We Were Meant To Live For So Much More

things that were bad about this morning : my high school counselor stood me up for our 10am meeting, my new pair of flip-flops died, the beef ball noodle shop that i reeeeeally wanted to go to for lunch was closed, The Star’s skewed journalism regarding yesterday’s Hindraf rally, and my missing Reese Peanut Butter Cups tshirt. yes i have a Peanut Butter Cups tshirt. it’s very cute. Puppy gave it to me. and now it’s missing :(

but as is prone to happen, the morning took a turn for the better quite suddenly and unexpectedly :) i was in a cab on the way home from my meeting that didnt happen, a tad annoyed and extremely fatigued, when my cabbie’s mobile phone rang. it was his wife! and from the backseat, i could hear her screeching with mucho fervor over the phone. she was clearly very mad about something, but it was sooooo cute to watch the cabbie apologize and soothe his wife :P

his side of the conversation, which i was eavesdropping on with much glee : “aiyo.. sorry okay? don’t angry okay? wei… don’t angry lah… i know i’m wrong… yah i know i promised… yah i know promises are important… that’s why i’m sorry… please don’t be angry! you want lunch? i buy for you lunch.. okay what you want to eat? pau? porridge? noodles? what you want, i buy for you! har dont want anything? why? why you dont want to eat? you must eat! are you not eating because you’re angry at me? wei don’t like that lah… okay lah okay lah i come back and take you out for lunch okay? will that make you happy? okay okay i come back now.. bye bye. remember dont be angry ah!”

hahahahahahahhaa SO cute!

when he hung up, i asked him why his wife was so angry, and it turns out he was supposed to go back during his break at 6am to ……. take a nap. cos his wife is very concerned about his lack of sleep. isn’t that adorable! anyway he obviously didn’t go home, and i asked him why. and he sheepishly said that he went for coffee with a couple of cabbie friends. HAHAHA.

i then told him that his wife is very lucky to have a nice husband like him who’s so willing to apologize and comfort her. we girls, after all, like to be babied every now and then :) then he sighed and said, ‘what to do… i sayang her so much.’

awwwwwwwww. :))))) that just made my day. and so my morning became much, much, much better after that. even though the haze is back and i STILL haven’t found my peanut butter cups tshirt! @#$%^

haven’t been able to sleep lately. the thing is i AM SO tired, but i just cant seem to be able to sleep more than 4 hours these days. and that’s after going on without sleep for about 24 hours. if only this state of sleeplessness would increase my productivity, but no! it doesnt! in fact, i dont even feel like doing anything at all. sigh. all i want to do is eat ice cream and stare at the ceiling and try to sleep.

but i’ve been much happier these days. not jumping out of my skin kinda happy, but an almost nirvanic kinda happy. the people in my life have been going through a lot of things, and when they talk to me about it, they drop random bits of wisdom that i usually look at as cliches or easier-said-than-done.. but after some contemplation (in my sleep-deprived, sense-heightened state), i find that there is nothing truer than the most cliched of wisdoms. like, ‘all you can do is hope for the best’. ‘learn to let go’. ‘if you dont try, you’ll never know’. ‘we can’t expect everyone to be the way we want them to’. and, ‘prayer helps’.

i grew up a lot over the past weeks. i’ve learnt a lot of things - painful things that hurt me - and i’ve also learnt how to deal with them. i think my problem sometimes is that i worry too much about things, always needing to know what is going on, always needing to have my hand in the solution.. when at times the best thing to do is just STOP, and see that there is not a whole lot you can do about certain things.

so why worry? again, another cliche that i often dismiss. i used to - and to a certain extent still am - think that worrying is a good thing, because it shows that you’re thinking about your situation and trying to fix it or make sure it turns out okay, and if it things go bad, you are at least prepared for the blow and can deal with it effectively.

but that’s the problem i suppose. i try so hard to insulate and protect myself, always anticipating hurt and heartbreak, that i’ve come to see such things at every corner i turn. i flinch whenever something is handed to me because i immediately think there’s an ulterior motive, a trick up the sleeve, an illusion that i was silly enough to think was real. but that’s no way to live, is it? that’s no way to love, either. and you sure as heck dont have a lot of fun.

i’m still learning to let go. of things, and of myself.

i’m just very, very, very lucky and grateful to know that the people in my life will always be out there to catch me =) and to feed me cliched wisdoms whenever i need some.

92 comments November 26th, 2007