Where Do I Run To Now
post-shower and shivering - i swear i can feel the walls of my blood vessels frosting up. i am sitting here bundled up heavily in towels, wondering how is it possible that it can be so cold here. hello, equator? where are you? my remarkable self-insulation abilities regretfully do not extend to the physical. right now, little shorts and tank tops - all i brought - and the hotel towels are all i have.
i’m not supposed to be here. i dont even want to be here. but then i figure, better a strange hotel room stocked with Pringles, than a tainted and sickening apartment where the floors will forever ooze contempt and betrayal. better to freeze here alone than to face what i should have avoided all along. i just feel really stupid right now. regretful. scathed. but at least i have all this anger to help me heal.
the city is beckoning from beneath the window, but i’ve just been room-servicing the days away. chicken katsu don on the first night, then fish and chips, then caesar salad and french onion soup. i feel like the protagonist in a Murakami book, only without the alcohol and the weird sex. there’s just this comfort in holing yourself up in your hotel room - the sedation and solitude is a much better second-hand than the ones we have on our real clocks. the mood to explore just isnt there, no matter how tempting those banana pancakes they sell on the streets are. all i can think about are college and murder.
i’m just so mad lah i dont know where to channel all this frustration. went to THAT MALL earlier this afternoon for some reluctant shopping, and i wanted to scream when the waitress led me to THAT TABLE. you wanted a legacy, right? well you fucking left one. what is this, some kind of elaborate plan that you cooked up? did you see this coming and smirk to yourself? this legacy shit is so dumb. and insensitive. and hurtful. all the things you are.
tonight, Khao San Road calls. i’m really quite thrilled at the idea of being there. the possibilities and adventures are just endless.
37 comments December 4th, 2007
