Archive for January, 2008
the world is my Flying Pan.
i just have to keep telling myself that and i will be okay.
it has been an unusually difficult couple of days. i would like to talk about it but it always comes out wrong. once again, i have made the wrong decision in a crucial time. why do i keep doing this? is it bad judgment? indecisiveness? recklessness? love?
the floor here breaks my heart. there are all these things scattered on the coffee table that i don’t even want to touch. within 10 minutes of arriving, i had to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. and then earlier this afternoon i had to come back in because i forgot my mobile phone.. in a fit of determination, i made myself lie down on the bed. my bed. in my room. facing the wardrobe. just to stare at things. and so i stared at the wooden duck on the floor. stared at the potted plant. all while trying to pin down nausea and a spinning head.
yknow, it’s so easy to say, this is just another place, but it is NOT just another place. it was supposed to be so much more than that. it’s funny how the things that you love the most, hurt you the most.
i really want to go home.
but then, going home is for the weak. i am strong, i am brave and i am good at what i do, and no one or myself can convince me otherwise. the world is my Flying Pan. if i could do it that one time, i can do it now and always.
January 16th, 2008
behold!!! the great photo meme!!! :D it took me FOREVER to find all the right photos, but i finally did it. i really like this meme - it brought back a lot of good memories as i sifted through all my photos :) everyone should do it; it would be lovely to see all your versions of these pictures!
START -
1. The most recent picture of you. Where was it taken, when was it taken and who took it? How was your mood?
this is Jon and i at the airport, right before Freddy left for Illinois and Jon for Canada a couple of days ago. i think it was Jin who took the picture. i was feeling sad and very numb.
2. A picture of you with a friend. Who is this friend? How did you meet him/her? How long have you known him/her?:
his name is Johann, we met at the lobby of Crown Towers Melbourne (Johanny, do you remember RONALD! hahahaha!) where he then whisked me away for gelato at Lygon Street. we’ve known each other for about 4 years :) this photo was taken on a ferry in Hong Kong.
3. A picture of you with your spouse/partner. How long have you known each other/been married/been going out?
this is the Martian and you can read his posts when he hijacks my blog over here. we’ve known each other 4 years, and have been going out for 1.5 years
4. A family picture:
us at my birthday a couple of months ago. that’s cake all over my face :\
5. A picture of you making a peace sign:
hahaha this is actually Part 2 of a 5-part series. yknow, the ‘doing 1 to 5 with fingers’ lala post thing! Alvin has the rest of my pictures over here, at the bottom of the page. Alvin i heart you always!
6. A picture of you making a yo dawg sign:
i tried very hard to find a picture of me doing a yo dawg sign, but i have to report that i do not own a SINGLE picture of me doing anything remotely like it :( i even went through my Pow Wow pictures to see if Alvo and Voon had any influence on our hand signage, but no dice.
7. A picture of you in your Halloween costume:
oh i got so many!
me as a cavewoman, 2005
me as an angel, 2006
me as Minnie Mouse, 2007
8. A picture of you on holiday. Where was it?
on a tuk-tuk in Phuket
9. A picture of you in your workplace/school:
workplace - Wenqi, Skyler, me and Michelle at the Nuffnang office. i love you girls!
school - hehe a Form 2 class photo of us 14-year-olds. spot me, spot me!
10. A picture of you in a weird or random place. Where is this place? Who took this picture?
one - atop Ivan’s car in a Seri Petaling suburb! Ivan took this picture.
two - on a washing machine that Ming keeps at the back of the Singapore Nuffnang office. hahahaha i dont know why he has a washing machine there?? Ming took this picture.
11. A picture of you on stage:
after all these years, you’d think that i’d have at least a couple of photos of myself debating or doing public speaking onstage, but i do not!!!! isn’t that weird? so here is a photo of me receiving a cert for the MPH Young Writer’s Award thingy in 2006. onstage wat, right!
12. A picture of you playing sport:
climbing a mountain is a sport! climbing a mountain is a sport! okay lah i just dont have photos of myself playing sports :( maybe it’s because i DON’T play sports. wtf why am i so lazy.
13. A picture of you with a celebrity:
nobody is more famous than Santa Claus hahahahahaha
14. A picture of you drunk:
i look very drunk in this picture, but the truth is i’d only had ONE glass of wine. sigh i’m so Chinese aren’t i! Kimberly next to me in the photo also same case wan hahaha
15. A picture of you looking mad. Why were you mad?
i wasnt actually mad! just fooling around. man it took me forever to locate a photo of me looking somewhat angry. this is the only one i have, and i wasnt even really angry.
16. A picture of you looking sad. Why were you sad?
because.
17. A picture of you looking WEIRD. Why were you looking weird?
hahahahaha isn’t this picture priceless??? Timtam and i saw this damn cool old chair at Palate Palette, the kind that old men or aunties sit on and smoke and drink beer and talk really loudly.. so this is me emulating them :P heehee this photo cracks me up every single time.
18. A picture of you wearing something strange:
HAHAHAHHAHA ANDREW DO YOU REMEMBER THIS!!! hahahahaha this is me at the Malaysian Student Leaders Summit.. wearing some ugly oversized purple coat belonging to donno who. i think Andrew has the same coat; it’s part of the uniform from the China International Synergy program.
19. A picture of you wearing formal:
one - at college before a speech i had to make
two - at a formal dinner. that’s my gorgeous cousin Eva!
20. A picture of you wearing a swimsuit:
me and the boys at ADP during a pool party at Zul’s.
21. A picture of you wearing PJs:
Kelvin and i at the Horomundi Pajama Party! doesnt Kelvin look soooooo cutesy!
22. A picture of you with an animal:
NEVER AGAIN WILL I
23. A picture of you eating or with food:
with the best food on earth!!!!
24. A picture of you in black and white:
me in my bedroom.
—————
i tag!
everybody!
PS : if you’ve used or are planning to use my meme, please do leave a link back :)
January 12th, 2008
a few hours ago i was really angry. i had something on my mind that i wanted so badly to rant and rave about, something that i wanted to write about and expose to everyone who reads my blog, without taking into account who i know and don’t know reads my blog. i started and deleted countless drafts because i wanted to craft and shape my anger into perfection; i wanted every single word i chose to be the precise word that conveys to the very minutest of detail how furious and how bitter i was feeling. i phrased and rephrased. i used real names, then i used aliases. i decided to password protect, then i decided not to. my head was swimming with all the emotion and all the conviction. after a long hour, i finally had my perfect angry post; the truth about how i feel about everything that’s been going on; both the things i said and never said. i had it all in thousand-word perfection.
i stared at it and then i just closed the browser. and i called Martian.
he was sleeping of course, but he woke up to talk to me. to ask me what was wrong, what happened, if i was alright. no i’m not okay, i sulked. i need you here. i just needed so much to have him soothe me, take away all my anger and make me feel better the way he always does. and he did; he babied and showered me with love and concern despite all his sleepy blurness. i put down the phone feeling so loved and much happier. it is moments like this that i know why he is the most important person in my life.
lunch hour naps
yesterday i wore this cute red dangly earrings that he bought for me when he went to Beijing for work. i remembered how he left the box on the bed, and i found it when i woke up. then i started thinking about all the little surprises that he’s given me over the time we’ve been together. there was our first anniversary, where he took me on a Chinese junk boat that cruised the harbor of Hong Kong. it was so amazing because i used to always say to him that the junk boat - which is an icon of Hong Kong - doesnt actually exist because i’d never actually seen one with my own eyes in all my time there. so spending our anniversary on a junk boat was a very very beautiful and meaningful surprise :)
my healing pail has Pocky!!
and then there was the very cute healing pail he made me when i was sick. and then there’s Pooch, which he put on the bathroom floor and sat down next to while waiting for me to finish my shower. the pink bathrobe he got me. the iPod that he filled with all his favourite music and hid inside a toy duck he bought for me (i almost didn’t find the iPod!!). how he brought back 2 huuuuuge boxes of Krispy Kreme for me and made me close my eyes when he put it in my hands. the toy penguin he randomly got for Jovann. a gorgeous necklace and pendant that he hid inside a box of Godiva for my 18th birthday.
me and Pooch
and of course, there was our first Valentine’s Day that was just full of surprises :)
i remember how beautiful the whole day was. i was sleeping when he came home from work, and he gently woke me up to give me the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers!!!! <3 when it was time for dinner, he was all like 'baby i didn't make reservations at any restaurant blablabla' -____- i believed it to an extent and i dont know why i did. it would be such a mean thing to do to me!! we got dressed anyway and walked down to Soho; the plan was to just pick a restaurant and see if they had tables available.
but Martian steered us down Elgin Street, stopped in front of this very private-looking restaurant and said, 'HEY let's go in here cos it looks interesting!!!'. turns out he had already made reservations for a table there a long time ago. wtf bluffing me is very funny issit T___T some more can take the time to stop outside a few restaurants and pretend like he was seriously considering going in T___T anyway it was a really beautiful restaurant and i loved it to bits :) it's called Tribute, at 13 Elgin Street in Central Hong Kong. to Hong Kongers yet to make their Vday reservations, you must consider this place!!! it's lovely!
when we got home after dinner, i entered the bedroom to find scented candles lit and placed all over the room, rose petals strewn across the floor and bed, and soft music playing :)))))))))))) it was so very very romantic. we spent all night making love and talking in whispers to each other. the perfect end to our Valentine's Day :)
this year we’re spending Valentine’s in KL, cos Martian will be in KL then for almost 2 weeks. i cant wait!!! i love it when he comes back home - it’s so much more fun seeing and experiencing KL with him. and we’ll finally get to do another holiday soon now that all my college apps are over. i’m thinking Cambodia. or London. baby can lah London :( please lah :(
will everybody please leave comments asking Martian to take me to London!! maybe if it reaches a 100 comments he will agree to it :( maybe. *cries*
aiyah what a massive digression! the point of this post is how Martian teaches me to be less angry and more patient, even though that is so ironic because he is possibly the most angsty and impatient person i know, hahaha. well. he just brings out the best in me :) it’s a good thing lah, i really think i spend too much time being angry at things i shouldn’t be angry at.
us with paper hats we nicked from Krispy Kreme
thank you baby, for everything good that you help me become, and for everything bad in me that you accept and love me for anyway. thank you for who you are. i love you always. i can’t wait to see you this weekend. can we please go to London? :(
January 9th, 2008
i woke up today at 4pm with a jolt, thinking - SHIT how could i sleep in till this late??? i’ve wasted half a day!!!
but then i realized i have no more deadlines :) i have nothing more to do because i sent in all my college applications yesterday. no more essays, no more short answers, no more lists of extracurricular activities. i stared at the ceiling for awhile and relished the feeling of having absolutely nothing to do. it was wonderful. i dont ever want to see another cup of coffee in my life ever again :\
one college that i applied to required a peer evaluation of the applicant. i asked songjun if he would write my peer evaluation for me, to which he so nicely agreed. now that my materials and applications have been sent out, i’m finally allowed to read the essay. and i seriously think it is THE coolest letter of recommendation i could ever ask for.
over the past few weeks, i’ve been toiling away writing my personal statements, and sometimes when i’m done, i sit back and i think i did a good job capturing my personality and identity in those essays. but then songjun goes and writes this evaluation of me that just trumps everything that i’ve written about myself. i was just floored when i read his essay. there were so many things in there about me that i’d never even thought about putting into my applications, and yet it condensed and packaged me up into one page more perfectly than i could ever attempt to. this essay is truly a work of someone who knows me better than i know myself.
i want to put up this essay because i’m so proud of it :) it’s the coolest thing anyone has ever written about me. thank you songjun :) i am so grateful for this.
Peer Evaluation for Su Ann Lim
Peer Evaluation has been removed. Please contact me directly if you would like to view it :)
yes, i really did say that during prom. on stage. into the microphone and in front of everybody. and didn’t realize how stupid it was until 24 hours later. SIGH. do you think american colleges will still want me after they learn of the completely BLONDE things i can say sometimes??? :(
January 4th, 2008
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