In A Nutshell What I Am Trying To Say Is

December 23rd, 2007

i have probably expelled my billionth sigh today. the table to my right spilled a packet of Cadbury Chocettes on the floor earlier, and the sight of one particular Chocette - post-shoe squash - is making me sad. no one deserves to be treated that way. and i would probably be more productive if i were less of a perfectionist. i keep telling myself it shouldn’t matter if i don’t get what i want, because i am not above settling for second best. but i need, too. why are the most important people just. not. getting. it? i am an extremely capable person and i can get through this. i used to not care, but now i am just like everyone else. i don’t know how to react now.. if i could rewind the past two months, would i have done things differently? would i not have said some things, would i have not interfered and just let things unfold on its own natural course? probably not. because it feels kinda good now. but not entirely. how do i make it feel entirely good? patience sounds like a bad word at the moment. all these shoes and all these perfectly-sugared donuts .. do they even mean anything? i have always won when playing Charades.

Entry Filed under: Musings