at 6am to ……. take a nap. cos his wife is very concerned about his lack of sleep. isn’t that adorable! anyway he obviously didn’t go home, and i asked him why. and he sheepishly said that he went for coffee with a couple of cabbie friends. HAHAHA.
i then told him that his wife is very lucky to have a nice husband like him who’s so willing to apologize and comfort her. we girls, after all, like to be babied every now and then :) then he sighed and said, ‘what to do… i sayang her so much.’
awwwwwwwww. :))))) that just made my day. and so my morning became much, much, much better after that. even though the haze is back and i STILL haven’t found my peanut butter cups tshirt! @#$%^
haven’t been able to sleep lately. the thing is i AM SO tired, but i just cant seem to be able to sleep more than 4 hours these days. and that’s after going on without sleep for about 24 hours. if only this state of sleeplessness would increase my productivity, but no! it doesnt! in fact, i dont even feel like doing anything at all. sigh. all i want to do is eat ice cream and stare at the ceiling and try to sleep.
but i’ve been much happier these days. not jumping out of my skin kinda happy, but an almost nirvanic kinda happy. the people in my life have been going through a lot of things, and when they talk to me about it, they drop random bits of wisdom that i usually look at as cliches or easier-said-than-done.. but after some contemplation (in my sleep-deprived, sense-heightened state), i find that there is nothing truer than the most cliched of wisdoms. like, ‘all you can do is hope for the best’. ‘learn to let go’. ‘if you dont try, you’ll never know’. ‘we can’t expect everyone to be the way we want them to’. and, ‘prayer helps’.
i grew up a lot over the past weeks. i’ve learnt a lot of things - painful things that hurt me - and i’ve also learnt how to deal with them. i think my problem sometimes is that i worry too much about things, always needing to know what is going on, always needing to have my hand in the solution.. when at times the best thing to do is just STOP, and see that there is not a whole lot you can do about certain things.
so why worry? again, another cliche that i often dismiss. i used to - and to a certain extent still am - think that worrying is a good thing, because it shows that you’re thinking about your situation and trying to fix it or make sure it turns out okay, and if it things go bad, you are at least prepared for the blow and can deal with it effectively.
but that’s the problem i suppose. i try so hard to insulate and protect myself, always anticipating hurt and heartbreak, that i’ve come to see such things at every corner i turn. i flinch whenever something is handed to me because i immediately think there’s an ulterior motive, a trick up the sleeve, an illusion that i was silly enough to think was real. but that’s no way to live, is it? that’s no way to love, either. and you sure as heck dont have a lot of fun.
i’m still learning to let go. of things, and of myself.
i’m just very, very, very lucky and grateful to know that the people in my life will always be out there to catch me =) and to feed me cliched wisdoms whenever i need some.
November 26th, 2007
i recently met someone who said that bloggers are a difficult bunch to deal with. his exact words were, “bloggers these days are so damn demanding. they think just because they have a couple of hundred hits a day, everyone has to treat them like royalty or like some celebrity.”
and you know, it’s so damn true.
for the information of those who werent aware of this, i was working with Nuffnang for some time a couple of months back. so i got to see firsthand all that diva attitude some of our so-called ‘celebrity’ (and some not-so-celebrity) bloggers are capable of when it comes to making money from their blog. “where’s my ad???” is the number one question we field. and then giving them ads is not enough wan you know, must give them two stacked ads so that they can make double the amount per week. if not, they will complain and complain and complain till the cows come home.
first, there is the ‘celebrity’ blogger (i use this term with much pain) who gets a lot of traffic and whines about not getting ads. then, there is the blogger who gets less than 20 hits a day and also whines about not getting ads.
let’s talk about the greedy celebrity blogger first. granted, we dont have that many celeb bloggers, and luckily for us only very VERY few of them are divas. but these divas still exist. and to be honest sometimes i dont know why they are celebrity bloggers. they write like crap - quality that does not warrant the kind of ego they have - ie absolutely no substance or clarity in their writing, coupled with horrendous grammar and spelling. broken english everywhere, sometimes cant even spell the product name right. yet they keep talking about and marketing themselves as if they’re some kind of revolutionary new wave of media, capable of propelling your business to greater heights just with a link or two on their oh-so-famous blog. well, if you wanna have so HUGE an ego, at least have some goods to bring to the table besides rotten writing and an over-dependence on random pictures you ripped off the internet.
i just cant stand it when so-called celebrity bloggers get all smug about their supposedly more-popular-than-thou status, thinking they are better than all the ‘little bloggers’ out there who by the way WRITE MUCH BETTER THAN THEM ANYWAY -___- it’s like there is this huge cloud above their head that says, ‘i may have lousy english and writing skills but that’s okay because i’m a CELEBRITY BLOGGER, and i can hence tell YOU off for having bad english because YOU’RE not a celebrity blogger like ME.’ true story, people, true story. seriously lah there is nothing wrong with a blogger having bad english; in my opinion you dont need to have better language skills than everyone else to write a really good blog.. but i think it’s totally hypocritical, RUDE and delusional if someone with bad english thinks they can go around telling people how bad their english is simply because they are some sort of ‘celebrity blogger’. the lack of humility pisses me off so much. honestly, it does not the fuck matter that you have a gazillion hits a day and make a couple of thousand dollars from your blog if you are by nature a disgusting, greedy person with too big an ego and absolutely no integrity whatsoever.
these bloggers have made so much profit from Nuffnang, but when asked to go on a revenue share for certain projects, REFUSE TO DO SO. i am just so in awe as to how anyone can be so terribly ungrateful. is 30% so much to give up? would you even have that other 70% if it were not for Nuffnang? and to add to that, they have the nerve to keep demanding higher pay per advertorial even if it means Nuffnang makes less. like i said - disgusting, greedy and ungrateful.
and it’s not like these bloggers are the next in line for Pulitzers or something. these are blogs that are littered with random glowing reviews about lousy food and products, but are written anyway in the hopes of catching the eye of the involved businesses. these are blogs that are filled with advertorial after advertorial with no substance in between. and it’s become all about being famous and making money and getting free food. what’s the point in having a blog like that? what’s the point in being so proud of a commercial blog that hides behind a pseudo-personal front? have you no shame that you are so smug about being the face of the Malaysian blogosphere and yet maintain a blog that is just out to make a quick buck?
the perfect example of nice and down-to-earth celebrity bloggers are Kenny Sia and Suanie. despite his monster-sized daily traffic that could populate a small country, Kenny has got to be one of the most humble and approachable celebrity bloggers i have ever met. if anyone has a right to be a diva blogger, it is him, but he simply doesnt pull that shit. in fact, he was one of the few people who urged Nuffnang to start doing revenue share because he felt Nuffnang deserved it :) Suanie is a blogging celebrity in her own right, but so down-to-earth about her status and influence, and unpretentious in her blogging. if you want a semblance of what the old pre-traffic obsession blogosphere used to be like, Suanie’s blog is the best place to find it.
sigh. i have absolutely no respect for so-called celebrity bloggers who like to throw their weight around. if you have a high readership, put it to good use instead of taking advantage of each hit to make money for yourself. get your brain working and churn out some meaningful writing like the rest of the other ‘little bloggers’ that you look down upon so. if you cant do that, then stop touting yourself as “XYZ the blogger” and just be a regular XYZ like the rest of us. how about that. how about some humility and some grace while you’re at it.
and it’s not just celebrity bloggers who can be greedy and ungrateful. when i was working with Nuffnang, i received scores of emails a day from bloggers who have like 10 hits a day or something, threatening to leave the network if they didnt get anymore ads. or simply going “eh why i so long no ad ah??” how about it’s because you dont even meet the freaking traffic requirement, you MORON. and even if you have what, 21 hits a day, stop complaining about the cents you’re making compared to the dollars you think you deserve; because without Nuffnang, that space on your sidebar is NOTHING. you wouldnt be making ANY cents if Nuffnang wasn’t out there touting your blog for you to advertisers. dont forget that you make as much money as your traffic gets you; so if your traffic is next to nothing, know that you are in no place to demand more money.
so you think your sidebar space is worth more than the amount you’re getting? quit gabbing and remove the unit lah then. we’d rather give the money to other bloggers who have the same amount of traffic that you do, but actually appreciate the work that we do for them. pulling power goes to the nice or the influential. so what happens if you’re neither? fuck off then, and take your precious sidebar space with you.
what angers me the most is blogs that sport the classic url of makemoneywithblogging.blogspot.com or something; set up SOLELY to make money from blog advertising, are full of weird Click Me banners and little adsense thingies, have random lyrics and other copy+paste shit, or sometimes even nothing at all… and then they can write us emails asking us WHY THEY HAVE NO ADS. hello????? your blog is not even a blog!!!!!!!!!
i’m just lamenting the fact that Nuffnang, who has been doing so much for the blogosphere, is not getting the gratitude that they deserve, from big bloggers and small bloggers alike. dont take all that money in your Earnings panel for granted - us folks in the office have to work long and hard to deliver that kinda money to you. our bosses have sleepless nights and dont even declare themselves a salary each month just so they can do this one thing for the blogging community. and yet, what do you as a blogger do? refuse revenue share. demand more ads. email boss to ask him to ‘check’ why you have no ads. pester about the status of your cheques. please lah. it’s time some gratitude is shown.
and i’m also lamenting the degenerating state of personal blogging. what happened to the days where blogging was all about getting your point across and sharing opinions and writing about your day-to-day experiences? now it’s become all about updating every 2-3 days so that your readers dont go away, it’s become all about stupid little gimmicks to keep your traffic up, it’s become a science and a business rather than the art and hobby it used to be.
haih. actually i didnt mean to sound so angry. i totally got carried away, didnt i? but i just cant help ittttt i’ve got so much pent up ANGST!!
one of these days, i’m going to give 5 links of 5 malaysian blogs that i think have good, sincere and heartfelt writing. none of that whiny give-me-ads commercial stuff. i think it’s about time we called some attention to the blogs that really deserve it. so if you have any hidden treasure blogs that you love to read, do drop a comment here and we can all partake in the good stuff :)
November 23rd, 2007
it’s been a hellish time for me, what with college applications and all. Martian has been really stressed out at work too, so we decided to go for a quick weekend retreat where No Work Is Allowed. what’s allowed : a lot of sun, sand, baileys, a good book, and lotsa lovin’! :D
#1 the beach at pangkor laut
he came back to KL and we drove up to Pangkor Laut to spend a lovely 3 days on the beach and in bed and by the pool just unwinding and basking in total relaxation. i must admit that on the first day i was so antsy about spending the next few days not doing anything about my college applications at all (i actually brought my laptop just in case *ashamed* but i managed to refrain from touching it!!), but after a while of allowing that lovely smell of sunblock to settle in, i was really grateful for the rest and relaxation. and most of all, i was glad to have my boyfriend with me after a horridly long 2 weeks of not seeing him :)
#2 by the pool
#3 finally!! some non-SAT related reading
#4 crawling over to his deck chair <3
Pangkor Laut is gorgeous, people, totally gorgeous. YTL really knows how to run a holiday resort. i've been to both their other resorts in Tanjong Jara and Cameron Highlands, but they are nowhere as lovely as Pangkor Laut. the emerald sea, white sand and comfy beach chairs requisite of a beach getaway are all accounted for. the poolside has a great view of the sea, the horizon and the sea villas. service is top notch; everyone from the GM to the gardeners are always smiling and eager to please. you even have a personal guest relations staff attending to you the whole time! ours was a sweet young lady called Casey who totally layaned my love for diet coke and sent some up to our room :P
#5 the resort at dusk
we stayed in one of the Hill Villas that has a fantastic view of the island and the sea. i loved it to bits :) we even had one of those open bathtubs where we could have long bubble baths in the company of starry skies and cricket sounds, heehee. on our 2nd night, the housekeeping staff saw that we’d ran a bubble bath the night before, and they actually ran us another bath, scattered rose petals all over the water and lit candles for us. sigh <3
both Martian and i have heard such good things about the Pangkor Laut spa, and even though i'm not much of a spa person (i know, i know, what's wrong with me, right?), he managed to convince me to go with him. and i'm soooooooo glad i did, because it was a spa experience unlike any other! it was very frilly with a lot of interesting steps to go through - first a Chinese footrub, then a Malay-style bath in a cold 'river' with a 'waterfall', then a Japanese bath where you sit and scrub yourself on those little wooden stools and use those quaint wooden buckets, then a .. okay lah i'm giving away too many spoilers, aren't i! dowan to say oredi, must maintain the surprise factor!
#6 the Malay-style river bath
after the bath house experience, you pick from many diff types of massages and baths and wraps and treatments and goodness knows what else. crazy wan lah, so many options! i didnt know what to pick so Martian picked me the Balinese massage and the milk bath, which we shared. where much Cleopatra/Marc Anthony debauchery went down. ;)
sigh it was such a wonderful holiday. i wish it could have gone on forever. now it’s back to the daily grind, back to Adobe Acrobat documents and application essays, back to Skype, back to hazy skies and aggravating news in the newspaper, and no more nighttime cuddles :( sniff.
more photos :
#7 the sea villas, located just off the beach and slightly into the sea. very tranquil :)
#8 c’est moi who at the time of phototaking was still rather nervous about not doing any work :P
#9 me and the Martian :)
#10 the beach from my deck chair cos i was too lazy to get up
#11 sans wheelbarrow
#12 i think i should be more worried about where i bring my camera! i put it on this banister on the sea villas to do a selftimer shot, really a windgust away from my camera falling into the sea, and Martian had to go like DONT DO THAT before i realized how dangerous it really was. *shy
#13 very cute old couple reading by the beach
#14 hot father swinging his very cute son around
#15 no, not our room, but the library of the resort! they have all these nice sofas and four poster beds in the library for you to read and surf the internet (free wireless!!!!!)
#16 smooches :D
#17 random peacock that keeps popping up around the resort
#18 making use of the camera’s kickass zoom. the peacock’s name, btw, is Richard
#19 me on one of those really intelligently-made beach chairs. i want one!
#20 Martian jogging
#21 woman tanning to a crisp and loving it!
#22 sigh lovely pangkor laut beach, i still pine for you
all photos were taken by the Panasonic Lumix DMZ-FZ18, which has the most fantasmo optical zoom EVAR. still need to tinker with it a bit before i can fully make proper use of its functions, but even with what little fiddling i’ve done with it so far, the photos still come out great! much thanks to Panasonic for the awesome camera, and Wenqi and Tim of Nuffnang for arranging this :D
Martian is going to HK for work next week. i sooooo want to go because i’ve been missing HK like crazy ever since he moved from there to Singapore. and i was going to go with him, but then i decided no lah i should do the responsible thing and stay home to finish up all this college app stuff. but then i keep thinking about all the things that we used to do in Hong Kong, and i’m just so reluctant to let this trip go :( we’ve always wanted to go back to HK together, and this would be a great chance to do so. sigh. advice, please! 4 days of HK frolicking or 4 days of college app-ing?
November 21st, 2007
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