Where Do I Run To Now
December 4th, 2007
post-shower and shivering - i swear i can feel the walls of my blood vessels frosting up. i am sitting here bundled up heavily in towels, wondering how is it possible that it can be so cold here. hello, equator? where are you? my remarkable self-insulation abilities regretfully do not extend to the physical. right now, little shorts and tank tops - all i brought - and the hotel towels are all i have.
i’m not supposed to be here. i dont even want to be here. but then i figure, better a strange hotel room stocked with Pringles, than a tainted and sickening apartment where the floors will forever ooze contempt and betrayal. better to freeze here alone than to face what i should have avoided all along. i just feel really stupid right now. regretful. scathed. but at least i have all this anger to help me heal.
the city is beckoning from beneath the window, but i’ve just been room-servicing the days away. chicken katsu don on the first night, then fish and chips, then caesar salad and french onion soup. i feel like the protagonist in a Murakami book, only without the alcohol and the weird sex. there’s just this comfort in holing yourself up in your hotel room - the sedation and solitude is a much better second-hand than the ones we have on our real clocks. the mood to explore just isnt there, no matter how tempting those banana pancakes they sell on the streets are. all i can think about are college and murder.
i’m just so mad lah i dont know where to channel all this frustration. went to THAT MALL earlier this afternoon for some reluctant shopping, and i wanted to scream when the waitress led me to THAT TABLE. you wanted a legacy, right? well you fucking left one. what is this, some kind of elaborate plan that you cooked up? did you see this coming and smirk to yourself? this legacy shit is so dumb. and insensitive. and hurtful. all the things you are.
tonight, Khao San Road calls. i’m really quite thrilled at the idea of being there. the possibilities and adventures are just endless.
37 Comments Add your own
1. wan siong | December 4th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Uhh~~ Rants..
Today is my ex’s birthday and i’ve yet to wish her happy birthday.
Memories and thoughts just conjure up out of no where.
I need to rant too.
Sorry and thanks for letting me went off my anger here..
Urrrggghhhh~~
2. aw | December 4th, 2007 at 11:41 pm
Whoa. That’s a megaton of emo. Ah well, Buddha say: Put things in perspective. We are but a speck of a speck of a speck in what we know as the universe.
http://www.xanga.com/BelindaC/625464579/item.html
Feel gratitude for what you have now, or what you had. And present injustice will seem meaningless. Everything is impermanent - sadness will go away, happiness will go away. So just make the most out of the present.
3. aw | December 4th, 2007 at 11:42 pm
Gawd. WTF am I talking about. That’s too preachy. Forget it. Just rant and wallow on in the winter of your discontent.
4. Gin | December 4th, 2007 at 11:46 pm
what happen wei @@ damn long dint update suddenly super angsty
5. lishun | December 4th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
those darned thai nights? take care, girl.
6. entwined | December 4th, 2007 at 11:52 pm
you’re in bangkok! that’s nice! :D
but erm…hope everything else is all right?
7. reallybites | December 5th, 2007 at 12:18 am
hugs!
8. songjun | December 5th, 2007 at 12:43 am
lol control ur self ok in khao san :P i know how random u can get sometimes
*hugs :)
9. evan | December 5th, 2007 at 1:28 am
u would love khao san, remember to explore the alleys. i got tons of goodies from there. like fake threadless tees :P
10. michellesy | December 5th, 2007 at 2:42 am
Oh crap. This doesn’t sound good.
But then betrayal never does.
Have fun, but take care of yourself out there OK?
*Hugs*
11. k0k | December 5th, 2007 at 3:05 am
December tragedy.
I don’t think I should try to guess what’s up, but hey - have fun at Khao San Road, and be safe, girl.
It might just me, but your last line left a whiff of recklessness hanging.
12. sweat | December 5th, 2007 at 9:01 am
murakami is the best author ever! his characters are just amazing. i should know cause i’m his no.1 fan wtf, i read ALL his books k wtf beat that.
anyway babe i love you /boo
13. pinkshirtz | December 5th, 2007 at 10:04 am
Settle down on the ager if you haven’t already done so… Some of us are still in exam panic mode …. and would give so much just to be in your position .. no matter the crappy seats or food… So calm down … and enjoy your holiday …. or watevers left of it. bwahaha!
14. Waifon | December 5th, 2007 at 11:22 am
*pats* babe you take care kay… and i think chipster tastes better than pringles :( but different texture la the chips. chips ter is more mister potato haha oh well room service your day to happiness okay. coke light at your doorstep but more expensive 200 % wtf.
15. *dAwN | December 5th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
hope you are feeling well soon (emotion-wise) *hugs*
16. Tiara | December 5th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
this doesn’t sound good. :(
*hugs*
17. naz | December 5th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
sepai.. sepaaaaaai…..
see you tomorrow! :D
18. Michael | December 5th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
??? cant seem to understand…or should i comment to something i cant even understand? confused right now..
19. thegeekinpink | December 5th, 2007 at 6:46 pm
:) hugs. hope the holiday is good at least.
20. Michelle | December 5th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
Pinkpau, how can I meet you in real life?
Let’s go on a date! Or you can come to my workplace..
=D
21. ShaolinTiger | December 6th, 2007 at 3:30 am
Oh dear, sounds bad.
*hugs*
22. foreverjas | December 6th, 2007 at 11:07 am
i wanna meet u in real life too!!!!! XD
23. Christine | December 6th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
*Huggieesss*
Cheer up! Cheer Up!
Cheer for Pinkpau!
Again, as i told you before, everything happens for a good purpose, just look in a more optimistic way and you will find a better way to solve things out. Jia you!
24. Jen | December 6th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
hopefully, its not as bad as the rest of us make it out to be. and if khao san road is the breath of fresh air you need, then by all means. have fun. and cheer up! we’re all rooting for you =D
25. suanie | December 6th, 2007 at 7:04 pm
26. suanie | December 6th, 2007 at 7:05 pm
heart you
27. hanna | December 6th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
hang in there. been through the same thing. your last paragraph smacks of recklessness, so don’t be too rash though.
aiya, wait, too late already. well, i hope you weren’t too rash, then. ;)
i’m back in december! want to meet up and have an actual conversation that doesn’t involve elephants? haha. *hugs*
28. YouNeedHelp | December 6th, 2007 at 8:49 pm
I remember you weren’t slipping like this. Whatever problems you have, get some real help… before it’s too late… and there’s no turning back…
29. DolphyN | December 6th, 2007 at 11:02 pm
*hugz* just sumthing random from me. haha. take care girl.
30. michellesy | December 7th, 2007 at 12:05 am
Babe, it’s not like me to comment twice on the same post (smacks of an overbearing mater familias non?), but I’m worried about you.
Please come home in one piece OK?
*Hugs*
31. pinkpau | December 7th, 2007 at 5:30 am
wansiong : your blog, or your best friends, are the best and most unjudgmental places to rant to :)
aw : your comments made me LOL :P thank you, aw. yknow, i dont know who you are, but i REALLY like you.
gin : sigh! i wish i could be less angsty too
lishun : those darned thai nights indeed.. :)
entwined : not so nice lah. i was practically not in bangkok seeing how i didnt leave my hotel room almost 3/4 of the time. i only left to do a little bit of shopping and some getting wasted with cheap tequila shots :)
reallybites : hugglewuggle
songjun : i must say i had remarkable restraint. remarkable with a capital R.
evan : yes i love khao san :) it is hands down my fav place in all of bangkok. i love the vibe there. i always come back from khao san with MUCHO awesome yet sooooo cheap shopping. not to mention with a bunch of phone no’s and email addys of yummy backpackers :)))
michellesy : i keep reminding myself to do that :P no lah i’m very safe babe :) thanks so much for the concern.
k0k : ya reckless. that’s me.
sweat : oh i cannot beat :P i’ve only read like 4 or 5 of his books. love you too
pinkshirtz : i dont envy you.. i just finished my sats and am extremely disappointed in myself. dont wanna see another paper for the rest of my life.
waifon : i was going to protest with much indignance about chipster > pringles, but the more i think abt what you say, the more i think its true. texture is quite nice!!! pringles like .. very heavy. BUT I STILL LOVE PRINGLES.
dawn : i am i am :) much better
tiara : yes but im better now :) hugggs
naz : im never going WILDing with you or albert again. you guys know ALL THE SONGS
michael : well u can try :)
thegeekinpink : it wasnt :P
michelle : where do you work?
shaolintiger : le sigh! huggss
foreverjas : hahaha i’m where all the ice cream is
christine : i have such a big problem being optimistic. i dont know why.
jen : i had mucho fun :) it was good to just be away from things for a while. meet new people who dont know anything about me. eat some food. play some (lousy) pool. do a bit of tequila. good times :)
suanie : mwahhhhhh
hanna : i think i behaved myself very well that night :P okay lets meet!!! is alvo back? i havent spoken to him in forever
youneedhelp : errr. do we know each other?
dolphyn : random is good :) hugs back
michellesy : i am home now! very much in one piece! and happier. sorta.
32. Michelle | December 7th, 2007 at 8:43 am
Padini Authentics at Padini Concept Store in Pavillion, KL.
33. Albert Ng | December 7th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
No I don’t know all the songs. I just know how to dance to any song as long as it’s within the genres played. :D
34. tze | December 7th, 2007 at 8:49 pm
feel better. i’ll give you my shoes? :D ok kidding wtf
35. foreverjas | December 7th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
har. T________T you’re my idol ler. hehe. i love how u lead your life, your intelligence, your everything. u’re my idol!
36. jimmy | December 7th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
and i’m ur stalker in waiting ahaha
37. jimmy | December 7th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
isit me or are all the wtf gettin a teeny bit annoying.
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