Love and War and Peace and Love Again
November 6th, 2007
“How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight?”
- Fight Club
i always scoff at the articles in girly mags that tell us that ‘the occasional fight’ in a relationship is necessary to keep it going. to me, it was always just one of those generic advisory statements that probably apply to only a minority of all couples out there, but not to everyone, and most definitely not to me.
this was how i looked at it - if fights can be avoided, then they should be. why would anyone want to have a relationship that’s prone to fights and disagreements, when they could have one that’s sweet, mutually understanding and loving? why allow dissent to breed when you two can compromise and emerge from the whole deal without having to kick and scream at each other and potentially say things that will come back to bite you both in the ass?
one thing i never understood was how people could fight with their significant others. sometimes i cant even bring myself to raise my voice or yell at my boyfriend, let alone throw things or have a full-blown argument. and at the same time, if any boyfriend of mine even so much as yells at me, he would be kicked out the door and given silent treatment for 20 days effective immediately O_O what i thought was - if you really loved someone, it would be extremely difficult to fight with them over small issues like Friday night plans or the mess in the house. you’d wanna hold them and you’d wanna talk nicely, right? you’d cajole and you’d sweet talk.. you wouldn’t yell at your loved one simply because their feelings are just way too precious to you to even want to risk hurting.
i suppose another reason why i dont do the fighting thing is because i cant stand the idea that my boyfriend and i are capable of disagreeing, and mutually refusing to see the other’s point of view, which is essentially what a fight is. in all my previous relationships, i have never once fought with any of my boyfriends. there have been long term relationships and short ones, but never a fight or even an argument where we’d both be yelling at the top of our lungs and screaming hurtful things at each other. and i was always very proud of this; proud that there were no problems, and proud to be able to say that my boyfriend and i never fight because we’re just so compatible and loving and perfect together that way.
but then i met Martian.
-__________-
and he just turned my whole world upside down and inside out. i have NEVER met someone that i’m so compatible and loving and perfect with, but who also fights with me all the time.
in the early stages of our relationship, we’d have the occasional argument because i’d say something and he’d disagree with me, and then i’d get pissed off that he disagreed with me and then we’d start to fight. or he would say something mean and i would go WTF YOU TAKE THAT BACK but then he would refuse to take it back and then we’d start to fight. or if i wanted a milo dog and then he would say cannot and then i’d cry and then we’d start to fight. stupid things like that lah =( and it confused the hell out of me at first because i didn’t understand why all this fighting could happen in a relationship where two people loved each other so much.
i really don’t like it when i fight with Martian, because i just dont like fighting in general, much less with my boyfriend, but it just kept happening. and i would get really upset about all the turmoil. for a while i wondered if this was a compatibility issue - perhaps we just weren’t very right for each other if we could keep disagreeing like this all the time. or maybe we were just too alike, because we’re both extremely headstrong, stubborn and vocal about our views. sigh, the other day Jovann voted me ‘Most Likely To Win In A Fight’ on Facebook, and he added a comment saying “she can come up with multiple reasons to argue with anyone if she thinks she’s right”. hahaha that’s actually true, BUT i met my match when i met Martian. cos if anyone can justify the most unjustifiable of things, it would be him. he could sell a supply of McDonalds to Colonel Sanders and have the old man renew the contract each year okay -___-
(one day i must blog about ALL the Martian vs Anyone arguments i’ve ever witnessed. very funny wan i swear)
so yes Martian and i fight a lot. but the coolest thing about our fights is that we always end up so much closer after every fight we have. we will brawl it out and scream and cry and fume and throw things, and then when we’re done, we will stop and look at each other and go.. “awww baby come here” and then we will melt into each other’s arms and kiss and make up wtf.
and then we’ll realize that we’ve learned so much about each other just from that fight - learning how to deal with each other, learning the inner workings of the other person’s heart and mind, and above all, learning how to love each other better. and our relationship just becomes so much more stronger as a result :) it is just so good and comforting to know that after a fight, we will and have always come back to each other, and that our love is strong enough to withstand this trial on top of all the others. sigh it’s like Darwin’s Theory meets Mars & Venus or something.
and not to mention i feel so much lust for him every time we fight and then reconcile. i loveeee the fact that even after a huge argument, he’s big enough of a man to admit he’s wrong, or sometimes admit he’s wrong even though i’m the one who’s wrong hahahaha, and then sincerely want to make it up to me. SIGH. how does one not lust for a man like that. how. how. how.
so i’m eating all my words about how ‘the occasional fight’ is not necessary in relationships. i see now that it TOTALLY is. it helps build your relationship, gives you both a chance to say things you need to get out of your system, helps you understand and appreciate each other better. seriously. how do all these things happen if not by going through fights and then emerging victorious together, as a team and holding hands?
and i must say that Martian has just been so good for me in many ways. i used to be so spoilt by all my previous boyfriends who would always give in to me and never want to argue despite how unreasonable i can be.. and as a result i always expected things to go my way, and this would translate to school, the workplace, society and all other aspects of my life. not a good thing, obviously. so i’m glad i met my boyfriend, who has very lovingly shaped me into a better and more understanding person :) even though sometimes it drives me up the wall like when he refused to let me buy pink curtains for the apartment grrrr.
i’ve grown up and seen how naive i was to think that couples are perfect and ‘right’ only if they don’t fight and are always on good terms with each other. not fighting doesn’t mean a relationship is perfect.. Martian once told me that if i went out with a complete gentleman i would probably be really bored. at the time, i ardently disagreed (and thus another fight ensued haha) but now it’s glaringly obvious that it’s so true. while i would love being treated like a princess, i would probably be really angry at such a boyfriend for not having an opinion or a backbone, and i would also be hurt that he’s so scared of me that he can’t even bring himself to disagree with me.
so i see now that what i used to think was perfect, actually does not exist; but what do exist are relationships that are rough around the edges, yet are centered around two people who recognize the flaws in their relationship and mutually want to work at perfecting it, while loving and supporting each other all the way. it’s all about two people who will always remain excited about each other and never want to give up at what they have.
that’s what exists. and that’s what Martian and i are. and i wouldn’t trade that delicious and loving discord for all the harmony in the world.
that, and make-up sex ROCKS.
Entry Filed under: Martianisms, Musings
57 Comments Add your own
1. ria | November 6th, 2007 at 8:38 am
hey you! *hugs* i LOVE this entry. thank you :)
2. Anonymous | November 6th, 2007 at 9:09 am
hi,
you are right. no fighting doesnt mean your relationship is in good term /good shape. we are human n arent perfect.
i like your entry, gal.
3. pinkshirtz | November 6th, 2007 at 9:22 am
X) i use to think that all couples will eventually follow a similiar formula for friendship ….. 3 months … lovey dovey …. 6 months … first fight …. 12 months …feel like beaking up … and then 16 months … lovey dovey … and 2 years … give me some space! Haha .. don’t know what follows after that but hopefully good stuff … !
Fightings good but dun be over possesive. … X) enjoy….
4. SzeWei | November 6th, 2007 at 9:28 am
haha. pardon my stupidity. but can I kno what make-up sex means?
5. *dAwN | November 6th, 2007 at 10:20 am
hmm.. I used to think the same way as you did: if two people were perfect together, they’ll never fight because they are supposed to understand each other very well. Well, that sounds like a fairy-tale. But I later came to think that having a fight will enhance your relationship because you’ll learn about each other’s quirks and what they don’t like, etc., and learn to understand them and compromise. ^_^
6. tw | November 6th, 2007 at 10:49 am
thx for such a useful tips, great entry…
7. m | November 6th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
my boss and his wife fight all the time. I work in the office and almost everytime they meet they would fight. Most of the time little arguments but once in a while proper fights. And they are not shy about it. And yet it is so clear to anyone that they love each other dearly. Have been married over 20 years, have 4 kids together. When they are talking of they other, you can clearly hear that they admire their partner and respect them. They just have a very honest relationship and say exactly what they feel and don’t let what’s bothering them fester, just let it all out.
8. missycheerio | November 6th, 2007 at 12:11 pm
hey,you know? this is one kick ass entry. its is undeniably true & it did in fact inspire me in some ways. stay happy babe.cheers.
9. vin | November 6th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
ve been a silent reader of urs for a few yrs.
love this entry! =)
10. foreverjas | November 6th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
whoa. you are the best!!!
11. foreverjas | November 6th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
ya. i fight with my bf too. sometimes its jz.. the little stuff tht makes us fight. =( but, its true, tht after that, we both get to understand each other more, and the sweet feeling after the fight. support u pink pau!!!
12. badduck | November 6th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
better to hate for a little while than not care at all. at least you know there is something worth saving.
13. d'Fish | November 6th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
hi there. first time posting comment. very interesting post. I do think fights and arguments in a relationship are only healthy if you can come with a positive solution. You tend to get much closer after that.
No point arguing over small mini things and never ever sleep over an argument without solving it. Make up sex is also bad if the problem is not solved yet.
As a guy, my advise is never give in to a guy for sex if the fight is still not settled.
Sorry guys.. O_o
14. Waifon | November 6th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
after reading your entry i dnt think i can threaten break ups come wht may cos u make an argument or fight with your partner so legible and justifiable!!!
Fight nevermind..it’s the process of understanding each other and we’ll be stonger than ever!!! wtf how can i ever do that :(:(:( but it’s true wht u said, you’ll learn so much abt the other person after a fight and we all try to be the better half for each other. i wonder if i throw an ashtray at him, kepala benjol and all, will he still be lusty as ever and give me a good make up shag wtf.
15. Waifon | November 6th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
eh and rose, rose is good. not so good acting and dancing though but it’s very enjoyable. if u understand canto, it’s better T____________________T u hv to go if u can make it okay i personally enjoyed the show. not as controversial as i thought it would be but good performance nonetheless. i love KK in tht show. hilarious beyond words :)
16. vvens | November 6th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
the bright side of a fight or an arguement is that two will really get closer and understand each othe more. hahaha.
so, i take anything that happens as a good one!
17. Jon | November 6th, 2007 at 6:23 pm
@ SzeWei
To answer your question, we must first break down the phrase into “make up” and “sex”
Make up - applications (powder and liquid substances) used more commonly by females to patch up ugly spots on the face.
Sex - gender
Go figure :p
18. Porcupine | November 6th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
I would prefer to see it as a Ying-Yang thing (pardon the old-Chinese-man-with-long-beard-sitting-on-mountain-top-wisdom)
It would occur to me that everything will have its balance.
In such a sense, there a loving times and there are disagreeing times.
All which are part and parcel of a relationship which I might say spice things up.
Face it, if it weren’t for arguments, things would be bored as hell yo…
One heck of a good entry though. Makes me wanna look for someone and just argue. (O_o)
19. kimberlycun | November 6th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
the last line would be suffice ;)
20. julie | November 6th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
touche!
21. Michael | November 6th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
ahh…the wisdom of the last sentence XD
22. Jonathan | November 6th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
There weren’t any pictures, so traditionally i would scroll all the way down.
I saw the last sentence, i knew i had to read the whole entry
Sarcasm aside, there’s always a theory, people are the perfect match when they are nearly opposite in characters.
Imagine, a quiet male, and a quiet female
Imagine a talkative male, and a talkative female
Melancholic + Phlegmatic ! = Choleric + Sanguine
Usually given a funny combination between a couple, it blends it to produce exorbitant loving situations
23. steven lee | November 6th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
OMGWTF your parents read your blog!!!
Anyway makeup-sex means having sex while putting on your make up or making up while having sex, it should be either one of those.
No really it means using sex as a make up tool. Its great because having sex with someone while you’re angry make it seems like you’re humping the hell out of them.
The tension built up could result in an explosive orgasm.
24. matian | November 6th, 2007 at 9:50 pm
yabba i lust u too. (yabba isn’t an actual word u can use on scrabulous, i just wanted to use something cavemany)
25. aimee | November 6th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
HAHAHHAA! i burst out in uncontrollable laughter, scared my dog.
i really should be studying. love this entry!
you quoted chuck palahniuk :D
26. lishun | November 6th, 2007 at 10:19 pm
milo dog?!
27. Bernard | November 6th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
you wrote part of my story too :) excluding make up sex la :D
28. martian | November 6th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
aiya…my speeling so bad
29. thegeekinpink | November 6th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
your very last line reminds me why i drama fight all the time.
30. Hannah | November 7th, 2007 at 12:33 am
I really cannot agree more with this entry. I dated a fellow debater once, and good god, were the fights The View-worthy or what. It’s great to stumble upon posts like this. Fun blogs dosed with wit are so hard to come by. Love it. =)
And something tells me that make-up sex isn’t half as fun as the raunchy, real thang.
Cheers. =)
31. songjun | November 7th, 2007 at 1:57 am
*fights with you
fight fight
32. Chris | November 7th, 2007 at 4:39 am
lol @ songjun. pls behave urself in public view :P
33. songjun | November 7th, 2007 at 6:23 am
chris : shush
she slammed the door at me once during a big fight haha
34. Michelle | November 7th, 2007 at 7:30 am
Yeah, screaming and hurling spitfires at my sis really made us closer than ever.
No relationship is perfect. Even if it is with your family.
35. fern | November 7th, 2007 at 9:36 am
one nice long entry and people are “fighting” about the last line xD
I disagree with this entry because i dated a fighter and didn’t work out too well :( but am impressed with your point of view. can’t wait for martian vs anyone entries :P
36. pinkpau | November 7th, 2007 at 9:54 am
ria : most welcome :D *huggles
anonymous : glad u did :)
pinkshirtz : it shouldnt have to be like that if you both mutually work at keeping things from going stale
sze wei : it means fighting and then making up and then having sex immediately after
dawn : exactly! it’s all just a very nice fairytale. and you wouldnt understand each other as much as if you go through some disagreements here and there
tw : you’re welcome!
m : wow. that is really, really cool. i have a lot to learn when it comes to that not letting what’s bothering me fester. thanks for this story :) it is very encouraging.
missycheerio : aww glad it helped. i went through a lot of clarity too, writing this post.
vin : dont be silent!!
foreverjas : sigh it’s always the little things isnt it!
badduck : that’s true :)
shakyfish : haha shakyfish… i believe i spoke to you on the phone the other day about your ads. and yes you’re right about needing the positive solution. a conclusion is always necessary to eliminate anymore doubt or insecurity
waifon : eh dont throw ashtray at him lah hahaha so poor thing! aiyah i would love to go for Rose Rose also but dont think i can make it oredi =( SIGH.
vvens : sigh you’re so optimistic! it took me so long to finally start appreciating fights for the good it brings.
porcupine : haha yes, part and parcel, that’s exactly it. no lah i wouldnt say it would be boring without fights. sometimes fight too much also boring. that’s not good too.
kimberlycun : :P
julie : *bow
michael : with experience comes wisdom!
jon : oh, sanguines and cholerics are a match??? haha isnt that cool !!! that’s me and martian respectively :D actually, i dont really know about this whole opposites are the best for you kinda thing. you cant be of complete polar opposites, i think. but hmm i am actually very attracted to the quieter types. HMM.
steven lee : ooh yeah tell me about it
martian : baby you cannot spell lah. and you only wanna comment on my blog when the post is about you -____-
aimee : chuck palahniuk writes some great stuff. i cant help but be awed
lishun : er yeah heehee *sheepish
bernard : EXCLUDING????
thegeekinpink : gasp thou art manipulative
hannah : you dated a fellow debater!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! that is so kick ass. i would so love to do that one day just to see how things go hahahahaha can you imagine ending up on opposing teams hahahhaa
songjun : what are you talking about! we never even fight!
chris : haih he cant help it wan lah.. have to make a fool out of himself every now and then
michelle : hey yeah this post applies to family too doesnt it!
fern : i know what you mean.. i didnt like all this fighting very much either at the start of this relationship. but that’s cos i always tried to avoid all the fighting and ended up feeling very victimized. so sometimes you gotta stand your ground too :) if he can get his point across, then so can you. *hugs
37. iamthewitch | November 7th, 2007 at 10:57 am
I love this entry… it really does speak for me very much. I’m glad that someone experiences the same thing, and that I’m not weird. :) Thank you for sharing this amusing entry and for inspiring. :)
38. Waifon | November 7th, 2007 at 11:44 am
eh u like chuck palahniuk issit! u hv to read Diary, Choke, Invisible Monsters, Lullaby and Rant. Besides Fight Club of course. Read most of his books but it was so depressing and twisted to a certain degree and i guess tht’s all i can take so i stopped. many stopped at the first book. okay maybe second, diary hahah cos it get’s mundane (or so i heard) cos his minimalistic writing style is rather predictable and it gets boring but i did enjoy his stories. okay la maybe u dnt really like CP hahah sorry for the long comment. fight club was made a movie hence the popularity but i do think his other works are worth a mention as well. :) and i wont throw ashtray la im so lemah lembut how can!
39. songjun | November 7th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
what never fight! got! but quite rare haha
40. sheon | November 7th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
there were only sex, appreciation sex, romantic sex, sex sex… never make-up sex. coz i never had full blown fight with my gf before. then she dumped me for another guy who she has fights after fights with…and she says she’s more appreciative of that kinda of relationship…….i was like…..Huh? maybe she likes make-up sex…….but……wtf…….havent spoken to her for years, and not keen to……ever.
41. baffled | November 7th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
Unfortunate as this may sound, I am still naive in many respects. The last line to me is an implication of pre-marital sex. Which to me, has often been discussed with pros and cons. Nevertheless the question I’m really getting at is whether this is actually done by most Malaysian young adults/teenagers before marriage or would this be a minority group? Has abstinence become an often said but obsolete and unpractical ideal? :) nice entry!
42. TheRealAnonymous | November 7th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
Fighting sometimes does bring a couple closer.
But not all fights end up with more good than bad.
I personally prefer avoiding fights, especially unnecessary ones… those that ends up spoiling both your moods over nothing. =p
43. Make-Up Sex Sifu | November 7th, 2007 at 9:45 pm
“sze wei : it means fighting and then making up and then having sex immediately after”
No I disagree with your methods… It’s supposed to be having sex with MAKE UP on…. oh… turns me on.
44. Make-Up Sex Sifu | November 7th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
aiya shit…. too late my comment. It seems that Jon and Steven lee are two other masters in this art as well
45. songjun | November 7th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
seems to me your risque last line has attracted many an attention :P
especially from Chris right HAHA
46. Doreen | November 8th, 2007 at 3:30 am
a post that speaks for most of us! :) when i fight with my significant other, i’d take out my sim card from my handphone and hide my sim card on top of my wardrobe cupboard, just so i don’t touch my phone to much hoping to get make-up calls after fights……. -_______- which usually doesn’t work cos at the end of the day, i’ll be dying to hear his voice.
love is a funny thing. yeh. T_T
47. alea | November 8th, 2007 at 5:34 pm
pfft. just like me and my ex.
yes, make up sex do rocks xD
48. entwined | November 8th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
one advice i always adhere to when my bf and i fight is that we should never go to sleep without resolving the issue at hand firs. :)
usually, i don’t like fights though, because it always leaves me feeling insecure, even though we have made up after that. i believe that fights are needed to solve major problems and once all potential problems in a relationship has been fought about (and solved), a couple should not have any major screamfest any more. :P so far, it seems to hold true for my relationship. the first 1.5 year was rocky, but now it’s all very harmonious. :) *touch wood*
and please do post about martian vs anyone else arguments! :D
49. chris | November 8th, 2007 at 7:52 pm
songjun: you crazy ah! first imagine u got fight with pinkiepau, dream on la hoho wtf and now u think i’m interested in a one liner punch line that looked like it meant to attract the attention of horny guys!
wait, i did somehow got attracted to it didn’t i? =.=; die la songjun, now everyone know we’re both horny bastards :(
pinkpau: i know what u mean, i really do. after all, we had something together too once upon a time. hoho lol
50. songjun | November 8th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
lol chris im not the horny bastard! YOU are :P I’m just horny.
haha
51. Jonathan | November 8th, 2007 at 11:54 pm
Cholerics don’t necessarily match up with Sanguine. It is the other mix throw into it. Chances are he is a Melancholic/Phlegmatic + Choleric to match up with your socializing and outgoing nature.
You can’t imagine being together with another guy that will be talking when you are talking right. That’ll be like…head on collision of trains.
HMM
52. SzeWei | November 9th, 2007 at 1:06 pm
su ann : hahaha. it must be really sweeet :) :)
53. SzeWei | November 9th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
So what you guys meant is that make-up sex are like make-up (applications) for flaws in the relationship? hahahah
54. tze | November 9th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
nonsense la fight what fight la just silent treatment all the way la wtf
55. Albert Ng | November 11th, 2007 at 8:54 am
Yeah it’s like building muscle, you gotta strain it for it to grow. Or something like that.
Speaking of argument, I’d wanna pick your brain someday.
*makes mental note to draw ashtrays closer to my side of the table*
56. abby | January 11th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
MAKE UP SEX? haha.
dude, im linking u under my freq visited k?
rawk on
xoxo
57. Sex Gay Sex Anime Sex&hellip | February 23rd, 2008 at 6:54 am
Sex Gay Sex Anime Sex…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
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