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Archive for February 11th, 2008

Home and Away

i’m blogging from home right now. it feels good to be back even if for just a little while - the whole of last week was spent staying with Martian now that he’s back in KL for a bit. i came back home earlier this afternoon to grab some stuff i’d forgotten to take with me; tonight, it’s back to the hotel again.

i like the fresh hotel towels and the never-ending supply of soft tissue. the pool and deck chairs. the ROOM SERVICE MENU! the neat room that greets me when i return, and all of my loose change stacked up nicely on the desk in ascending denomination. i like all of those things. and i love driving into the hotel carpark with Martian after dinner, both of us chattering away or quiet from sleepiness (or sulkiness.. hahaha that would be me). i love kissing him in the elevator on the way up to the room. i love going to bed with him; i love how he comes up to hug me while i’m brushing my teeth. i especially love going out for supper with him anytime i wish. i love the way he holds my hand as we fall asleep, and i even love how i have to carefully sneak away from him to go online. i love crawling back into bed with him and being welcomed back with sleepy kisses. these things and more make me give up my home for a bit.

but despite all that, i’m always missing home at the back of my head. i miss the newspaper, i miss my familiar pillows, i miss my internet connection that doesn’t cost RM 60 for 24 hours, i miss the bottle of cold water that’s always in the fridge. then i miss channel surfing on Astro, and my parents, and the sounds of my brothers playing Dota. i miss the random fruits my mom brings home. i miss my desk, the best place on earth to do work - second only to the table next to the glass panel at Starbucks Bangsar. and i always feel bad when my dad tells me that i should be spending more time at home. it’s even worse when i’m away with Martian in Singapore for long stretches of time, and more so back then when he was in Hong Kong.

but waking up to his kisses is the best part. it’s something that i find so hard to give up. i think about the few months that i have left before i leave (IF i’m accepted by any schools..) and i wonder if i’m spending it right. am i dividing my time equally? am i seeing enough of my family and friends? what do i make of my remaining months left with Martian? do we take big plunges now or do we play it by ear?

as i write this now (the continued version!), i’m already back in the hotel and it’s 4 in the morning. i am really quite hungry and i am contemplating calling for room service. this hotel has a delectable menu, and the buttermilk pancakes on page 2 are just calling my name. le sigh. back home, if i were hungry at this hour i’d be having delicious chicken-flavoured instant noodles, or rice with side dishes leftover from dinner. back home, my brothers would be awake and we’d have each other’s silent company.

but here and now, i have my boyfriend. every now and then i crawl back into bed and kiss him, then i come back to the computer. i love the fact that i have him here with me now, and that if i miss him, i can just reach over and touch him. it’s not like that when we’re apart - me here and him there. the nights are the hardest because that’s when i’m awake and he’s sleeping.. and so i look forward to 7am when he calls me on his way to work. then later at night, we have our long phone calls at 9pm.

but now that he’s here, it’s like i have infinite 7ams and 9pms. it’s like i have infinite Skype credit and a webcam with a view range that extends to every possible inch of his existence. i feel like i’m so spoilt by the very fact that he’s here.. and as i sit here writing this, i’m wondering to myself why the hell am i sitting here blogging when i can be in bed being held and kissed by him?

i love him so much that sometimes i just .. dont know what to do.

i’m not known to be very optimistic. right now, in my head, i’m just very convinced about certain negativities… but the truth, the good truth, reveals itself to me in the most unexpected and loveliest of ways. and it is this that i am most grateful for. it is what gives me hope. it is what reassures me that the sacrifices we make are not futile. i hold the keywords close to my heart.

teehee :)